[srelmore]

[EDITED TO ADD:]
Before you private message me soliciting me for my child, or reply to this post, READ THE ENTIRE THREAD.
My son is now 18 weeks old. He and I are incredibly happy. I did not put him up for adoption. I am not going to put him up for adoption.

Thank you very much.
S.




I never suspected that I might be pregnant. Well... if I'm honest, deep deep deep down had I had a feeling... but I thought I was just being paranoid.
So today I took a test.
It immediately came back positive.
I wasn't surprised.
I'm at least 4 months along, if not more. I feel the baby..
I'm making an appointment with my gyn tomorrow to confirm things and figure everything else out.

I'm 19. I have no job. I have no way of emotionally or financially caring for a child. It would be unfair to keep the child. I know that I can't give them what they need. And the birthfather isn't in the picture, nor does he want to be.
So this baby is going up for adoption.

And my heart is hurting so badly.
To find out something like this- that I have LIFE within me.. that I am going to be a mother... and then to have it taken from me with the knowledge that I can't care for this baby the way it deserves.... it rips my heart out..
I guess I just need a little bit of support...
(along with sleep)..

thanks,
Sarah

[ISW]

You sound like you may have feelings of being overwhelmed. Even though you are 4 months along, you do have some time to think about what you can provide for this child, not what you can't before you make a life decision. Keep in mind that although you may feel like you cannot offer what you feel you need to, you may be able to do that in a year, or two from now.

Please give yourself some time to think about this. Also, counselors at adoption agencies may be able to help you figure out what you would like to do...

Good luck!

[sspete]

Bless your heart Sarah, you are starting a very tough journey. This is not an easy time for you, and Yes you do need support. I too have been just like you. I am a birthmother to a nineteen year old daughter. I found myself pregnant when I was sixteen. I can still remember feeling Very afraid. Adoption is a great choice for your baby, but it is not an easy choice. My perfect motto is whatever is best for the little baby. I would not trade my decision for anything, but I can tell you over the last nineteen years I have missed that precious child very much. I admire and respect you for putting the needs of your child ahead of your own. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as you begin. May the Lord Bless You and hold you close to him during this time. Remeber you are not alone!! spete

[kristy79]

I am 6 months along in my pregnancy with twins. I too decided at around 4 months of pregnancy that adoption was the best choice for me. Do you feel as though you really want to be a mom right now? Have you looked into your options and resources if you were to choose adoption and/or if you were to choose keeping the baby? I know there is so much to keep in mind and so many hard decisions to be made. But you will be blessed with whatever choice you make. Any woman who goes through this will find their true strength and realize the resilience they withhold. When you are 100% sure what you are going to do, keep in mind that you will do it well. Not that any of what I said will make today easier (trust me, I know how it goes in one ear and out the other), but I remind myself of these things daily to help me get through the next hour, day or week.

-K

[Jennifer]

Hi there

I just wanted to say thank you to you all for choosing life for these precious little ones that you are carrying. You all have time to decide what is best for your babies and yourselves, but I can tell that you all love these babies more than anything and you will do what is right for them. Having never been in your situations I cannot nor will I ever say I know you feel or what you are going throug, I am a hopeful adoptive mom, and no that is not why I am here, I do no solicit, I am just offering support and opinions, that's all.

You will know in your hearts what choice is the best choice, and should you choose to place your babies, you will also know in your hearts which couple or family is the right one for your baby.

Best wishes to you all and you will all be blessed for the sacrifices you make for your children out of the love you have for them.

Feel free to write anytime if you ever need to talk to someone or just yell, I am good listener.

Jennifer

[suzherm]

Oh, Sarah, I feel for you. I am a birthmom to a 17 year old daughter. I have been in your spot.

I agree with the earlier post about getting educated. Before you do anything, look at all your options, see what kind of resources are available to you, talk to everyone and anyone you can. Adoptive parents, agencies, bmoms, find out about state assistance in your state, programs for single moms, every option possible.

My biggest regret about my placement is not the placement itself but that I was not better informed, that I did not ask certain questions, demand certain things, that I did not know I had the RIGHT to demand certain things and get answers to questions. My family had made me feel so bad and disgraced I acted that way and let others (the agency mainly) take advantage of me.

Lots of love.

Suz

[emm]

Good advice Suz,

We older birthmothers need to speak out and adivse others on how to survive placing a baby. Moms- to-be, stand your groud. Fight to have your voice heard. If adoption is the only choice open to you make sure that you understand fully what you can expect from everyone involved in the adoption. Get as much in writing as possible. Remember no body is doing you a favour. You are not guilty of a crime so don't be punished or pushed around.

If you want to know something and can't find the answer from the people around you ask one of us. If you don't want to ask openly send a private message. If you search on the web under birthmother you will find lots of support, groups and resources to help you.

We are here for you. Good luck and lots of courage.

emm

[DonnaLynn]

I have done much searching and interveiwing of agencies please if you need to talk to someone call Cathy @ 1 (800) 605-4588
She is with Adoption Consultants and she is so compassionate and caring. I am sure she can offer you some advice and help.
She is honest, kind, and I believe trustworthy.
If you talk to Cathy it is okay to tell her I recommended her.

