[kiexiza]

Not for the choice of adoption but for being 30 with 3 kids and in this situation to begin with. most of the birth mother stories Ive heard are of young teenagers or young women in college. I am or was at least comforted to learn that there are women 30 plus with families in this same situation. It does make one feel not so all alone.
How does one make the choice of givin your child to another a stranger to raise, I know open adotion < i can see my child, get pictures video. But they will raise my child. Please help me.........

[Alura764]

Hi, well everyone does things in life that they someday might regret, that's life. We screw up, or stumble then we pick ourselves up, brush off the dust and face the day head on. No shame there, we've all done it.

In regards to the question, I would suggest talking to someone. Your minister, your significant other, or you mom. Then sit back and really think about it and pray, I believe that you will find your answer within yourself. You know what to expect having children already and you know what you can handle.

I cannot say that I know what you are feeling, but you sound like a person with a head on you shoulders and figure this out. It has to be something you can live with.

I wish you luck, I really believe that God will help you if you let him.

Want to e-mail me Alura764@attbi.com

God Bless
Ruth

[kiexiza]

HA, never, thats why im moveing ASAP. My mother a minster student i might add would be first in line to take me to the abortion clinic. NAW no thank you all the while tellin me what a screw up I am and how ive messed up my life once again how i wont be anythin will NEVER get marrie dnow 4 kids wholl maryy a woman with 4 kids. naw No thanks. I do though pray a lot, and ive found a strength source and he's great supportive beyond belief. He doesnt point out the obvious, I know what i did, he just helps to figure out " ok now what" my mom is ... naw shed have me ready yo committ sucide for get abortion or adoition. I wish i could go to her.
GOD is all I have left now, its funny how things work out.

[lulubu]

Hi, I read your posts and want to encourage you! There is no one who is perfect and without mistakes. I firmly believe that GOD makes all things happen for a reason and will stay with you through resolution of challenges. My husband and I have had some tough challenges and finally 3 years ago realized that God had to "hit us over the head" to really believe. We do now. We are waiting to be chosen as adoptive parents and while we wonder why we weren't able to conceive our own and have disappointed, we also held onto the strong belief that GOD has his reason and we'll be glad we couldn't when we hold the baby he is planning for us the first time.

So what I am saying is this. Stay strong, stay positive and realize that you are a big part of his plan which will effect another's life. You will be an angel to the child you are carrying and to an adoptive couple if you choose the adoption route. Good luck to you and keep your faith!

Lulu

[kiexiza]

thank you for your kind words, I think i am feelin fustrated in my search for a family to adopt an ethnic baby, there are VERY few ethnic families avail. to see out of the hundreds ive searched and out of the ones i have searched even few of them Caucassion or other than ethnic background are willin to adopt an ethnic baby. So my road is gettin mudled and its causing distess. I do not want to abort i made a promise and im in the process of moving and wantin to go back to school. at 30 i feel i have nothing to show for my 10 years of being an adult but 3 kids, no tthat they arent good gifts from god, but this wasnt the dream even the what if it goes wrong this isnt what i thought. SO here I am pregnant though using protection. and i really dont think the father is going to be supportive. and the thought of goin at it alone is scary. I could do it, but would it be fair?
I guess life isnt fair when we stray from GOD's path.

[lulubu]

You know you've made a mistake, you are going to have a bumpy road for a bit, but you are handling it well so there will be a reward at the end. You will grow and be a stronger person. For whatever reason you have to grow in this way-maybe to be there for your kids when they make a mistake. You are young, you have children that you are raising to be wonderful people. You have goals and will attain them. The right path will present itself and you will know it. And life will settle down before getting bumpy again for another reason. That's just life. We all make mistakes and always will. You just keep doing the right thing as you know it and God will smile! Take care and good luck!

Lulu

[kiexiza]

Thank you for your kind words, as ive said i have no one really i can talk to. I have an online Gift from GOD that i talk to regulary. but that you for being here and I thank GOD that I found this site if for no other reason than the support no matter what road I choose for my baby. thank you

[lovestory]

kiexiza

The best to you in the weeks ahead! I can't imagine going through what you are, and having to do it alone...yet you are not alone. As you have stated, God is with you. I am SO sorry that your Mother is not more supportive.

Do not 'beat yourself up' for yoursupposed mistakes. There is a reason and a purpose for all things. Look within your heart to find the answers...God will place them there.

It seems that you are leaning toward the option of adoption. This is a wonderful opportunity to bring joy and happiness to another family. But do remember that this is not your only option. There are many resources for single Mother's.

There are many, many, people who are willing and WANTING to adopt a child with a different ethnic background. (Just curious, what is the ethinic background of your baby?) Many who would prefer this. One thing I DO suggest. If you want to choose a good family, and not have finances be the issue. (Many agencies, and facilitators will charge adoptive families THOUSANDS.) Research all your options...and even consider a private adoption, or work with a subsidized agency. There are many adoptive couples who WANT to adopt, but do not have the finances to pay the 10's of Thousands that some agencies or facilitators charge.

