[SchmennaLeigh]

Because we have many members who frequent this area, many people who come and go and many people who come seeking advice on the subject, I thought we could have a "Roll Call" in this forum; a "Who's Who" if you will.

Please feel free to share whatever pertinent information you think would be useful to those who frequent this forum (to keep stories straight) or to those who are new and want possibly find someone to discuss a specific portion of open adoption via PM/etc.

You do not have to participate in this thread. I just thought it would be a good way for us to communicate and potentially help other members down the road. Do not feel obligated! Share as little or as much as you want. No hard or steadfast rules.

Go!

[SchmennaLeigh]

I'll go!

I'm Jenna and the Forum Host around these parts.

My connection to Open Adoption is this: I am an Open Adoption Birthmother to Munchkin, placed in a fully open adoption in 2003. We have AIM conversations, emails, pictures, letters, gifts and quarterly visits. Our adoption was not legally binding (no such thing in PA) but we have a good faith (or a "morally binding agreement") agreement written up stating that both adult parties to adoption intend to keep in contact. No specifics as we find our relationship ebbs and flows over time. We have become more than a legal connection; we have become friends and extended family.

I sometimes, personally, have a hard time dealing with certain adoption related issues. There are moments of hurt and self-doubt but at the same time, I am fully blessed in the fact that things are as good as they are... I don't take anything for granted. When I'm having a hard time dealing with adoption related issues, I either come here or spend a few weeks doing some private soul-searching. It just depends on what I need to do at that time.

Feel free to contact me with any questions you have on this forum or anything else. I don't frequently bite.

[saxxxy]

Hi,

I am the Adoptive Mom of an almost two year old daughter. We have an open relationship with my daughter's Mother and her whole family; siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc... They live only about 30 minutes away and we get together frequently. I would not want things any other way. I feel we have all known each other forever.

We are currently matched and awaiting the birth of our second child come June 2006. The expecting Mother is our daughter's biological Aunt. We are so blessed to be a part of this extended family.

[Poleczech]

I am a hopeful adoptive mother. DH and I have an approved homestudy (we are in the process of having a yearly update right now) and are working with an agency. We have been "official" since July 2005. We have had one serious contact, but that situation did not end in a match. WE have been married for 17-1/2 years and tried for 15 of those years to conceive without success, only to have to have a complete hysterectomy a little over a year ago. We still very much want to be parents and strive to become parents through open adoption.

[lilifelover]

I'm a very open adoption birthmother rounding her 2nd year.

I have a good relationship with my daughter's family and we visit as often as possible (sometimes even more than calls or letters- it's just easier to get together). My parents and some extended family are involved in this relationship as well.

I dubbed the ambivelent days of my pregnancy "parenting days" and "adoption days" depending on which side I happened to be on that day. I planned the entire pregnancy for both outcomes partly because 1.) the birthfather refused to sign until the last minute, 2.) I had extremely mixed feelings about the whole thing and 3.) I wanted to make sure it was right before going on with an adoption plan. To this day I still have "parenting days" and "adoption days." I've done a lot of healing, a lot of crying and a lot of loving since my daughter's placement, but the void will never be filled and she can never be replaced.

Still, I am blessed to have found a family that will let me share in the life of the girl I love so much and I hope that continues to grow as we get further in to our relationship.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi!
I'm a hopeful adoptive mom. We chose open adoption because we feel it's important for a child to maintain a relationship with his or her birthparents, even if they are unable to parent for any reason.

We were scared of open adoption at first. And now, after a lot of reading, and time on these forums, we're more concerned about not having enough contact with the birthparents that place with us. We're very excited about openness and look forward to sharing special moments with our child's birthparents. We know that nobody else will care the way we do (except the birthparents) about a first word, first step, first tooth, first owie, etc. So we want to share as much as possible with the birthparents who pick us... and at the same time, we don't want to overwhelm them or be overly intrusive in their lives. We will have to see what happens.

