[EmorysMamma]

I'm 23 and birthmom to a 1 year old girl, Emory. Her birthday is tomorrow, 1/26. We have an open adoption, in the first year I was getting pictures every 3 months and visits whenever we had a chance. We were able to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve together. I have a great relationship with her Aparents and she is growing up beautifully! We went through an adoption agency and I met her Aparents 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. I thank God every single day for bringing them into my life.

[Olvia]

Hello everyone,


My name is Olvia. I am an open adoption birthmother whom is going on her first yr after placement. My birthdaughter will be 1 yr old on the tenth of february. I have an awesome relationship with her adoptive parents although i chitter chat more with the adoptive mother. She is so awesome. They both are. I do get a bunch of pics not just hard copy but also on emails as well as videos on my emails. Letters, packages, for just about every giving holidays and phone calls. However we do not do visitation. We have left that topic to be a decision that the baby will make when she is ready. Now do not get me wrong i would 100 percent wish that i could see her. But i do not want to push.... Also she lives miles and miles away they reside in Canada and i in the atlanta area GA.

[firstparentblog]

I'm Maja, firstmom in an open adoption to Punkin. We placed him in May 2004, and our rights were terminated in October of that year. We have phone calls, pictures, and quarterly visits.

[Boulderbabe]

Hi, I'm Elizabeth, and I'm a fost/adopt mom in a sort-of open adoption. My son is two and a half, and he came to me at age 21 days. Parental rights were terminated by the courts when he was 18 months old.

By "sort of open," I mean that we have frequent phone conversations with my son's bmom, and swap pictures and letters. No visits, because we're in different states, but I wouldn't object to her visiting if she were here. It'd have to be supervised visits until her life situation changes, though.

We don't have any contact with my son's birthdad because, unfortunately, he's not a safe person to be around. If he changes his life, though, he's more than welcome to come back and be a part of his/my/our son's life.

[mj77]

My name is MJ. I am a mom by adoption through our state of Oregon.

Our first son, we have a closed adoption. We sought out extended bfamily (took 3 years) and now I have contact with the amoms of 6 of his siblings, and the maternal great-grandparents.

We have a semi-open adoption with our youngest son. We have a mediated agreement with the bfather who is incarsarated. We agreed to letters once a year but left it open as to our comfort level for further contact. We have openness with his mother though and sisters (paternal grandma and aunts) who have been fairly respectful of our space. We did a mediated agreement with the grandma for 2 updates a year and physical contact as agreed upon mutually, all correspondance by P.O. box.

I am not the biggest fan of open adoption in our kinds of cases. It really is a case-by-case determination. The openness with our youngest son's bfamily has created a lot of anxiety with our oldest son.

MJ

[carmentb]

Hi everyone! I am a bmother of a wonderful 15 year old boy in a semi-open adoption. I lost contact with his family from me moving so much and my heart just couldn't take it..but, I joined this site, was giving updated information on his family by a search angle(thank you) and I've written one letter and have received new pictures and a letter from his Mother. I plan to write again in the next couple of weeks...Love to all!

[alwaysthinking]

im 21 im a birthmother to a little boy named luke who lives in new zealand where i lived before moving to aussie he is 2 years old i dont see him anymore as i found it hard on me and my older son who is 5 in a few months,

im here looking at peoples veiws and to talk to people to help me with how im feeling at the moment

i felt good about adoption becouse of where i was at the time and things going on but now 2 years later im finding it hard... (might be time to see him again i think )

[Adoption Evolut]

My name is Shannon, I'm a natural mother that placed a child 15 years ago. The adoption has always been open, for I am adopted myself and I knew my child would NEED to know who I am. It has been very successful my daughter doesn't have not .01% of the issues that I grew up with. We don't have any silly ways of communicating at certain times of the year or anything like that...we are all just family.....and when we have time to chat we do and when we can be around one another we do. When they adopted my daughter I was part of the package and as people say (which I hate) when I 'gave up' my daughter, I didn't give her up I gained a family. This works!!!
Luv Luv~~~It IS the answer!!
Shannon
http://adoptionevolution.blogspot.com

[candiceb84]

I am a bmother who had a baby boy named Reese Aug. 22, 2005. I met the adoptive parents before I had him. I am carrying another baby for them that is due Aug. 11 2006. We all have a great relationship with each other and they send me pics and we talk on the phone all the time. Its good to finally see some bmoms on here talking positively about there adoption experience. Adoption has really chenged my life and I am so happy that I now have 2 people in my life that really respect and care alot about me and I have the same for them.

[Gigimom]

I'm Gigi. I just joined this board as I'm looking for advice on sharing adoption info with my "kept kids" - that might be an outdated term, I haven't been on a bmom message board in several years....
I'm a bmom to two children (sibs, adopted together) who are now 13 and 14 years old. We have a semi-open adoption (letters and pictures go through the agency every year, but it's cool. The adoptive parents are wonderful people and my bkids are doing great....from what I know, anyhow!)
I am also a parenting mom (for lack of a better word)
to my sons, ages 4 and 6 yrs.

[Annmairi]

Hi. My name is Anne-Marie. At the age of 19, I placed my baby daughter for adoption. That was May 1992. She was less than 30 hrs old when I placed her into the loving arms of her mother. Through the grace of God and the astounding love of the adoptive family we have enjoyed 14 years (so far) in an open adoption.


Truth be told, when “adoption” was mentioned to me at the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought, “Adoption is a wonderful thing….BUT it’s for “other” people. I could NEVER give my baby up. It would hurt too much.” I never gave it any consideration beyond that moment…UNTIL the morning that I heard God speak to me.


