[SchmennaLeigh]

Since I'm decorating our new home, this came into my mind as a topic:

Do you display pictures of your birthchild in your home? If so, prominently? A lot of them? Just one? What do you say when a new person is visiting? (Meaning, not necessarily your BEST FRIEND FOREVER but just a casual accquaintance?) Do you "hide" them ever?

For those who do NOT display pictures of your birthchildren, why? Do you want to?

[SchmennaLeigh]

For the longest time, I had my favorite picture of Munchkin (about 4-6 months old, chubby cheeks, fast asleep, close up) by my bedside. It was up at ALL times except when Josh's Dad and Stepmom were coming to visit. (They do not know about Munchkin and yes, it's an issue between myself and Josh.) I also hung her time frame in our extra room.

I have not yet put up her pictures in the house. There are a lot of reasons. 1. I haven't unpacked much in the decoration/knick-knack category as of yet. (Unpacking is so overwhelming.) 2. Josh's Grandpa has been over almost everyday since we moved in (fixing things, God bless him!) and he, as well, does not know about Munchkin. (For those curious, Josh's Mom's side of the family knows but not his Dad's. He's closer with his Mom's side of the family. Divorce and stuff.) 3. When I DO go to hang Munchkin's frame, I'm not sure where I want it yet. Do I put it in Nick's room? Do I put it in the playroom? And what do I do when I'm asked questions? *paces the floor* Remember, I am not quite good with questioning yet. I'm working TOWARDS resolution of that in my life but, honestly, I am NOT there yet. Should I wait until I'm there to hang them? Or, by hanging them, will I just learn by default?

I'm always full of questions.

I will be unpacking the picture for my bedside sometime soon. I miss looking at it every morning. She's so beautiful.

[saxxxy]

Hi

I didn't answer in the poll because I am an adoptive Mom. I did want to add that I do hang pictures of my daughter's BirthFamily in our home. I include pictures of them in all our scrapbooks.
Our daughter's family does have pictures of our family on their wall.

[lahdh4]

I have one photo of J that I keep out. It is from the last portraits that they had taken and it sits on one of my dressers with a vase of dried roses E gave L and myself at our first visit last year.

The only visitors I have to my place know about J , well, all except my Grandmother. But I have anumber of photos of friends and family around so seeing a new pic up is nothing surprised.

So I really cannot help you with where to put her pics. I would definately put one in N's room though.

[MelissaJohnson]

I had picture every where in my old house, in fact I had a whole wall of picture tacked up in a mural. Everyone I know either knows that I am a birthmom or will if they ask any questions or if they are around me for more then 10 minutes

I am lucky though, I havnt had any really bad comments about being a birth mom and any that are even slightly negative, I dont really get the negativity because I dont see where it is a bad thing

[Tigger27]

My room is like a shrine to my girls lol. I have framed baby pictures of them hanging on the wall. I also have framed pictures of them at various ages on dressers and shelves in my room and I have the framed recent pictures of them from Christmas on a shelf that I went and bought specifically to have more room to put up my girls pictures in my room .

Well, no one except my family and people who do know about my girls see all the pictures in my room so I don't get any comments on them. I had two little pictures of my girls in my bathroom for a while, but recently I took them down because I'm getting to the stage now where I feel like I can take down some of my pictures and just keep the more recent ones up now.

My parents have a picture of each of my girls on magnets on the fridge and we don't get much comments on those either. There's a picture of each of my girls in some nice, cute frames in the front room that people do see a lot when they come over, but most, if not all of them know about my girls so we don't get much comments on them either.

When we have had comments on them from people who don't know, we tell them who it is, that it's my daughters I placed for adoption if they're people that are close to us and we don't mind if they know, but if they're not close to us and we don't want to share with them, we tell them they're a relative's little girls because we do think of my girls families as our family too .

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I dont have pictures out at home... when I used to there were plenty of both. My office at work has 3 of each of the girls.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Can I throw in a suggestion? Having not been there, I don't know if it's a good one or not, so of course I may be way off.

I'm wondering if part of you has hesitated to put it out because of recent ambivalence (not sure if this is the right word?) that you've been experiencing and working through. That's my first thought. But, it may have nothing to do with this, I just wanted to give you an idea in case you hadn't thought of it yet.

