[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by rrrobie

I have recently started to pursue a masters in social work to become (drum roll please)...an adoption counselor! I feel that there are so many issues surrounding adoption I faced seven years ago that have still not been addressed.

What do you hope to do as an adoption counselor? I just recently received my MSW from U of M. I am doing mostly child and family work, but some adults as well.

If there is one thing I have learned over the years, from both my experience and the experience of others, it that it is hard to be a "healer" if you are not healed. Now, you can be healed while still struggling with loss now and then. But having all the basic issues worked out is really important.

[cclare76]

I'm the biological/parenting mother of a nine month old baby girl. I am the birth mother of an almost 11 year old boy who was placed for adoption at birth. I'm having a lot of trouble right now with this. Even though the adoption is open, I still have a lot of sadness.

[Creatress]

Hey, all. I'm new to the boards and it looked like a good idea to post on this one.

I'm 22 and found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant. After crying for two days straight and yelling at myself for being so stupid, I've pretty much forgiven myself for getting pregnant in the first place. I believe that God's with me through this process, although I don't know if this was part of her plan. I thought for a couple of days about abortion, but after seeing how far along the baby is in terms of development, I know that I couldn't watch that happen and not be haunted for the rest of my life.

So I'm planning an adoption; I have my first meeting with an adoption counselor about an hour away, and I think I've found a family that makes me feel really comfortable with this whole ordeal--they'll probably call me sometime today, actually. Because I'm queer/bisexual, I chose to use my accidentally tapped breeding powers for the gay community and support a family of choice by only considering qualified gay couples as adoptive parents. As it turns out, one of the professors in a department I was involved in in college is hoping to adopt with his partner, but they haven't found much success with the agencies in their area. (I've since moved to a more progressive area, so my agency is totally supportive of gay adoption.) So if this all works out, it will be a really great story and I'll probably end up moving back to that area, not only because I generally miss it but because I want to be in a good relationship through open adoption.

So yeah, long story short, I'm due the day after my 23rd birthday to give birth to a baby I hope to watch being raised by an amazing couple. *nods* I'm trying to do as much of the emotional processing as I can before it all goes down so that nothing hits me too hard--I mean, I don't want to be surprised if something happens, and I've seen enough people's stories on here to know that it could be great or it could be really difficult.

[lilifelover]

It could be great, but it's guaranteed to also be really difficult.

[alyssamarie]

I am a birthmom af a beautiful 5 1/2 year old that I gave up for adoption when she was 3 days old it was supposed to be an open adoption and then they changed the papers at the last minute to a semi open. I haven't seen her in 5 1/2 years and only have 1 or 2 pics of her...I also have 4 beautiful children that live with me 2 girls older that know about her and ask when they get to see her and 2 you nger boys that have only seen what pics I have. I am having a lot of trouble dealing with this because every time I find the amom she tells me not to contact her or talk to her. I have known this woman since I was about 13. I am now 30. we were friends b4 she adopted my daughter. would love to hear a different perspective.

[opalwench]

I'm Angela.

I had a sweet baby girl on 10/1/06 who was adopted by my boyfriend's sister and her family. I don't believe I've looked forward to holiday family gatherings more... (I've become a fixture in my boyfriend's family, we're planning to get married just taking one major life change at a time.)

[Marmy_4]

Been a member here longer than i though but i dont think i have introduced my self.

Im Michelle, 23, bmom to a little girl, O, 19 months old who is adopted by my sister. I am also now the proud parent of a little boy, G. by the same father. We are getting married either this thanksgiving or right after xmas. The adoption is open (of course) and we get pics fairly often, thou visits are harder cause they live in another state. so the phone calls and web cam is great! this adoption isnt very common so i would love to chat with others who have placed with in the family to just share some simularities. placing within a family doesnt make it easier and in some ways complicates it, but most days are better than others and im glad for that. over all - honesty and openess is best.

[damiensmommy]

Are you planning on having them be in the room when you deliver? I gave my son up 5 weeks ago and the aparents were there for the birth (although the adad didnt watch) and I even had the amom cut the umbillical cord. She loved it! How is you're relationship with the aparents?