Your letter says alot about what love is...
Love is... Life within you...
Love is... Giving life to your baby...
Love is... Finding the life you wish for your baby...
Love is... Everlasting.


I wil pray that you have all you need to raise your baby or find the right parents to do so.


Wishing you well

Donna

[calfriend]

Reading your post, I felt that you have thought long and hard about your choices,a nd that you have made the decission tyo give life to your baby. Congratulations, I think you are making a good decission, and although the process will be challenging, you, your baby, and a very fortunate couple will have many years of joy and happiness for years to come.

I wish you the best, and I am sure that you will have the strenght and patience to go through the adotion process. It will be an emotional and challeging process to find the best couple for your child, but at the end you will feel at peace and hoepfully you can have a relationship with this new child!

Write anytime if you ever need to talk!


Lesley

[dpen]

Srelmore,

I just neede to put my 2 cents in. I write this to you in a very obejective (I hope) way. You Just found out that you are definitetly pregnant. Your hormones are in a flux and your probuly very overwhelmed! Don't make any decisions now!! You could be making panic decisions, and whatever way it goes you may regret them. You are only 4 momths pregnant, You have time to think it through rationally. You are g oing to hear opionions from every side....but you need to make your own based upon lots of soul searching on what you are truly capable of doing. As everyone else has said get as much counseling as you can...as much education as you can. Where are you in your life...are you going to school, live with parents? How much family support do you have. This is a quick way to grow up but you have it within you to make the right decision for your baby,, yourself and anyone else that may be touched by this situation!! Please keep us posted!!! Donna

[HEIDI HENDERSON]

DEAR SARA,

MY NAME IS HEIDI. WHEN I WAS 16 I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS PREG. I HAD NO JOB AND MY BOYFRIEND WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I WENT THROUGH NINE MONTHS WONDERING IF GIVING THE BABY WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BUT IN THE END I DID. HE IS NOW ALMOST EIGHT YEARS OLD AND IS LIVING WITH A GREAT FAMILY. I DON'T REGRET GIVING HIM UP. HE HAS ALL THE THINGS IN LIFE I KNOW THAT I WOULD NEVER BEABLE TO GIVE TO HIM. I MISS HIM VERY MUCH AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM. I DID AN OPEN ADOPTION AND WILL GET TO SEE HIM IN A FEW YEARS. I SAW HIM WHEN HE WAS 1 AND 2. HE KNOWS WHO I AM, AND I LOVE THAT. THINGS WILL WORK OUT. I AM NOW 24 AND MARRIED AND HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER.THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

HEIDI

[yg1023]

Hi Sarah!

You're trying to be realistic about your pregnancy without knowing enough information so I'll start by asking you some questions. Did you finish high school? Have you ever had a job? What reaction does your family have? Why do you think you can not emotionally care for your child? Can you spend time with some mothers and get their advice?

I agree with the replies from ISW, suzherm, and dpen. Your emotions will change constantly while you're pregnant and after you've had your child(ren) and that's perfectly fine. My advice to you is be aware that the erroneously picture-perfect facade of adoption is just that: erroneously picture-perfect. Things can go painfully, irrevocably, and regretfully wrong especially if you are not informed. You should visit www.cubirthparents.org and find the contact for your region. You should ask that contact if you can speak with both adoptive and birth parent members who can try to give you both sides of the picture. Neither the adoption agency/lawyer nor any of their employees will completely inform you. Also, check out the "Things I Wish I Would Have Known" link on the website www.cubirthparents.org/links.htm. In fact, I suggest you read this excellent article by Heather Lowe and then re-read frequently.

Most of all: don't sign any paperwork when you are in the hospital. You do have rights. In fact, you should consider taking your child home. You may get home with your child(ren) and have a better idea of what you want from an adoption.

Adoption was my choice and I deeply regret it now. Feel free to contact me.

yg1023

[paman8]

I agree that there are many times when adoption isn't the best choice or at very least a very painful choice. Things don't ALWAYS go the way you hoped or planned for...and you may regret it later. Being educated is important in making a good decision. Adoption is a good decision for thousands of women every year.

On the other hand, parenting doesn't always go perfectly, either. There are many wonderful ladies that after a few months or years find out that parenting is harder than they thought, finances never panned out, and that they can't provide the home for their children they planned on, and decide that they need to place at that point...and sometimes find themselves in a situation where they have no choice.

When you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy, especially if you are not in a stable, committed marriage, or have tons of family support, there are NO EASY ANSWERS. Both choices are hard. It's impossible to say for sure that things would have been better if....

We have a great young lady that matched with us and decided to parent. We are still close and she is bringing the baby for a visit this month. She loves her child, is keeping her child, and is a great mom. But it's not easy! Easier than placing? Maybe. No one will ever know because it's different for everyone.

My sister placed, and hard as it is, it was better for her and her child. She wasn't ready to parent. She has a 4 year old little girl now, married and she's still unsure enough about her "parenting" that she doesn't want another child.

I'm sorry that you now regret your decision. You have a lot of good points about the circumstances of making that decision.

Pam

[BettyPsych]

What you are about to do is major. Make sure that you are 100% clear on what is right for YOUR CHILD. Blessings.

[yg1023]

Sarah,

Have you talked with the father's family? They might have different (perhaps even supportive) opinions from those of the father.

yg1023