I'm thinking if you want the pic posted, talk about it with Josh, and come up with a game plan for when questions are asked. You made me smile when you mentioned Josh's grandpa. I am sure they would not judge you or Josh or have any ill feelings towards you about this. If anything, it will give them a fuller picture of who you really are and what you are really comprised of. AND, I wonder if anyone in that family will confide in you that they've secretly been living with the same kind of pain? Even in my own family, once we started telling people about our adoption plans, people were coming out of the woodwork telling us that they were adopted or that they had relinquished a child decades ago and Mrs. Jones from Haymarket is really Great Granma's daughter. (Fictitious names, but not far from my reality...)

Even if nobody else has any idea what you've been through, and what Josh has been through with you in dealing with this, if nothing else, it gives them an opportunity to know you better. And to see the bigger picture. I know you're not ashamed of your decision. And I don't think you need to broadcast it (Though, you COULD at work.. lol!), but I really don't think it's good to hide it from your family. Even your extended family. I'm thinking about Nick in a few years. He'll grow up knowing his sister and his sister's other family, and he won't know that this is a private/personal matter. And what if he says something in front of relatives who don't know and they are so shocked they tell him not to tell such stories or some other thing that they wouldn't mean to be hurtful but could confuse him. You obviously have a few years before you have to worry about it, so you have time... I do think if you want to have her picture up, you shouldn't hesitate to.

And Josh sounds like a very understanding guy. So, I'd start with a chat with him so he knows where you're coming from and you guys are on the same page. Then, get a plan in place for how to handle the questions. There may not be any. Some people will feel it's too personal to discuss. And if you don't feel like answering them, you could always tell them "oh, that's my daughter, Munchkin and she was placed for adoption, this is my current picture of her but I don't often talk about her except with Josh." Or, answer even more simply and change the subject to egg salad or something. (Yeah, I'm hungry). Most people will take their cues from you as far as if it's okay for them to talk with you about this. And you don't have to talk about it with everyone. Don't feel obliged to. But you and Josh need to be on the same page I think. It will make moving forward easier.

Hope this helps. Even if I just helped you decide you wanted egg salad for dinner. :-)

[SchmennaLeigh]

Josh and I have discussed things. His grandfather (and his Father, for that matter... and his Stepmom) are VERY old-fashioned, VERY judgemental... and VERY bigoted.

That's all I really have to say about that.

As for why I don't have them out yet, lol, NO pictures are out yet. Not even of Nick! I'm still trying to find a box of underwear. Pictures aren't my top priority just yet.
--

Christine, can I be nosy and ask why you DON'T have pictures up at home? You don't have to share, of course. Or you can PM me.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Ohhhhh... that's really too bad.

Well, the only other idea I have is like you said, having something in your bedroom. Hopefully they wouldn't just expect to be allowed into your room.

That's really too bad they're like that.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Oh no.. lol. It isnt my house... I have a roommate. I may decorate. Just havent.

[SchmennaLeigh]

*giggles* Gotcha.

I'm sure it will come easier when I really get down to decorating. Right now, I'm really just looking for my underwear. If we didn't have a washer and a dryer, I'd be in trouble.

I know I'll put the one back by my bed but I would, eventually, love to hang their time frames next to each other.

Someday?

[scarlet52698]

I've always kept a picture of my son out in a frame. It was the last picture I got of him when he was one.

I now have senior pictures of him and I'm in the process of redoing our family picture wall that goes up our stairway and I plan to add his there.

When people have asked I tell them the truth. I have yet to have anyone say anything negative (and I've had a couple of those judgemental types in my famiyl too). Or I guess I should say nothing negative has been said to my face.

Whatever people choose to think about me is really no concern because I'm proud of my first born

[SchmennaLeigh]

Hrm, I'm proud of my firstborn as well. I just am a highly anxious person and CANNOT handle confrontation.

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by FH-SchmennaLeigh

I just am a highly anxious person and CANNOT handle confrontation.

Me either.
I also have 3 photo's of J up at work. One from each of our visits, soon it will be 4