[slcone]

Hi, I am the mother of a teenage birthmother considering adoption. She will be the bmother of a bi-racial child. I stumbled across this forum and hope that there are folks out there with advise.

It is very early in the pregnancy, so we are not looking to match right away. However, I have been searching various sites. have read hundreds of Birthparent Letters, and have received information via USPS from an Open Adotion Agency.

While searching the many sites, I've keyed in search criteria for bi-racial. There were many Aparents that appeared on the list, however through email contact, many of them stated they were not interested in "that particular combination".

I'm very disturbed and disappointed. I guess I thought Aparents would be delighted to have a baby regardless of gender, race, etc...... I can tell this is going to be a very long pregnancy and search with many disappointments.

Thanks for listening.

Slcone@carolina.rr.com

[glbowman]

Hi,

I am an adoptee and I have recently found out that I am if mixed origin. it is quite small and not obivous to look at me!

I know this is going back a while but in 1979 my parents signed to say that they didn't mind having a bay of mixed race. There are som many parents out there that are desparte for a chilld that you would think that such a small thing would not matter. Also it is increasingly hard for people to get a new born, which I assume would be your situation that I am very suprised you have not found anyone wanting your dauhgters child.

All the luck in the world to you.

Hi, first I want to say how wonderful it is that you are supporting your daughter and the placement of her baby. I think it makes a world of difference when a birthmom is supported at home.
I think alot of people who are adopting are willing to take any child. I know in our case we just wanted a baby, I could have cared less if it was green with red polka dots!! Our first placement was a white baby, so we as a couple felt it would be wrong of us to accept a biracial baby the second time around. We felt the child would have no one to identify with in our home. I know from talking with other adoptive families it is not the aparents that have issues with adopting biracialy it is their extended families. Have you thought of looking at a military family? Military communities are full of different cultures and races. We are military and I see mixed families all the time. I think it is great to have a community that is so diverse. Good luck to the two of you!!! God Bless.

[slcone]

glbowan and Bailey,

Thanks so much for your replies and support. Any and all suggestions are certainly welcome. Keep them coming my way!!

slcone@carolina.rr.com

[smileygirl]

Have you tried searching www.ParentProfiles.com? There are at least 30 couples that come up when doing a search for those interested in adopting a multi-racial baby. Good luck in your search for adoptive parents!!

smileygirl
Moderator - AdoptionForums.com

[evansmum]

You can also try www.canadaadopts.com as well. I don't know if you have considered adopting into Canada. It's something that you would have to speak to your daughter about - always an option.

My husband and I foster children in Canada, and we've seen so far that race really doesn't matter to a lot of adoptive parents, as long as they finally complete their family. However, some just can't, and that's okay too. It's better to know that right away, instead of getting to know this family, and THEN realizing that they aren't comfortable with adopting your child/grandchild.

It IS better, though, if a family is uncomfortable adopting a certain child, that they don't. I know that your daughter would want her child with a family that accepts him/her completely, rather than one that is soo desperate for a child, they don't think it through, and find it difficult later on.

Some advice though....... even though your daughter is young, please remember that the decision to relinquish, and to whom, is entirely up to her (and the birth father??). I had my first son when I was 17, and my parents had a hard time at first remembering that I was the person making the decisions. They really didn't come to terms with that until after Brandon was born. I decided to keep my son, but adoption was considered very seriously.

I wish you luck in your (and your daughter's) journey. It's going to be long and difficult, but if she makes the right decision in her heart, whatever that may be, it will be worth it. Keep us posted. Feel free to send me a line.

[slcone]

Thanks Meghan,

I most certainly agree that all of the decisions will be up to my daughter. I'm only out here doing the leg work for her and obtaining as much information as I can. This is all new to us and she has enough to worry about with being pregnant, attending school, etc.... I'm doing whatever I can to make things easier for her.

I have not considered Canada at this time. My daughter wants a true open adoption and with that in mind, she hopes to find someone in the Southeastern Region of the US. However, we will not discount all possibilities.

I've had some wonderful feedback from all of you. Thanks so much. I'm sure it won't end here.

Slcone

[evansmum]

I know exactly how she feels being pregnant and continuing her schooling. When I graduated from high school, my son was 15 months old. I then went to college, met my *future husband*, and then we got married and had another little boy. I'm not trying to push for her to keep the baby; I am just one of the "fluke" success stories. Not everyone can do what I did. Not everyone has the amazing support system that I had. My mother even quit her job to care for my son while I finished high school and college. AND AND AND......... SHE is my ADOPTIVE mother!!! I tell ya, she's wonderful!!!!