The moment is etched into my mind and engraved on my heart. Adoption was the last thing on my mind. I didn’t feel desperate or inadequate or afraid or unsure or any of the multitudes of things many unmarried pregnant girls/women go through. I was very happy with the expectation that I was going to have a baby to love…no matter what the consequences were.


Then that morning came. God’s clear yet inaudible voice gently but firmly told me to pick up the phonebook and find an adoption agency. After who knows how long of looking over each agency ad, I finally made the call that would change my life. And in the process…through my own obedience, I learned so much about my heavenly Father.

When the time came to choose a family, meet the family, and actually place the baby, I had been given such peace. There was no sadness….no regret…only love for my daughter and joy over knowing that she had been a blessing and gift to me and that she was moving on to be a blessing and gift for another family….a family who has never forgotten me.

A few months after she was born, an open adoption counselor employed by the adoptive family told them that I had not “grieved” for my loss. I explained to the adoptive family that I had nothing to grieve over. I didn’t feel as if I had “lost” anything. Maybe that’s because I gave her freely and in obedience to what God had asked me to do.

I married in 1997 and now have 4 additional children (ages 7, 6, 3.5, & 2). Our children have always known about and talked to their ‘big’ sister even before they met her in person (which was only in the past few years due to distance and various circumstances).

Words cannot express the blessings that God has bestowed upon me during these past 14 years. I would love to share my experience with others and be an encouragement to those in need.



BTW...my open adoption is not legally binding. It was the first ever (and possibly only) open adoption in the history of the agency I went through...initiated by the adoptive parents. They were only obligated to send quarterly pictures to the agency for the 1st year.

[lilifelover]

That's nice to hear...kind of inspiring I guess. I've been having a rough time the last month or so with the whole adoption thing. It's nice to know there are others out there that have done it and have had a heart like yours in the process....
I have a hard time having that heart, but there's hope, right?

[Annmairi]

Originally Posted by lilifelover

That's nice to hear...kind of inspiring I guess. I've been having a rough time the last month or so with the whole adoption thing. It's nice to know there are others out there that have done it and have had a heart like yours in the process....
I have a hard time having that heart, but there's hope, right?

There is always hope. --- There is a huge difference between 2 yrs and 14 yrs too. You never know...I never knew...how things would work out.

While my attitude about the adoption may have been positive from the day I knew I was going to do it, life is never 100% rosey. My sister didn't talk to me for 5 yrs because of the adoption. I had a very hard time post-adoption not going to appts and such with my adoption counselor. I never connected with anyone in my post-adoption group. My 1st husband nearly drove me to sever my relationship with the adoptive family and my daughter when she was 3. Suffice to say, I made a lot of poor choices and I am just glad I didn't drag my daughter through it with me.

I think one of the things that has had a huge impact on our open adoption is all the prep work that the family did years before I ever them. They went to open adoption counseling. They did all these amazing and wonderful things in preparation for me....the birthmother. If it weren't for their hearts, I don't know what shape mine would be in right now.

For me, my adoption is not something I look back with longing and regrets or sadness and despair. It is the one moment in my life that I cling to when everything else around me is crumbling. It is the moment I cling to when I doubt God's promises. It is my reassurance that God loves me. He took my sin and turned it into something for His glory.

[lilifelover]

Yeah, some days are better than others...we just had mother's day and an adoption day...so I imagine things will get a little better in the next few months...and I don't have to worry about another "special day" for awhile. Anyway, it'll be okay. I know God isn't going to let me go through this alone.

[Rmorgan7777]

Hello,



I’m Roxanne. I placed my fist son for adoption in August of 1989. I was 19 yrs old. It was a semi- open adoption and I choose his adoptive parents, but never got to meet them as they were a state away and I did not make the decision to place him until I was well into my 7th month. I was informed that they would have liked to meet me, but it never happened. His Amom was adopted herself and assured me that he would know about me when he was old enough and I believe that they have done that.


I received pictures on a regular basis, and then I fell out of touch for various reasons. Emotionally it was always difficult to me, I never knew what to say to them when I wrote them and I had convinced myself that they were only sending me pictures and letters because they felt obligated to do so, through my own self loathing.

I really felt like a failure, like I was nothing that I “gave away” my child and that I disappointed my parents. I prayed for answer, I prayed for God to show me away to keep him for myself. That answer never came, instead what was given to me was this thought that he would have a much better life with this family then what I could have provided for him at the time. I know that it was the right thing to do for him. If I could give him nothing else I could give him a chance. I don’t really regret it, but never the less there is a huge hole in my soul where that boy was. HUGE hole.

Shortly after the adoption I made even worse choices for my life, what did it matter, was my mind set back then. I drifted, I had no direction and no ambition. I chose to be on the streets for a period of time. Finally when I was about 21 I had had enough and I wanted to get my stuff together and I asked my parents if I could come back home. They said “yes of course”. From that point forward I worked on “putting it all behind me” and “getting over it”. When I was 22 I found myself pregnant again, but this time I kept the baby, I could never again go through placing another child up for adoption.

My 13 year old knows he has a half brother somewhere out there, and we have had conversations about him from time to time.

The bright side: After so many years of silence on my part, I decided last week to contact the agency that I went through, to see if the family would be interested in re-opening the lines of communication. Much to my joy, they were ecstatic (the counselors word) that I had made contact. Today or tomorrow I should be getting letters and pictures that have been in my file since ’98.

The oldest will be 18 next year which is what prompted me to contact the agency, to let them know where I am in case he wants to find me. I am trying not to have any expectations as to when or if a reunion will take place.

This has been the hardest time that I have had since the first few years.