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Originally Posted By Caroline

You don't need to wait. There are plenty of children in orphanages who will probably die if they dont get a good home. Rather than "waiting" around while these children languish in misery and hopelessness, why dont you reach out to one of them instead of lurking around birthmother sights waiting to pounce on some other womans baby, just so you can create some kind of illusion of having had your own baby. Im so sick and tired of all these Adoptive famillies "in waiting" when there are so many children out there who need homes!

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Originally Posted By Pro Choice Adoptee

Im in total agreement with the other adoptee who responded. Im adopted and I love my parents, but I hate being adopted. I hate not knowing who I am. I hate having some judge tell me Im not ALLOWED to know who I am. I hate having all these questions that will probably never get answered. I hate feeling suspicious all the time that my parents know more that they are telling me. And I REALLY hate being told to shut up and just be "grateful". Ive never had the misfortune of of having an unplanned pregnancy, but I have had friends who have, and a lot of them, knowing Im adopted have asked for my opinion, and I always tell them abortion. There are millions of kids that are already here that need homes. We dont need to bring any more in the world. If adoptive parents really want to be these unselfish "saviors" to unwanted children, they should take a child out of an orphanage or the foster care system instead of some other womans arms!

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Originally Posted By PJ

If Laura or Heather were my birthmother I'd say "I wouldnt blame you if you went the other way." Being adopted sucks, and from what I can see here, being a birthmother aint no picnic either.

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Originally Posted By Leigh

I am the woman who posted under Successful Adoption Stories that I am keeping my baby. I am due in a matter of days, and I am so glad that I have made the choice to keep my daughter. It seems like wherever I turned, I heard from birthmoms and adoptees who were hurting from adoption, including from the lack of promised contact. I heard from adoptive parents who saw nothing wrong with breaking their open adoption agreements.

Yes, I did meet some really nice adoptive parents, but when faced with large numbers of birthmoms AND adoptive parents telling me that open adoption contracts are made to be broken, I found it difficult to trust even the nice couples I met.

I thought I'd be willing to suffer and grieve for my child if giving her up would make her life better. Luckily, I joined a yahoo search group for birthparets and adoptees, and I learned how many adoptees were hurting over the loss of their birthfamily and their origins. I realized that giving up my baby was not in her best interests or mine.

My heart goes out to Laurie and Heather. I cannot imagine a greater betrayal than having the people you entrusted with your child turn their back on you. I honestly hope and pray that every woman who has placed her baby is able to maintain contact with her child and find peace with her decision. And I hope that those of you who have lost your little ones are able to find them again.

Love and hugs,
Leigh and baby

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Originally Posted By Bmom Chris

I had a successful Adoption, the Adoptive Parents have always kept their word to me, I Love them dearly and I know that they Love me. My son is now of leagal age and yes we are in a reunion, but honestly, it's not going well at all, if I could go back, I know I wouldn't have chose an Abortion (reason's personal to me),would I keep my son, No. Do I have regret's, YES, but I chose to do what I did to survive, and with all my being I can say that it was the right decision, it may not work out the way I want, but it truly was meant to be.

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Originally Posted By Teri

Yes, I really am true. Leigh even communicated with my son's birthmother and heard from her first hand that we have always respected her wishes. I am not worried about my son wanting his birthparents back--He has them and understands that we all meet different, but important needs for him. I have great empathy for those who had their babies taken from them under false pretenses but I am not guilty of that. And I don't believe I am in the minority. I have read these boards and understand that many birthmothers have been wronged but there are many positive adoption stories out there. I personally know of MANY adult adoptees and birthmothers that feel adoption was truly the best option for them.

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Originally Posted By Leigh

I did communicate with Teri and with her son's birthmom, and I can vouch for her and her husband being an adoptive family that really does seem to believe in openness and has honored commitments to the birthfamily. Their son's birthmom was really very positive about her whole adoption experience.