:-)

[my2miracles]

I am Jewels.

I am the proud adoptive mama to my one year old beautiful baby girl.

[AMom2Two]

I am an amom to two children thru domestic adoption.

I have opened up both adoptions from semi open with no visits to open with visits.

My dd (4) open adoption is no probem. We have a GREAT relationship with her bmother and bbrother. Her bmother is older and understands the in's and out's of open adoption. Her brother (12) also understands the situation and my dh and I can't help but like him and find ourselves wanting to spend more and more time with him. What a neat kid!!!

My ds (1) open adoption is very difficult right now. My son's bmom is still a teenager. Her first visit to our home was a surprise visit. That was the first time I ever met her. She still catches me off gurad with things she will innocently say. I have to gently educate her as we go along and that makes ME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. I'm torn between wanting to be her friend and also feeling the need to protect my "feelings of entitlement" to be my son's mother. We (dh and I) are struggling with this relationship right now but we are committed to open adoption. We want our son to have the same access to his birth roots as our daughter has.

My biggest mistake was thinking the first open adoption would be like the second. Each adoption is different as each person is different and in different stages in their life, which impacts in how they respond to us.

Whew...so if anyone has any questions that I can help you with, feel free to ask away!!!

((hugs))

[bromanchik]

My name is Brenda Romanchik and I have a 21 year old son I placed in an open adoption. It has been fully open since his birth and I have a pretty great relationship with him and his whole adoptive family.

I also do some professional work including writing and speaking on openness. I am currently in the process of getting my MSW (only three months left to go, YEAH!) so I can also do post-adoption therapy and mediation.

[hollyhunter]

i am birthmom -place my child 17 yrs ago in simi open adoption. exchanged letters, had mutual friends who kept me informed. i had to stop contact because it just became too emotionally overwhelming for me. i couldn't let go. i wanted more contact than family was willing to allow, such as letters to her directly. but then i'm not sure if i got that if i wouldn't need more. just had to let go. soon i will be contacting them again as my child will be 18 soon.this is stressful time and i'm regretting i lost contact now.

[Southernroots]

I pop in from time to time just because I am interested in how open adoptions work as opposed to closed ones. When I relinquished my son many years ago, open adoption was not an option. Thankfully we are now reunited.

While I think open adoptions are better for children, it appears to be that they are extremely challenging for birth moms. I want to know more about open adoptions.

[Lulu Bug]

I am Bek and I have a 5 year old bio daughter and a 15 month old adopted son. Our relationship is very open. We don't have a signed contract, but have a moral contract. We know her other children really well and even came to her wedding in the summer. So far my son is the only child that she placed (she has another one after him), and this is all the more reason to be comitted to an open relationship with her family.

The amount of contact has fluctuated. Right now, we are in a "less contact" phase. I imagine that it will change according to the stages of life that we are in. All of our choices are to do what is best for my son and his bio brothers. It isn't always easy, but it is what we felt was the only option for our family.

[SpiffyDragon13]

Hi, I'm Alanna. I'm a soon to be bmom. My due date is January 15th. I chose open-adoption for this my one and only pregnancy about a week after I found out I was pregnant. I chose the aparents through an agency in CA that helps bparents meet and choose aparents all across the country. I lucked out in finding a wonderful couple who live about 30 minutes away from me. Right now we're all excitingly waiting for me to deliver, as this will be my first time having a child, and the aparents first newborn. (They have 2 boys they adopted from the Ukraine at the ages of 2 and 3)

[lahdh4]

I am Lee, bmom to a beautiful girl who was born in April 04. We have an open but I have been having some problems with it and my counselor and I have been working through those issues. We get pictures everyother month and just had my 3rd visit with her and the amom Just trying to decide when I want to get together again.

[Ragnarok]

I am Brad, birth father to Matthew, who is 5. We have annual visits and pictures quarterly.