[Treasuring My Gift]

I'm Polly and I just found the boards. I'm an a-mom of a beautiful almost two year old girl through an open adoption. Her b-family lives several states away so we're not able to have visits very often, but we email frequently, send letters and pictures monthly, and have phone calls/send gifts for holidays or just because. We're in the process of adopting again. We want our second adoption to be open as well and are hoping to find a birth mother a little closer, so that we can have more frequent visits without anyone having to spend a bundle on plane tickets. It's been nice to come here and see how many people have open adoptions because most of the people we talk to think we're crazy for having so much contact. (There are so many misconceptions out there!) We know it's right for everyone involved though, so we're committed to it. I've been very touched by all of the b-mom's stories on here. Our daughters b-mom is one of the strongest people I know and it sounds like you all are too.

[gracesbmom1213]

I'm Sarah, I'm a birthmom to Gracie who is 5, and we have an open adoption. I've been married for almost a year now, and I am expecting my second child at the end of Feburary, this one is a boy

[mickeyjo7709]

i am jewel and i am a bmom to an 11yr old girl in an open adoption and a 5 month old boy in a direct placement which is also open. I also have three that i parent they are 12yr old girl, 2yr old boy and a one yr old girl

[houston_bgrandma]

I am Michele, "first grandmother" to EMK. She was born Sept 1, 2005. My daughter Ashley is ADHD, dyslexic and a slow learner (IQ 79). She graduated high school in May 2004. She found out she was pregnant in January 2005. She was going to abort, but she (we) decided not to go that route. The moment we made that decision, she told me that no matter what she said after giving birth, that I was not to let her keep the baby. Up until she gave birth, that was her position.
Due to circumstances, we did not meet the a-parents until the evening Ashley gave birth. We picked them from 3 couples offered to us. They were really our 2nd choice - the 1st choice had already received a baby. We picked the 1st couple because they said we could be involved in the baby's life.
All along, the agency said my relationship w/ EMK would be seperate from Ashley's.
We have seen her about 6 times since she was born. Ashley & I ate dinner there 1 night (nov? 2005); Ashley, Andrew (18 yr old son) & I saw her 4-5:30 (dec 2005)before Christmas; they came to Andrew's graduation brunch May 2006, I saw her about an hour during the summer; we were invited to her 1st b-day party on Sept 9th, 2006, 2-4pm (I believe everybody else stayed the rest of the day to watch football, etc.) Ashley saw her mid-December 2006 & took her best friend, Kim, who has a boy 3 months older than EMK. Andrew & I haven't seen EMK since the 9/9/06, because they went on a 6 week visit to Australia & didn't return until the end of Jan.
In early Feb., I e-mailed them a welcome home letter, Christmas greetings & mentioned that I would like to see her weekly in order for her to get to know me. They responded w/ a dinner invitation for me only (the 3 adults) on Tues a week ago.

There, the a-parents told me that they felt like Ashley's x-mas visit it was a play-date for Jonathan. Also, while there, Jonathan's mom used her cell phone & told whoever she was talking to that she was visiting Ashley's" baby"... I can understand them being upset about that. So, they have asked me that she not bring anybody else on her visits. I think that's a good move, too.
A-parents also said that they were really busy right now. They really like to schedule their activities in advance & are very detail oriented. Therefore, they feel a need to "slow things down, just for right now...till we see how things go". They want us to limit our visits to every 4 months. Once they set a date for the visit, if one of us can't make it, we have to wait 4 more months til the next visit.
Also, EMK can call Ashley & Andrew by their names, & she can call me "Miss Michele" because she already has a 3rd set of grandparents & they don't want to confuse her.

It didn't really hit me till the next morning.

I have been so depressed since then & wondering what, if any, options are available. I would be extremely grateful for any feedback. She is my 1st grandchild & this is not exactly what I had planned.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Sorry Houston Bgrandma; but there are no options. The adoptive parents have all the rights in these events. I can only suggest that you start writing letters for your granddaughter. If you don't want to give them now, out of fear that the adoptive parents may not keep them for her, keep them yourself for when she's older.

I'm very sorry that this is happening to your family.

[leakaye]

Hi,
Im Lea, first mom to PJ born August 2001. It's an open adoption but on the rocks at the moment. We have visits when I have the money to fly over and talk occasionally via email.
Things have been tough.

[taramayrn]

Welcome Lea. I'm sorry things are rough in your adoption right now. Care to share?