Now, there do seem to be more unhappy birthmoms online than happy ones, but I don't know if that's because those who have been hurt feel they have a greater need to speak out or what. Still, I believe that women considering placing their babies do need to hear both the good AND the bad stories related to adoption.

Unfortunately, open adoption agreements are not legally binding, and we have to look around and try to find the family we would trust the most with our children. A family who has adopted before and maintained a successful open relationship with the birthfamily can demonstrate that they are capable of maintaining open relationships and aren't threatened by the birthparents. With families who've never been through adoption before or who have only experienced closed adoption, it's more of a question mark. I wish I had some sort of magical list of questions you could ask adoptive couples to figure out who is trustworthy and who is not, but I don't. The best advice I guess I can give to those who feel they must put their babies up for adoption is to do your research, know your state's laws and your rights as the parent, and above all else, trust your gut instincts. If something seems funny or even just a little odd, don't ignore it! It's better to speak up now and hurt someone's feelings than to ignore your instincts and end up losing contact with your child!

If anyone wants to e-mail or chat, feel free to write me at mystarflower@yahoo.com. I wish everyone the best of luck.

-Leigh and baby

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Originally Posted By A Birthmother

As a Birthmother I do not think you were bashing anyone, I for one think that it is great that you are willing to tell your story, just as Laurie is willing to tell her story, that's how we all learn, each of us have our own feelings, none of which are right or wrong, it's just how we feel.

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Originally Posted By Jen

For Sure Laurie. I would definetly make a different choice. I have friends who had abortions and they are not nearly as miserable as me. They dont care that they never hear from the Dr. who did it, but I care very much that I never hear from the couple that took my daughter. ANd I cant complain because nobody wants me to talk about it. My friends are off having a good time, and Im sad forever. So yea, I wish I had an abortion. SOrry.

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Originally Posted By Jen

Right ON! Amen! And all the rest! Theres tons of kids out there that need homes, but nobody wants them because they are not cute little babies that they can lie to and tell them they are their own and play pretend family. Id never take a baby away from another woman. Im going to adopt foster kids some day.

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Originally Posted By Kati

Adoption is not the only alternative to abortion!
I placed my twin daughters for adoption when I was 16 years old. I am now 25 years old and I haven't heard anything about my girls since they were 4 weeks old. I received ONE photograph in what was supposed to be an OPEN adoption. All their "promises" were lies!
They told me what I wanted to hear in order to get my daughters. Our adoption was supposed to include not only pictures and phone contact but visits as well.

I placed my girls for adoption because I was a teenager with no place to go and since their birth, I've completed college and now I am almost finished with law school. I own my home home and I am going to be married in December. I now have the life I dreamed my girls would have and I here I sit wondering exactly what life they do have. I have no idea, I don't even know what state they are in now.

Of course I do not wish I had chosen abortion. I gave birth to two stunningly gorgeous baby girls that I am
proud to know they exist in this world.

However, I do regret my decision to place them for adoption. I don't know if they are hurting or if they are happy. It's a very difficult way to live.

There are other options. There are people out there who will help birth mothers get on their feet, give them options to raise their children, and there is foster care or guardianship. You don't HAVE to sign
over every right you have because you're young, single and pregnant. There IS help. I will help any young mother out there who needs it. I have no desire to adopt children but would take a young pregnant girl into my home and give her the tools she needs to make it on her own in a heartbeat.

Much peace to all other regretful birth moms out there.
Our day to meet our children will come.

