[kalanica2]

To ask this question I will need to give you all just a few more details of our long story. As short as I can make it!Bmom has 2 other lil girls and has had a very rough life. Abusive DH, abandoned by BF and no support from family. She hid her pg and on Feb 5 2005 walked in to the hospital, had baby and asked for a SW. She couldn't take baby home because she and the girls were on the verge of homelessness and baby would seal that fate. She's a very brave woman and decided to do adoption. She chose us and relinquished to DHS. She wanted it filed immediately because she didn't want her lil girl to end up in fostercare. She wanted her to have a stable home from the get go. Due to the placement being voluntary, DHS did not take custody of baby and placed her directly with us for adoption. About a month after we had her Bdad realized that he had a baby (instead of M aborting like he told her too). From what M has told us, he's quite a bit of trouble - in and out of jail. He's in jail for 2-12yrs right now. Instead of agreeing to an open adoption with us, he wanted her to go to his mom and sister till he could straighten himself up. So DHS did what they could, but because she is not a ward of the court, the ball was in their court to do DNA, get a lawyer etc. We haven't heard from them in almost a year now. Because of this we haven't even moved to the first court case. We're not even sure if we will be able to adopt. Once court starts we're pretty sure the family will pop back in. We are frozen in fear that one day we will lose her. Even sadder, we think that if she goes to his family, she will lose contact with M. We have a 6yr old son who totally loves his baby sister. When she came home with us he had been learning about butterflys in preschool. He came home and drew a picture of a butterfly and told me that baby Ashley was like a beautiful butterfly that had flown into our arms. For Halloween he was a knight and she was his princess. Every morning he says "Good morning my baby princess" and gives her a gentle hug and kiss. Every night he say's "Good night my precious butterfly". I just can't see them seperated. I'm aftraid it will traumatize him if she leaves. Well, in the meantime we've built a good relationship with M. She is such a wonderful person. So here's my question. About 5 mths ago M and the girls moved cross country to reunite with a former BF. The only one that never abused her. Things are tough financially but they are together and engaged! The girls are happy and life seems to be going their way for once. We are planning a trip in a couple of wks to see our son and they are just 7hrs away. We want to go visit them and let Ashley have some valuable bonding time with M and her two precious girls. However, the SW thinks we should wait till the adoption is final. She thinks that it would be too hard for M to see her baby when things are so up in the air. She also thinks that if things get rocky in court that M will step in take baby away, but not really have the resources to take care of her. It's always been M's fear that if she tries to take on another child that she could lose all her children. Now I would rather have baby with us, but if it's between M and Bdad - M wins hands down. I understand what the SW is saying, but it doesn't change that this baby is not only a blessing to us, but to M and her girls as well. M did invite us to visit her later this year. What do you all think?