[Archive]

Originally Posted By Caitlin

I'm 18 years old and I gave birth to a beautifully perfect little girl, Celia, on June 13, 2001. I had decided to place Celia for adoption because I felt that it the only decision that involved her best interests. I didn't think that it was fair for her to be deprived of the family she deserved just because I couldn't provide it. Another big factor in my decision was the fact that I am also an adoptee so I guess I could realize the possibility of an amazing outcome of my decision. I was fortunately blessed with an incredible family and I wanted to find a family similar to my own for Celia.

I opted for a semi-open adoption where I got to choose the family through letters and had the option to meet them which I did. That was one of the most reassuring things I have ever done in my life and meeting them confirmed 100 percent in my mind that I was making the right decision. I can't think of any two people more deserving of a child than Celia's adoptive parents.

This whole experience, the last nine months of my life, seeing this side of the adoption process, has completely changed my whole perspective on everything. I often felt angry and confused about why my birthmother had given me up and I felt a lot of resentment because she left me no information at all which is why I really wanted to provide the adoptive parents with pictures of me for when, if Celia asks when she's growing up.

I've gained such a new respect for my birthmother and everyone who has made this decision. You never really hear about the birthmother even though adoption is more and more popular. I never fully realized that for every adoptee, there is a woman like me who decided to give the greatest gift of all: the gift of life.

I just recently graduated, without actually attending the ceremony and only a few family members know about my pregnancy and decision. Those who don't know keep congratulating me for graduating but in my mind I like to think that I am being congratulated for creating a wonderful baby girl and giving two more than deserving people the family they've always wanted.

I am a completely different but 100 percent better person now than I was nine months ago and I just needed to share my story to people who might understand because I really hadn't been able to share it with anyone. Thank you for listening.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Courtney

Dearest Caitlin ~
Welcome! I do hope that you come back and that your post wasn't just a one and only! I appreciate your willingness to share your experience with us, not only from a birthmother's perspective but as an adoptee. I am glad that you have been able to find peace with your feelings about your own birthmother, while at the same time being able to make a choice that you could be proud of. We have another adoptee/birthmother on our board (who I am sure will respond to this) who has recently experienced the same thing as she has reunited recently with her birthmother. What an amazing testimony for all!

I pray that your recovery is filled with a continuing sense of understanding and peace and that you will begin your new life in hope and love. Just remember that it's okay to experience ALL ranges of emotion - I just pray that when the downs come you will be open to support and that you will continue to seek understanding from others who know what you are going through. The first year is usually what is known as the "Honeymoon period" ... so I would encourage you to continue to work on your recovery even if you feel you don't need it. We would love to have you here often!

God Bless!
Courtney

[Archive]

Hi Caitlin!

I'm a birthmom and an adoptee too! (LOL, Courtney, here I am!) Isn't it an interesting perspective, to experience both? You gain insights that other adoptees, or other birthmothers, may never fully understand. And I have found that I am able to relate better with my own birthmother (who I have been in reunion with since March 2001). While I didn't feel as much anxiety/anger/confusion that you seemed to express about being an adoptee, I know that I now have fewer questions and a lot more gratitude for Annie (my birthmom) than I could ever begin to express. It has made our mother/daughter bond even greater, as we both share similar experiences and feelings.

As I made my adoption decision, I too felt confident in adoption based on my experience as an adoptee. I grew up with enormously supportive parents who have given unconditional love to both me & my brother (who is their biological child). It wasn't the entire reason for my decision, but as you said, was a very important factor.

I was wondering if you are reunited with any members of your birthfaily? After my son, Eric, was born on November 27, 2000, I felt a very strong need to find my birthmother with the simplest intentions of just saying "Thank you." After experiencing her same sadness, grief and sacrifices, I just had to tell her how much I loved and admired her for giving me what no one else could have - LIFE!

Having said that, here is a message to EVERY birthmother, coming from me as an ADOPTEE. Thank you for choosing life, and for putting your child's life above your own. Know that your children, even if they are never able to personally express it, appreciate the chance that you gave them!

Caitlin, I second Courtney in saying that I hope you continue to post here! There are many people here who come for support and to give support. Feel free to vent AS MUCH as you like! We're here to listen, and to support you in your every emotion.

Love, Jenn