I didn't mean to assume that you were making the decisions, that was just what happened to me. She didn't mean to, she was just my mom and didn't want me to have to go through all of it at such a young age. It's very nice to hear that you are standing by your daughter though. Just by what you are writing, you seem to be a very caring mother, and your daughter is lucky to have you.

If your daughter ever wants to talk about what I went through, considering adoption and profiles of adoptive parents (yes, I went that far before reconsidering), just give her my email address. I'm only 24, so it wasn't that long ago when I was in her situation. I PROMISE not to push for parenting. It shows how mature she is just for realizing that she's NOT ready. That's a hard thing to do - to admit that you can't do something.

Again, best of luck in whatever happens,

[Coley1]

I think it is so great that you are being so supportive to your daughter. I wish my mother had been like that with me.

I have a friend who placed a bi-racial child and it was a little harder for her to find a couple, but it is not impossible. Like someone said before, there are couples who are desperate and will love a bi-racial baby as they would with any other child. I know this disturbs you and me and most of us here.

I wish both of you the best and please contact me anytime if you need any help.

~Coley~

[bmLisa]

I hope that you will be able to find a couple who is willing to adopt a biracial baby not because they are desperate for a child, but because being biracial does not matter to them. I feel very strongly that if a couple who is looking to adopt a child has totally come to terms with the reasons that make it impossible for them to have biological children, then they probably have sat down and put a lot of thought into what kind of adoption they are willing to make. You never mentioned if your daughter is looking for an open adoption, or a closed one, but if she is hoping for an open relationship then I hope that she really takes the time to learn all she can about adoption. I don't know how many stories from birthparents I have read where they made the adoption plan with the adoptive parents who agreed to a level of openness, only to have the aparents go back on their word and not continue communication after the baby is born. I may be generalizing, but I wonder how many of them said what the birthmother wanted to hear so that they could begin their family. By no means am I saying that that is the case every time, but I have to wonder. It is wonderful that you are doing so much to help your daughter, and as a birthmother I would encourage you to try and get her some counseling with an social worker who specializes in adoption counseling. I know that the help I received and continue to receive from my social worker has been the number one reason that I am at peace with my decision to place my son.

Good luck,
lisa

Don't give up. I have a friend who adopted 1/2 white and 1/2 african american. They are trilled with their baby girl.

Thanks to you for being such a supportive mom and being concerned about your child's well-being.

If you would like to talk, e-mail at classiccopy2002@aol.com

Lorie

[usmcfamily]

At least you are finding out now the whole process, but there our hundreds of families out there that truly only want a child to raise, the sad part is that some people will say anything to get the baby not considering the fact that they will hurt some honest birthmother when they change their mind. Or on the opposite end we are a white couple open to any child race, or need and was matched with a biracial child only to have the family saw we were to white and wouldn't know how to raise the child. We are a military family who know no color only hearts. So you see there are people out there you just have to look at the hearts of these people and talk to them personally. Ask about there friends and neighborhood and their family makeup then you will know for sure. Remember people can say anything, it is the child that will suffer in the long run if they are not sure of what they can or can't accept it better to find out now then later.

[leimers]

My husband and I are have just started looking into adoption and the first thing I asked him was what about a bi-racial child, knowing how hard it was for a friend of mine to find parents for her child was, I was so happy that he said the same thing that I did IT DOESN'T MATTER a child no matter the race should have parents that love and nurture them throughout thier lives from the minute they are brought into this world. I hope that you find parents for the baby that will love him/her unconditionally. Because I know that if it was my child I would cherish every moment I had w/this child no matter where they came from. We all have history his/hers just started early. Good Luck with whatever she chooses to do and just know with all your heart it is the right thing and the right family. Best of LUCK!

[sneall]

Hi, I am surprised that you would have trouble placing a bi-racial baby. Maybe instead of the traditional route-thru an agency or attorney you should seek out aparents through profiles on the net? These aparents have completed home studies and are just waiting to adopt-I have read alot of their profiles and a biracial baby seems to be no problem. Some one suggested parentprofile and I will suggest hopetoadopt.com. Good luck and keep showing your daughter the love and support you have. God Bless. Stacie

[calfriend]

Matching is a difficult process for all involved, unfortunately, and dissapointments should be expected on both sides. Two things are important, one that you don't want to place a child with a family that is not a good match, and two, that at the end, you should be at peace, your baby will have a bright and happy future, and the adopting couple will be extremely happy, for ever! good luck!