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Originally Posted By Mom2BSoon

Birthmother is 3 mo pregnant and i know for a fact that she is smoking pot and cigerettes. any sugestions what to do about this? What can I say to her

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Originally Posted By brenda

if you do say anything say it tactfully dont say anything that will lead her to decide on a different family because she could get offended.

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Originally Posted By PJ'Smom

But if you don't say something you will be affecting the life of your future child and what’s more important then that?
Nothing should matter more then the health of a innocent child I would rather have her get mad and worry about the little angel she is caring then that she will change her mind and if she dose it will hurt but not as much if you sat back and did nothing and your child was born with some type of birth defects because of it.
Think about it, what’s important to you?

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Are we really so afraid of birthmom's and desperate that we wouldn't step in to protect an unborn baby?

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My thought is that you should encourage her to get good prenatal care and stop using drugs or cigarettes. Also, if she is seeing a doctor regularly, the doctor will be able to talk to her as well about the dangers of smoking and using drugs during pregnancy.

However, nothing you do or say will force a person to act in a certain way unless she really wants to do it. If you talk to her about drug and cigarette use and are not satisfied with her response, then you have to decide whether or not to pursue a match with her. Not all matches are meant to happen, and she may not be the right birthmom for your family.

And yes, Heather is right in that until she signs adoption papers, the child is not really yours. Like it or not, she is more or less free to go about her life as she chooses. If you are looking for a situation where you can actively control what the pregnant woman does, surrogacy is probably a better idea than adoption.

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Originally Posted By It's about the Child!

Hello!! I think the concern should be the CHILD no matter who raise it. It is very obvious that those who think the adoptive parent should not mention the drug use has never seen a drug exposed baby or a child with birth deffects because of a mother who uses drugs while pregnant. Why should the child suffer or be punished because no one spoke up!
An unborn baby depends on his mother for nourishment. When a pregnant woman drinks alcohol or takes drugs, she risks damaging her unborn child. The good news is that alcohol or drug-related birth defects can be prevented. All the mother has to do during her pregnancy is to not drink alcohol or take drugs.

A baby is at risk for many preventable problems if the mother drinks alcohol, including beer and wine, during pregnancy. Babies born to mothers who drink can develop fetal alcohol syndrome. It is uncertain how much alcohol it takes to create a fetal alcohol syndrome infant. Fetal alcohol syndrome is one of three leading causes of physical and mental birth defects.

The following symptoms are characteristic of fetal alcohol syndrome:
* small size, particularly the head
* club foot, "strawberry" birthmarks, or facial deformities
* mental retardation
* learning disabilities
* behavioral problems
* jittery gait and lack of coordination and
* problems with the liver, kidneys, heart, and joints

When there is alcohol in the mother's blood, it is in her unborn baby's blood as well. Many of these babies suffer alcohol withdrawal, which can last from 1 week up to 6 months. The signs are agitation, tremors, and seizures. The physical damage of alcohol on a developing fetus lasts a lifetime. Any alcohol that a mother drinks puts her unborn baby at risk. Even modest drinkers have more miscarriages and stillborn babies than nondrinkers.

Infants whose mothers took drugs, such as cocaine or heroin, during their pregnancy may go through withdrawal at birth. Symptoms may range from mild to severe. They include hyperactivity, sleep and feeding problems, a high-pitched cry, fussiness, breathing problems, diarrhea, vomiting, and convulsions.

For mild symptoms, treatment may include oxygen if there is trouble breathing. Gentle handling, frequent feedings, and quiet, cozy surroundings are also helpful. Severe symptoms may require drug therapy as well.

Infants with drug withdrawal may be more prone to respiratory distress and sudden infant death syndrome. These infants should be watched closely. Their long-term development may also be affected.

So think about it! Dose it matter who raises the child or is it about the child!

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I would not want a baby that has been exposed to drugs and smoke of any kind!!!!! But that's me!!!!!!

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Originally Posted By Health of a Child and Mother

First, you should say something. Not that this young girl will listen, but I hope any mother would say something to a pregnant mom regarding drugs and her unborn baby. If you are afraid of what she will say or do, then you are not being honest in your feelings and what else aren't you being honest about in this relationship. Your main concern should be for the health of her baby, and then for her. She is obviously a very trouble young girl who has not thought things thru at this time in her life. Regardless of what her response is, you have an obligation to say something, or have her doctor say something. This cannot be about Your Needs, it has to be about the baby and the mother. Unfortunately, young girls who are confused are prime targets for relinquishing their babies and not understanding the full impact of their decisions until after its too late. I feel sorry for this young mother and her unborn child, I feel that society is exploiting her and her child. What has been done by all involved to help her w/counselling and offering her help to be able to raise her child on her own. If after months of help she feels it best for her and her baby, then adoption should be an option.