[michellemartin]

Hoping for the best for you. I cant imagine the worry you are feeling, but my opinion is if you dont try you wont know. So try and we'll be here to support you no matter what the outcome.

[iangeleyes]

Sandra,

If you don't try, you won't know. Someone told me this once before, and it really makes sense. I know how frightning it must be, but we will be praying for you.

[hopefulhearts]

i have felt this steaming anger inside for a few days.. ever since my case manager tried to put this major guilt trip on me.. i have been pissed off to no end now.. she was saying that now that i have friends in my group and now that i have met people that i have a responsibility to them to keep showing up and to carry on that friendship.. and thats just totally f-ed up!!! THE ONLY responsibilities i have in this WHOLE world anymore is for me.. and i can do what i please with me.. and i mean that.. I CAN DO WHAT I PLEASE WITH ME.. DEAD OR ALIVE.. i am no longer responsible for the kids that came out of me.. they have their own new parents.. i can do what i please with my life now.. if i choose to skip out early THAT IS MYYYYY CHOICE, DECISION AND BUSINESS.. no one elses business.. so my case manager was trying to lay all these guilt trips on me saying im reponsible for others and all that crap.. boy that blew me out the roof.. i chewed into her.. my T(ther*pist)came out a bit concerned.. well today we had session.. talked about it some.. it just angers me so much.. my T is going to talk to her and try to find out what all was said.. we are suppose to have session again tomorrow.. fun fun.. i also blew up at my heart mama.. she was saying nice ... good.. blah blah blah things about me with someone else.. and i didnt deserve it.. i didnt do anything for them to be talking good about me.. i didnt do anything nice or pleasent for them to say nice things about me in my forum.. in front of all my members.. so it very well did upset me.. and i went off.. man.. i told mama a thing or 2.. i yelled at her for saying nice things about me.. for saying i was good.. but not taking enough time out for me.. not taking good care of myself.. but that i looked good.. and so on.. i said if you want to talk about me do it in email.. not in my forum.. where people read all about me.. i was so so mad.. i am not good.. i am not pretty.. i dont want her talking about my kids in there... i dont want anyone to... NO BODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN REGARDING MY KIDS IN THERE.... ID RATHER JUST SAY THEY ARE DEAD THAN TO KEEP FEELING THIS PAIN... ugh.. i cant talk anymore words haveleft me.... sosryy

Kat

[michellemartin]

Hi Kat, I know I dont know you very well, but I am sad that you are in so much pain. I know being a birthmother can be very emotional, expecially when a person didnt choose to be a firstmother. Please stick with us.

[ingodshands]

Dear hopefulhearts

I am so sorry for the situation that you are in, and I really feel for you.

"bumskygirl2.. i just wanted to say how true what you said above feels like.. the pain of it all is just too hard to bare.. and often feel that my death would be the only way to ease the pain of losing them.. "

I too, often feel like the only way of stopping/ easing the pain, would be through my death, then I would be at peace.

Mine, is not missing my children, but missing my birthmother.
I do not know quite what to say to comfort you, but please keep talking on here, we are here to try to comfort and support you.

BIG SQUEEZY HUG TO YOU
Collette