Kati

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Originally Posted By BMom, Wife of adoptee, AMom in waiting

Adoption has touch our lives more than the average person. I am a birthmother and altho I do have a few regreats, I'm glad I had my Son, as he is a wonderful, well adjusted, happy 21 year old now. I took the reponsiblity and had the I played now I pay attitude and chose to give my child life and not have him ripped into pieces and sucked out of me with an abortion. My husband is an adoptee, He is very happy, Well adjusted, normal adult that loves his adoptive father (A Mom died when he was 5) with all his heart and soul . He knows his birthmom and thanks her every time they speak (He calls her Mom)for giving him life. And we are also hopeful adoptive parents that want an open adoption and what we say comes from the heart with open honesty. Knowing what we know because of who we are and what we have been through, We know that open is the best for us and the child we hope to get bleseed with. So I take offence when I hear birthparents say that we are ALL dishonest and are only out to get a baby. Yes it is true that some but not all adoptive parents say one thing and do another. Thats why I am a firm believer in not useing an agency to control what or how much contact, It should be private between Us and our birthparents with only a legal contract with an attorney and our hearts.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By BMom, Wife of adoptee, AMom in waiting

Adoption has touch our lives more than the average person. I am a birthmother and altho I do have a few regreats, I'm glad I had my Son, as he is a wonderful, well adjusted, happy 21 year old now. I took the reponsiblity and had the I played now I pay attitude and chose to give my child life and not have him ripped into pieces and sucked out of me with an abortion. My husband is an adoptee, He is very happy, Well adjusted, normal adult that loves his adoptive father (A Mom died when he was 5) with all his heart and soul . He knows his birthmom and thanks her every time they speak (He calls her Mom)for giving him life. And we are also hopeful adoptive parents that want an open adoption and what we say comes from the heart with open honesty. Knowing what we know because of who we are and what we have been through, We know that open is the best for us and the child we hope to get bleseed with. So I take offence when I hear birthparents say that we are ALL dishonest and are only out to get a baby. Yes it is true that some but not all adoptive parents say one thing and do another. Thats why I am a firm believer in not useing an agency to control what or how much contact, It should be private between Us and our birthparents with only a legal contract with an attorney and our hearts.
Dana

[Archive]

Originally Posted By BMom, Wife of adoptee, AMom in waiting

Adoption has touch our lives more than the average person. I am a birthmother and altho I do have a few regreats, I'm glad I had my Son, as he is a wonderful, well adjusted, happy 21 year old now. I took the reponsiblity and had the I played now I pay attitude and chose to give my child life and not have him ripped into pieces and sucked out of me with an abortion. My husband is an adoptee, He is very happy, Well adjusted, normal adult that loves his adoptive father (A Mom died when he was 5) with all his heart and soul . He knows his birthmom and thanks her every time they speak (He calls her Mom)for giving him life. And we are also hopeful adoptive parents that want an open adoption and what we say comes from the heart with open honesty. Knowing what we know because of who we are and what we have been through, We know that open is the best for us and the child we hope to get bleseed with. So I take offence when I hear birthparents say that we are ALL dishonest and are only out to get a baby. Yes it is true that some but not all adoptive parents say one thing and do another. Thats why I am a firm believer in not useing an agency to control what or how much contact we have, It should be private between Us and our birthparents with only a legal contract with an attorney and our hearts.
Dana

[Archive]

Originally Posted By BMom, Wife of adoptee, AMom in waiting

Adoption has touch our lives more than the average person. I am a birthmother and altho I do have a few regreats, I'm glad I had my Son, as he is a wonderful, well adjusted, happy 21 year old now. I took the reponsiblity and had the I played now I pay attitude and chose to give my child life and not have him ripped into pieces and sucked out of me with an abortion. My husband is an adoptee, He is very happy, Well adjusted, normal adult that loves his adoptive father (A Mom died when he was 5) with all his heart and soul . He knows his birthmom and thanks her every time they speak (He calls her Mom)for giving him life. And we are also hopeful adoptive parents that want an open adoption and what we say comes from the heart with open honesty. Knowing what we know because of who we are and what we have been through, We know that open is the best for us and the child we hope to get bleseed with. So I take offence when I hear birthparents say that we are ALL dishonest and are only out to get a baby. Yes it is true that some but not all adoptive parents say one thing and do another. Thats why I am a firm believer in not useing an agency to control what or how much contact we have, It should be private between Us and our birthparents with only a legal contract with an attorney and our hearts.
Dana