[sspete]

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW BABY BOY!!!!!

He Sounds DARLING!!!!! Enjoy Every minute!!!!

Staci

[sbniles]

Hi Sarah,

What a difficult, life changing situation you are in. Speaking from the side of an adoptive mother of a beautiful 15 month old, Rebecca, I can tell you that my daughter's birth mother was 18 when she gave birth to her. She is from a wonderful family. My husband and I had the opportunity to meet both her parents and we send pictures to Rebecca's mom every month. Anytime, she wants to meet with us, we meet her so she vidit with Rebecca. There are many types of adoption, open adoption (like Rebecca's) where pictures are exchanged and maybe even visits made - depending upon what type of open adoption you stipulate.

If I may give you one piece of advice - follow your heart. Do want you want to do - not what those around you want you to do.

I will tell you that Rebecca's birth mother is going to college now. She is doing much better and although we still cry when we see each other, I have some small comfort knowing that she is doing better than she was a year ago and I hope we remain as close as we are today if not closer. I would be happy to talk to you further if you would like - no pressure.

[nnigrini]

My heart goes out to you, and I can identify with your pain. I, too, am pregnant and in the position where adoption seems to be the best option, except I am 32 and due to have the baby in six weeks. I'm also not in the position to financially care for a child myself right now, and lack the support and involvement of the baby's father.

I am already grieving the loss of the baby that I feel moving inside me, and can only imagine the great loss and sadness I will feel on the actual day that I turn the baby over to her new parents. I keep telling myself that this is the most loving and responsible thing that I can do for my baby at this point, but the pain and sadness remain.

I think that reaching out to others as you are doing is so helpful in the healing process. I know that sharing my grief with other Moms who have experienced the adoption process has helped me a lot.

You and your baby will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please email me anytime you need to chat: [/email]nnigrini@yahoo.com

Hugs,
Niki

[belkins]

Hi Sarah-
First of all take a deep breath and just try to relax, you have alittle over 5 months before you have to decide anything and even then you don't have to make a decision till after the baby is born whether to place or not. If deep down in your heart you want to keep this baby you can do it, there are so many places out there you can turn to for help and they will help you till you get on your feet. I know because 14 years ago I was in your shoes and I have a child that means everything to me, do not make a decision based on temporary circumstances as adoption is a forever decision that cannot be changed once it's done. Investigate social services for help, the YWCA, WIC and there are several other programs that can help. As you do know that placing your baby for adoption is not necessarily the best either as adoptive parents get divorced, have money problems and are human too, and you have one special thing you can give that baby no one else can and that is your love and the bond you will have.

[charlieali]

I am new to this board and I just want to tell all of the birthmothers that I feel they are showing complete strength in their decisions, and that the unconditional love they already have for their unborn baby is beautiful. I am not able to have a child, and I am happy to see that Birthmothers have a way to find out ways to help them start the journey of a lifetime.
Allyson

[tcm1968]

I would first like to say to the older and possibly newer birthmoms, you ladies are probably some of the best women on this planet. I cannot speak from personal experience, but I can say that my hubby and I had a very hard time getting preg. I always knew there was something wrong with me inside but dr.s could never find anything "abnormal", guess that's why they call it "Practicing"! Anyway, I found a dr. who was also a fertility specialist (which was perfect because we wanted children desperately. You see, my husband was adopted at 2 days old and whether we had to go the fert. treatment route or adop. route, we were gonna have children. My new dr. had listened to me about all my female "owies" and immediately said he thought I had Endometriosis. He checked me out and sure enough. (can you believe this happened the first time I saw him?) Anyway, he said "we're doing surgery next week and this might solve your problems with getting preg." Well, like you b-mom's, I was scared to death, but for different reasons. I had never had surgery and this could possibly make our dreams come true to become parents the natrual way. Needless to say 3 1/2 months later, I became pregnant! I cannot put into words the joy I felt. Before I was with hubby, I probably would have never thought about adopting, but knowing how well his adop. parents love him and were completely honest with him about being adop. and how well he turned out, it was definitely an option for us if my surgery didn't work. You women are so courageous and your stories really made me cry. Partly because having my own children and knowing the feelings I get at just the thought of someone hurting them or them getting hurt in some other way, just absolutely rips my heart out. So, people may think you just don't want your child, but I think that you love your child sooooo much, that you would give up your hopes and dreams with your child just so they might have a better life. God Bless you lovely loving women.

[susieq41]

Congrats tcm1968. I too have had 12 surgerys that wound up a hysterectomy. I would Love very much to have a child to call my own. But i will never have the chance unless i adopt. I would love to so much. But right now i don't hvae enough money.. These ladys are so brave. But i understand they are doing what they think is best. My hats to all of you... Take care lady's

[ashleylorelle]

Hey, I know how you feel, I just gave up a son a little over a year ago. If you need to talk I can possibly offer you some advice. My e-mail address is ashleylorelle_2003@yahoo.com Feel free to ask me questions or advise. Whatever you need.