There are profiles here on-line that you can search through. Here at ParentProfiles.com Or www.hopetoadopt.com, is another...also www.abcadoptions.com

Counseling is another important thing...especially with no family support. Here is a number to a Family Services: 1-800-537-6658. They will be able to get you in touch with the Family Services closest to you...if you choose. (No obligation or charge to you)

Best of luck, and if you have any more ?s just let me know.

Stephanie

[Alura764]

I understand your frustration, but how do you know that this is not what god had planned for you? Everything happens for a reason and maybe the child you are carrying is the scientist who discovers the cure for Aids or the bringer of world peace. You just don't know. So before you beat yourself up over this, thank god for what you have and go on. You are an intelligent person and a good mother so sit up think it through and deal with it the best you can, I mean in the end that's all everyone does. But remember there must be a reason you were chosen to bring this precious life into the world. Just do the best with the resources you have and make the best decision for you and your children.


I will pray for you and God Bless
Ruth

[calfriend]

Find peace within yourself and find the strength to deal with your situation. Nature has simply taken it's course! You will get through it just fine. Take a look at this site where there are many diverse (I like the term diverse as opposed to bi-racial or multi-ethnic) couples who would love to talk with you. Best of luck!
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/

[kiexiza]

I can not believe How you people act? I am sorry but i have never heard or been arond so much POSITIVE energy in my life. I wont go into my own life story, but its not pretty but i made it through. I just dont know people like you. I do though believe that GOD has a plan for me and The Devil works over time to keep me from it. I will not say this baby is a distraction or one of his vices. I do think children are gifts from GOD. and i just hope i make the right decision for us.

[lovestory]

LOL. I've never had quite that reaction to positiveness. I think a lot of why there is a lot of 'positive' vibes going on, is cause we learn and gain a lot from each other. AND we, each in our own way, have been through a lot. Wether we are adopted, hoping to adopt, or have placed/or considering adoption. Like they say, 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going.' That's the only way to make it through intact.

You said: "I just dont know people like you." Well, now you do. You have a whole board full of friends to help buoy you up, as you help them.

Stephanie

[Dawn_112]

Hi Kiexiza,
I would like to start by saying that you should not feel "stupid" at all. I myself had an unplanned pregnancy , and though I knew I wanted to parent, I didn't feel any better about it being unplanned. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and you will bless some family with what you consider your "mistake". I can not imagine not having family to turn to though and I can only think that it must be very difficult to face this alone.
I responded to your post for two reasons: The first being that I just couldn't read your touching words about how you feel about your life and not respond by saying " Please hang in there, be strong for your other children, and though you may worry (It is quite natural to do so) try to take a deep breath and maybe look into the suggestions of some of the people who responded to your post. Secondly, I responded because you said that you were having a difficult time finding a family willing to adopt an ethnical (can't remember the exact wording) baby. My husband and I are biracial -technically speaking. I am full AA and he is AA/Indian . We have 6 wonderful girls, but we are having a very difficult time matching with a baby boy. There are now so many families of other races open to adopting children of color that now we, a family of color, are having a difficult time getting matched. So please, don't give up hope, there is a family out there for your baby. Oh, one more thing : if you choose to work with an agency or a facilitator, choose carefully! Some professionals (not all) would like nothing better than to sell your baby to the highest bidder. I hate to say that , but take a look for yourself at the fees they are asking, it's true.
Anyway, if you need to talk, looks like there are a lot of us here to support you. Hope this helps, Dawn

dawn_112@hotmail.com

[vicrose]

Dear K, Please don't beat yourself up over the pregnancy, because God has a plan for all of us, and even though we wish at times we knew what that plan were..we don't, we just have to trust in Jesus, and he will make it right. I'm 36 now, and about 11 years ago I was a mess.. I was married to a horrible man who would beat me, belittle me, and just literally threw my whole life in a tailspin. I had one child and another one on the way, and I just went to church and said "Lord, please somehow,someway,lead me to a better life" - you see I had been adopted as an infant, but did not grow up in a very loving home-so I left when I was 22 and made a life for myself- and then this pig of a man treated me very kindly at first, but then the bad stuff happened, anyway- I eventually had his 2nd child, and through the grace of God this pig man's mistress gave him an ultimatum to leave me or lose her-so guess what, THANK GOD-he chose her, and he was finally out of our lives-FOREVER!!!!! ALLELUIA!!!! Anyway, it was always an uphill battle to pay for child care,work and put food in my children's mouth's, but I told God that if he just got this man out of our lives, that I would find a way for my children's sake. Eventually I met and married a wonderful man and married again, and we had a beautiful daughter 3 years ago. I am not against adoption, but pleaaaaaase if you are going to go that route then please get to know the family, and get an open adoption so that you can see this baby grow, and you can know that this child is o.k.-closed adoptions are a thing of the past- I'm sure if my mother would of known the parents, she wouldn't of chose them. Stay strong, and please pray and ask God for help..and if you ever need a friend to chat with..don't hesitate to e-mail me at CarlBren@optonline.net.

[Dawn_112]

I was just checking on you to see how things are going? You will recieve a lot of support here and I hope you are feeling better about things. I'm just writing to let you know that someone cares and has been there too. Hope all is well, Dawn