[BrandyHagz]

I am a birthmother in a very open adoption. Initially, we would get together several times a week…S and I became very close, and have become best friends in the eight years since M’s birth.

Over the course of the last eight years, we have all moved around a great deal which made getting together difficult…but we always tried to plan something, regardless of our location.

S told me about a month ago that they are planning another move, and will be moving this month. It’s been about a year since we’ve been able to get together, but we’ve emailed pics back and forth non-stop.

Well, yesterday, out of the blue, I get a phone call from S’s mom. M has been staying with them for the last two weeks while S & C pack and move. M has asked to get together with us, and S’s mom wanted to know if we could get together on Saturday.

Now…here is my “thing”.

B (S’s mom) is VERY anti-open adoption. She is very cold and callous towards me, and continually reminds me how grateful I should be that they “allow me to be around their grandchild”.

I am VERY uncomfortable going to this get together, but I want to because M has expressed interest in it so much so that her grandparents are biting the bullet to oblige.

This will be the first time we have planned a meeting alone (the grandparents and I)…in the past any alone time we had was by chance, and very short lived (thank God).

How can I approach this get together without angst and trepidation? Right now, knowing that in less than 24 hours I will have to spend a considerable amount of time with these very cold and in some cases very rude people, is making me sick to my stomach.

Part of me wants to bow out…but that isn’t fair to M…

We do have a previous engagment that we have to attend, so the meeting will only last about three hours…but I have a feeling this will be the LONGEST three hours in my LIFE.

Also, another thing that’s kinda bothering me is the fact that S knows how her mom has reacted to our “relationship” and she also knows how her mom treats me (from first hand experience)…I’m a little angry that this was sprung on me with no warning…I feel she should have called me, and I plan on approaching her about this once they have moved and settled in, am I wrong?

Any feedback would be great!

Thanks!

[BrandyHagz]

*sigh*

I am leaving here in about thirty minutes...hopefully things will be ok...at this point, I am going to focus on the kids (Jerrett and M have a great relationship) and not worry about their negative attitude towards me...

Bleh...I am not looking forward to this!

[Volfe]

Brandy -

I hope all goes well today. I didn't really have any advice...
I will say that this visit reminds me of visiting with my ex's mother, usually limited to lunch when I bring her the kids. she is nice to me but I know she does not like me (that was clear years ago).

We see her for her grandchildren's sake. My oldest daughter has told me since the last visit she does not want to see her anymore (a bad alcoholic episode where she woke her up to complain to her about how my daughter hates her father, this woman's son).

I know it's not the same but I feel like these poeple are cut from the same mold.

The important thing is you see your daughter

Thinking of you

Maia

[BrandyHagz]

What an emotionally draining day…

It went wonderfully…I don’t know what happened, but the woman that I met with today was NOT the same woman I was accustom to being around.

There were tons of questions from everyone regarding the wonderful relationship that brother and sister seem to have, and she took it in stride…one time even responding how lucky they were to have each other!

She also responded to then “are you guys family” question with an absolute YES…without any hesitation AT ALL!

We had a great time…the kids played and ran and played…the park district had an environment thing going on, so the kids got to see a lot of neat stuff too!

It was great to see M, she has grown so much…and has become so independent.

I am so glad I made myself go today…it was very memorable…and we all had a lot of fun!

[Volfe]

Glad it was a great day!

For everyone...

It sounds like it was not only perfect but I think something you needed more than you knew (and the grandmother too maybe?).

I'm so glad for you.

Take care


Maia

[bromanchik]

I am glad everyone had a good day. I had problems getting on the sight Friday and Saturday. Sorry.

[79nic]

Brandy,

SO happy to hear the visit went well!!!!!

Maybe grandma is coming around....... Hey, you haven't kidnapped "M" yet, maybe it's sinking in for her that you're not going to take M away!

I hope her attitude towards you continues to improve.

So glad you got to see M.

How are you doing?

Nicole

[BrandyHagz]

I'm doing really good today...I am really glad I got to see her!

Thanks everyone for the responses...

[Jensboys]

Nana - spend more time loving your grandson and less time spreading hate and the world will be a better place for it.

Stick to the anti adoption boards ... I am tired of the hate.

[qs mom]

I would very much like to respond to your post, but I can't do it and remain civil.

You come across as an angery, bitter person in need of possible counseling.

And at the very least, you need some enlightening on adoption. Women who make an adoption plan don't "give away their children because they are unwanted".

[SchmennaLeigh]

Brandy,

Sorry I didn't get to post! I was gone (and still actually am "gone" as I'm at my parents and not HOME yet) for my best friend's wedding.

I'm glad that things went well. I'm having my own exact experience in December for Munchkin's birthday party so I can only hope that my experience is as positive as yours.