Ashley Cullison

[rdhd1015]

Sarah,
I am an adoptive mom of 3, who has a great relationshipn with my childrens birthmoms. I no help birthmoms who are thinking of adoption. Lets talk, adoption may be an option..but you have time. I look forward to talking to you.

Carolyn
Remember god has a plan for everything, lets find out what Gods plan is for you

[adf1972]

[GinnyBinny]

adf1972,
I am a birthmother in an open adoption. I had my baby when I was 17. I am 19 now and my son is almost two.

I was also concerned about what people would think about me when they saw that I was pregnant. I was in highschool at the time I became pregnant. I had time during summer break to make my decision to go back to school and let people see me pregnant or to be "shipped off" to live with a relative or to drop out of school and get my GED. I decided to continue going to school. I decided that I wasnt going to let ignorant and mean people make that much of an impact on my life. I'm not going to say it was easy walking through the halls with people staring at me sometimes, making comments, asking me really personal questions, but I'm glad I did it. Most of them did'nt mean to be insensitvie they were just curious and didnt now any better. I only remember two people who were actually trying to hurt me. After I delievered my baby and I came back to school it seemed like everyone had forgotten. It was old news and old gossip for them. I know that a couple people said mean things behind my back but I don't care anymore. They are ignorant. What I care about is the people during that time who came up to me and said wonderful and supportive things to me.

I was afraid to tell some family members too. I was most afraid to tell my grandpa who is very old fashion, but when we finally told him he was wonderful. He wished he had known sooner and was eager to see his great grandson. He kept a picture of him with him and showed it to all his friends.

Please don't let ignorant or mean people affect your decision. This is your decision to make. It affects the rest of your life.

I wish the best for you in whatever decision you make. If you need someone to talk to. I will be happy to talk to you.

-Ginny

[shannon628]

i was just searching the forums hoping to find something that would help me. I came across this thread and it kind of clicked with me. I am 19 years old. I became pregnant with my daughter in august of 2004. I too considered giving her a better life through adoption. I decided to raise her myself, because once i held her in my arms, i just could not give her away. My daughter is 7 months old now. She's wonderful... She surprises me daily with new things that she can do. I have a delimma though. I am again 15 weeks pregnant. I'm due the second week in June. The father and I are married, but we are both only 19 and live in his mom's home with our daughter. Finances are not great and I'm not sure what I should do. I'm having great depression issues and have had a lot of marital abuse and stress in the past 3 month. Since I found out I was pregnant, my husband has became very angry. Not directed towards me or the baby, but i believe that although we have one child another is going to be a great deal of stress. My daughter will only be a year old when this baby comes..and i'm not sure that i know how to handle this. I'm just now learning how to be mommy to summer (my baby) Let alone another child. Someone please reply and give me some advice or support or something. I need help.

[momdad2bee]

Shannon ... I would like to congratulate you on the pregnancy I am sorry that your husband is angry over the pregnancy and you stated that there is some marital abuse and stress. I am only offering advice here - you are TOO young to be going through this. You have to do something to ensure a safe enviroment for you and your daughter - and your unborn child. It sounds like the pregnancy was not planned - but hey it takes 2 to tango ... and thank goodness you are healthy - things could be worse.... you could have come home and told your husband that you had a terminal illness ... like I said thank goodness! I understand the stress that an unplanned pregnancy may be putting on you and your marriage ...I am on the other end of things, my marriage was put through the test with fertility issues .... but it has made us stronger. Maybe the situations are completly opposite - but they are both big life changing situations...so I do know the stress

I am really concerned for you and your daughter - there are shelters and assistance out there if you decided to take that route ....maybe you could go back home with your parents ? It makes me so sad when I hear that someone is in a situation like yours and they feel trapped. I hope you know that you are not trapped - the are people out there who will help you.

If you would like me to help you find a safe place for you and your daughter - I would be more than happy to help ... if you are just looking for someone to talk to or listen - I would be just as happy to be there for you.

I wish you much luck and peace in your life ..... Please keep us posted as to how things are going!

Best wishes Shannon!

Jackie

[vera19]

I just want to say Congrats to you and your family.

Wishing the best for you.

[AwaitingBeloved]

Hi Shannon,
Yes, you do have a lot on your plate.

You said that finances are an issue. If this is the only reason you're considering adoption, or even if it's the main reason, really check out resources available to you and your husband. I believe that where there is a will there is a way, and if you really want your second baby, you can make it work.

Oh, you also said something about just learning how to be a mom to Summer. I think that happens with lots of moms, their first child is their learning curve. And at 19 and with your daughter only being 1, I think you've done quite well if you're already recognizing how to be a better mom. Give yourself some credit. :-)

The bigger concern is how you mentioned abuse. Please be careful and take care of yourself, your daughter, and this unborn child. There will always be times of stress and if abuse is how (I'm assuming you were referring to your husband?) your husband handles stress, you may want to really think about your own future and your kids'. There will be many stressful times and you nor your children deserve to be abused. Nobody does.

I hope you find the strength to deal with the abuse you referred to. And maybe once that's resolved you'll be able to see what you are and are not capable of with this pregnancy. I think if you want this baby, you can make it work.