[michellemartin]

And I wish there was a way to meet in person with other bmoms in my area. The agency I worked with only does 2 to 3 placements a year, so they really dont have a group setting to talk to other bmoms. I sort of wish I went with a bigger agency because of that, but then again when I walk in there they all know who I am and I kind of liked the more personal service there. They offer post counceling, but I havent taken advantage of it cause I guess I'd rather just talk to bmoms not the social worder any more... Well this year I'm starting to talk to high school classes!! about being a teen parent- with my older daughter - and being a firstmom! Maybe just letting people know I'm out there will open up some firstmom contacts in my area!! OK I'm being hopefull here. See ya all later!

[Robinsmom]

Kay, Thanks for your support, and the web site info, I think I will join, it can't hurt. I am still in a relationship with my birthdaughter, and I like you do not want to make any problems with her adopted family, I just wish, we had a place, don't you? I don't know where I belong and just how far I can push myself into her life. So I wait, for her to let me know. I is hard, you are right about that. My birthdaughter also has three full blooded siblings and 3 half siblings, she has met my oldest daughter, and they seemed to hit it off, but it is easier for them, cause they can just be friends, and because she has no adopted sisters, it was really nice for her to finally have one. Again, it's my spot, that I am having the trouble with. Maybe the web site will help. Again, I thank you from the bottem of my heart, and always know, there is always somebody traveling the same road as you.
Colleen

[michellemartin]

I had my first visit yesterday with my bdaughter. It was great, when they placed her in my arms, though, I wasnt expecting this big wiggly baby! Its only been 3 months, but I was just not expecting it for some crazy reason! She was supposed to still be this tiny little thing I last saw 3 months ago. The feeling of holding her and her being so different from what I expected was almost overwhelming. I had to take a moment to say to myself, Yes this really is the baby I so recently gave birth to. I would never have recognized her had I not known what her parents looked like!

[hopefulhearts]

i love reading yalls messages.. that yall still have contact with yalls bchildren.. and that yall still get to see them.. even though some of the time its often not good.. but each time i read them.. it all just leaves me sobbing so bad.. cause i dont have that chance to talk to them.. or see them.. and its breaking my heart so bad.. i love my babies so much and not having them in any part of my life is what the new parents chose after the adoption.. and its caused a part of me to die.. and the rest of me to cry forever..

Kat

[michellemartin]

Kat- did they promise open and close it right after? I cant imagine how terrible I'd feel if that were to happen to me. I feel so sad that things like that do happen and I wish I could go out and make everyone stand by their word! Will these agreements ever become legally binding?

[hopefulhearts]

before i signed the papers we agreed it would remain open.. so i would get to see the kids any time i wanted to.. they promised me that.. and they lied to me.. after the papers were signed and sealed.. and all workers left.. the new parents said that they will be stopping the visits with me and the kids from now on.. that my kids are having a hard time dealing with abandonment with me.. I HAVE NEVER ONCE.. NEVER.. ABANDONED MY CHILDREN.. how could they lie to me about my babies.. how could they take away my babies from my life.. they took away my life when they did that.. dont they realize that???

Kat

[bumskygirl2]

I have had a very hard time since the adoption of my twins. It seems like no one could understand that when you lose a child to adoption that you go thru a grieving process just like if they had died. And BOY did I go thru a grieving process. SThere was even a time that I refused to acknowledge that they had ever existed. It is almost relieving in a sick sort of way that there are others who have gone thru the same thing and that others are reashing out. Please arespond.

[hopefulhearts]

It seems like no one could understand that when you lose a child to adoption that you go thru a grieving process just like if they had died.

bumskygirl2.. i just wanted to say how true what you said above feels like.. the pain of it all is just too hard to bare.. and often feel that my death would be the only way to ease the pain of losing them..

Kat

[looking4mygirl]

I too am a birth mother, i gave my daughter up in 1990 after a 4 year fight , i have never stopped missing her, loving her, crying for her,, not a day goes by that i dont want to just go and tell her i love her,, it is especially hard for me because i know where she lives , goes to school and everything ,, but i am not allowed contact til she is 18, and her 18th birthday is only 10 days away,,, i am so scared to try to contact her,,

[hopefulhearts]

Originally posted by looking4mygirl
I too am a birth mother, i gave my daughter up in 1990 after a 4 year fight , i have never stopped missing her, loving her, crying for her,, not a day goes by that i dont want to just go and tell her i love her,, it is especially hard for me because i know where she lives , goes to school and everything ,, but i am not allowed contact til she is 18, and her 18th birthday is only 10 days away,,, i am so scared to try to contact her,,

wow.. 10 days away for you.. i couldnt even imagine what you must be feeling right now.. ive got years to wait before mine are anywhere around 18..

Kat

[looking4mygirl]

i am feeling all kinds of feelings right now, everything from worried to sacred to death of how things may turn out, but i pray to the good lord that every thing turns out good and we have a happy reunion

[Suny]

I just wanted to reply to looking4mydaughter. My heart is aching for you right now....with joy, fear, anxiety, hope. I wish you all of the best with this and hope that you keep us up to date. I have anotheryear and a half until my daughters 18th and am filled with.......all of the above.

Thinking about you!

[michellemartin]

Looking- How's it going? I am anxious to hear how it goes. Sending warm thoughts and wishing for the best in your reunion.

[iangeleyes]

I can't wait until your, now 9 days are up. I am so happy for you and wish you all the best. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[9-9-186 ISo bd]

i had to get a new name ,, had to reboot my computer,, i am still looking4mygirl, i have found alot of info,, but am so scared to call her Amom and talk to her,, it will break my heart if they wont let me see her,, even though she is 18 now,, i am still scared that the Aparents are going to stop anything i try to do,,