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Originally Posted By Diane

Hi! I am so sorry that you were treated with such disrespect.What a shame....please realize that you are not at square one. You are still on your jopurney to find the parents that will raise your beautiful child.It is all just part of the journey...and for some reason(I am sure you will see why in retrospect) you made a connection with the less than honest people that you first connected with.I am an adoptive mom. My birthmom took me for a ride after the birth. But I kept my faith in the journey.Have faith,sister.I will be thinking of you,and praying for the best for you and your beautiful baby. God Bless you! Sincerely,Diane

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Originally Posted By alyshia

some how i lost faith in adoptive couples and makes me wonder if i want to place now after seeing the ugly side of it.

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Originally Posted By Tabby

It's your choice by all means but it is a shame that you let one bad experience cause you to loose faith in all adoptive couples because of one bad apple.
There are good and bad people in all parts of life and you just have to choose which one you will follow but it dose not mean you give up on everything just because of the bad ones if that was the case you would not have a life because you would be giving up on everyone & everything.
Something brought you to considering adoption and if your circumstances have changed or you have changed your mind and feel you want to parent then that's wonderful but if not and you are just relying on one bad experience to change your mind then you need to reconsider and realize that you are stereo typing and that is no different then saying because you are.... that means your no good and that's not right at all. How would you feel if you were put in that type of stereotype? Because you were pregnant and just because you could not raise your child and for whatever reason and it didn’t matter why you were there and you were just branded with that label, how would you feel? And would you not want a chance or be hurt that everyone assumed something about you that’s not true because of others.
Believe it or not the ugly side of adoption is the fact that too many people judge one another with no facts or little information and the stereotype is there on both sides and that is the sad & ugly part of adoption. Not adoption it self because it can be the most wonderful and loving experience shared with all involved and what a beautiful thing to give a child, lots of people who love him or her " a extended family"
Like the old saying " A child can never have to much love or to many people who love him or her"
Do what’s right for you in your heart don’t let one bad experience make that decision, make it from your heart.
God bless.

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Originally Posted By alyshia

i am changing my mind about the adoption for alot of different reasons. they are personal reasons which i dont owe an explantion for. but part of it has to do with the way some adoptive couples act and from the way i was treated. once you been burnt its hard to trust again. i am not that gullible just to go out and trust again.

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Originally Posted By Tabby

Well we are glad they are for personal reasons and no you don’t need to explain them or should you ever have to I’m just glad to see that you have clarified that it’s the way some adoptive parents acted not all. You have to follow your heart dear and do what you feel is best for you both. I know all of us here wish you and your sweet angel the best and you both are in our prayers. Just keep being strong and don’t give up on people or loose that wonderful quality you have of trust and faith because most people are good. Please know that and may all the angels watch over and guide and protect you both.
God bless you both.

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Originally Posted By Sean C

You are making the right choice. Keep your baby if there is any way possible to do it. Adoptive parents will do anything and say anything to take your baby, and never keep their promises. I am finding this out now from my birthmother. She was supposed to get pictures and letters once a year on my birthday. She never got one and I never got the ones she sent me (but she kept them, so I get to read them now) And when I turned 18 and she wrote to me my parents destroyed her letters, but she found me at schhol on the internet. I have a brother and sister too now. And my parents are very upset and we dont talk. So, your right, adoption is ugly and you are better off trying to keep your baby which will probably get lied to like I did.

Good Luck.

Sean

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Originally Posted By Diane

Hey Alyshia....I was happy to hear back from you.I too was very hurt,and angry.Boy,was I ever angry.It took some doing,but I had to sit still and listen to my heart.Not my fears.It is easy to listen to my fears....who wants to get hurt like that again???Not me....but I realized that I was spending an awful lot of my time on protecting myself from pain.Who was Ii kidding....I was already in tremendous pain. So, I listened to my heart,as to what I wanted....needed.Listen to your heart....you can't go wrong.Let me know how it all progresses for you.I wish the very best! Sincerely,Diane

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Originally Posted By alyshia

i am keeping my baby. i am glad for the choice i am making. i weighed all the reasons mainly i am keeping my daughter is because of how adoptive couples act and how my boyfriend said adoption affected his life.

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Originally Posted By Linda

From an adoptive parent and an ex-foster parent. You are right, there can be a good side and a bad side to adoption. I had the unfortunate experience to foster some children from adoptions gone very wrong. One of the families would have been anyone's pick to adopt their child unless they spent some time with them. Unfortunately they placed through an agency and never met the adoptive parents. The aparents had all the things money could buy. Unfortunately adad was a monster. But that isn't the norm. Studies show aparents are much less likely to abuse than the general population. But if you don't meet them yourself, you won't know.

My advice to anyone considering adoption of their child is to be as intrusive into their life before you place with them as you feel you need to be. Go spend a week with them. See how they really are. It will also make it easier for a relationship later on. Or show you if you WANT a relationship with them.
If they refuse that, so be it, move on and find someone "YOU" are comfortable with. If they promise an open adoption, remember that politicians promise many things when they want something. Ask to speak to some of their friends or extended family members. Ask THEM if they think the aparents will keep their promise. Consider picking a family that already has an open adoption or a child so that you can observe how they treat their children.
To Alyshia, I am sorry that you had that experience. Future aparents sometimes are very high strung because of things that have happened to them in their past. I know that isn't your problem, but sometimes they are overly emotional about the possibility of becoming a parent. They were probably just trying to make sure you were who you said you were instead of doing the trusting that both sides ultimately have to do in an adoption.

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Originally Posted By alyshia

they new i was who i said i was. they had my license number and so fourth. they were just animals and trying to run my life among other things. speaking of foster care system. one little girl was in a foster home waiting to go back to her real mothers home well the foster home mother killed the little girl and to top it all off she was a social worker as well for abused children and for the social services. now the woman is in prison. and i am glad. she is where she should be.
the family i was going to place with i heard thru the grapevine that they are still bothering me in an indirect way. they are still calling my doctors and attorney both my doctor and attorney have told me this earlier today as a matter of fact its so sickening. i called the police about this today. i made a report on this and both my doctor and attorney both have spoke to the police as well stating they were calling them about me. its all so nasty

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Originally Posted By To Alyshia

Alyshia,
I'm happy you have chosen to parent and we all wish you peace and happiness in your choice and hope all goes well for you. But once again you are stereo typing people into one category and that’s not RIGHT! I hope that when your beautiful child is born you will raise her to love people for themselves and not to judge others or label people just because of something one person may have done.
How would you act or like it if because you are unwed mother that some people can label your child because of that and started putting her in that category, would that be fair to your child? Of course not but how is that any better then what you are doing to adoptive parents putting them with a label. Thank God things have changed over the years and unwed mothers are not hidden and their children are not punished in society for that, but that was a very real thing and many young women were put with that label and so were their children.
I just hope that along with becoming a wonderful mother that maturity will follows and you don’t allow her to grow up judging others the way you have here. There is enough judgment and predigest in this country and we need to raise our children to love everyone and not judge by others and except one another.

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Originally Posted By ALYSHIA

HOW DO YOU KNOW I AM AN UNWED MOTHER? JUST CAUSE I CONSIDERED PLACING MAKES ME AN UNWED MOTHER?

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Originally Posted By you wrote it

We know you are un wed mother because you said so not because your placing but you wrote it not us...
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: hey Alyshia
alyshia 07-26-2002 / 03:26 PM

i am keeping my baby. i am glad for the choice i am making. i weighed all the reasons mainly i am keeping my daughter is because of how adoptive couples act and how my boyfriend said adoption affected his life.

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Originally Posted By alyshia

since the orginal post i got married so get a life