[SchmennaLeigh]

(Ooooh, my first discussion thread as Host. Crazy.)

I ask this of our Birthparents in Open Adoption: is your OPEN adoption legally binding? Did you and the adoptive family create a contract in which you both stated your intentions to carry on an open adoption? Is it legally binding in your state? (For more information on state law in open adoption, go here. If you're still confused on your state law, ask here and we'll help to figure it out.)

Please feel free to add any more information that you want to share regarding this subject. What did you put in your contract? If it's not legally enforceable, why do you have it? (Good faith?) If you don't have one, why? Etc.

Of Note to this Thread: This poll is specifically for Birthparents. The poll should be answered solely by birthparents whereas any posts/discussion can include all triad members. Just trying to get a feel for the difference between who is seeking legally binding contracts, etc. (Tomorrow I will create one for the Adoptive Parents for a comparison!)

[BrandyHagz]

Fabu job on your first poll Jenna!

Easy as pie, huh?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yep! And I like pie. heh

[MelissaJohnson]

I voted No Leagaly enforcable openness agreaments are not eforcable in my state. I live in Canada so no state and while we dont really have anything writen up, my birthson lives about 5 minutes from me and me and his mother are good friends so we didnt feel like one was needed

[Free_to_be_me]

Before placement, the adoptive parents, birthfather and I worked together on a "Cooperative Agreement." It very specifically outlined things like contact before the birth...would a-parents attend doctors visits, who would be my labor coach, who would contact who when the baby was born, who would be in the delivery room...and contact in the hospital...who would hold the baby first, who would cut the cord, who would get hospital photos, original birth certificate and contact after placement-was everyone open to giving and receiving presents, how often would we visit, send letters and pictures, etc. It was VERY detailed.

It was made very clear that this document was not legally binding, but we discussed how it was morally binding. It has worked very well for us as a framework, but after 10 years I rarely think about it. We haven't followed the strictness of the structure since the very beginning, but have followed the spirit that was agreed upon 100%.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Free,

I LOVE that you discussed all of the hospital issues PRIOR to the hospital stay. I think that's advice that all expectant parents considering adoption AS WELL AS potential adoptive parents should follow. I can only imagine it would make things run much more smoothly than they did in our case. heh.

--

Personally, we have a "morally binding" (as MrsSmith put it in the adoptive parent poll discussion) agreement. It's not enforceable in our state but we agreed to contact, etc, and all personal information was included (addresses of other people who should be able to get in contact with us should the other move, etc). We weren't very specific in ours as we knew that things change now and then. We get busy and so on.

[Free_to_be_me]

It was really helpful that we had discussed everything about the hospital before we were actually there. My social worker also sent a letter of introduction of sorts that had my written plan so the hospital would be prepared. It helped because the adoptive parents were given free access to my room and the nursery window (without having to worry about following visiting hour guidelines) and the nurses knew they needed to show the adoptive parents how to take care of a newborn and not me. (I was not emotionally able to do many of the babycare things and I certainly wasn't willing to watch the adoptive parents learn how to do it. At that point, I needed to take care of me and not twist the knife of knowing I wouldn't be the one caring for her.)

The nurses also knew we wanted everything in triplicate-foot prints, copies of the birth certificate, pictures, most paperwork...The adoptive parents, birthfather and I each wanted a copy of everything.

It made things go so much smoother.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Mmm, I wish they would have made everything in triplicate for us. Or at least just double (birthfather wasn't really involved). Our hospital stay was not exactly ... good. We went into it very naively thinking that the hospital would know how to handle it.

[Free_to_be_me]

My mom's best friend was one of the nurses on the maternity floor when I had my little girl...that helped a lot, too. She wasn't on shift when I was in labor, but she made sure things went well for me when she was there and made sure the other nurses were appropriate, too.

[Montraviatommyg]

Although legally binding open adoptions had been around since 1979 in the UK I wasn't told about these when my son was born in 1981.

Pip

[Robin Harritt]

Originally Posted by FH-Montraviatommyg

Although legally binding open adoptions had been around since 1979 in the UK I wasn't told about these when my son was born in 1981.

Pip

Pip

Open adoptions don't seem all that open here in England & Wales to me, not sure about Scotland which has its own adoption laws (there is no such thing as UK adoption law). Letterbox contact a once or twice a year that sort of thing, child has meetings with siblings every once in blue moon. Is that realy "open" adoption? Do you know of adoptions in England and Wales that truely are open? The nearest I can see any part of the UK getting to open adoption is the soon to be introduced 'Special Guardianship Orders' which unlike adoption orders can be varied at a later time.

Robin Harritt

http://harritt.net

*

[Montraviatommyg]

Robin,

It is laughable as social workers call these types of adoption open despite the reality, as you describe, of actually being letterbox contact and possible real contact. I am friendly with a bmum (British) who has actually met the daughter she relinquished but due to a misunderstanding/disagrrement that has stopped now and they are back to letters only twice a year.

Pip

[LisaCA]

hi,

I'm just wondering how many birthparents would have asked for a legally binding agreement if they could have, or knew about them. I'm pretty sure if the tables were turned we would have asked for one.

hey jenna, this might be an interesting question to ask .

[SchmennaLeigh]

I have the morally binding agreement that we discussed in the other thread. Had legally binding agreements been legal in my state, I would have asked for one. We were still new in our relationship at the time of relinquishment and I believe that it would have calmed a lot of fears that come with the role of birthparent.

[banjo]

Hi, I have a legal agreement which all of us have kept too but I think no amount of legal paperwork is going to matter when the adoptee becomes a teenager!! (laugh) I think that open adoptions should have legal binding contacts but there needs to be some way for both sides to meet with a mediator if things change in their lives...to make alterations to the contract. I think a legal contract would also weed out the aparents who don't really want an open adoption so that would be a good thing. Plus it would set down responsibilities for bparents so that all those great aparents out there would know where they are etc. I think it would help people define what they want b4 they commit to adoption.