[Archive]

Originally Posted By becca

Thank you all for the responses to "I am so confused" which I wrote last week. I continue to struggle with my feelings and emotions. Yesterday I spent all day with a good friend who is also expecting, is in a very similar situation to myself, and yet plans to keep her baby.
I feel as though I may not be able to live with my decision to relinquish, and yet I KNOW that for me, mothering is not an option. My overwhelming question for today is: WHY?????
I know that I cannot and will not parent. But it seems unfair to say that to my husband without at least attempting to explain why that is. And I just don't know.
Have you faced this very question within yourself? Please respond to this board-my email acct at flexnet is no longer available. Thank you so much.
Holding on....Becca.

[Archive]

I am a birthmom who relinquished in late November of last year. The birthfather constantly questioned my decision and was struggling with the adoption plan. Many times, he approached me saying that he wanted me to sign my rights over to HIM completely. At times like these, I had to explain the reasons why I felt adoption would be best. I wanted my baby to have two parents who were in a stable and committed relationship. I knew that I wouldn't have enough time for him because I'm still in college and working, and the same was true for his birthfather. Those were the big ones.

In your post, you said that you were having problems coming up with these "WHY" reasons. It might help if you take a while to envision the kind of future life you want for this baby. Think back to how your other children have been raised. Which parts of their lives do you think have happiest for you and for them, and then ask yourself if you can offer those same things for this new life. It's so hard to think of WHY, when all you have is this feeling in your heart of what you think is right. But, please, do try to communicate something to your husband, as that might make him more comfortable with an adoption plan. I don't remember if you mentioned anything about counseling, but your family may benefit from this. My counselor was invaluable to me, and I love and admire her so much. Hope I've helped. You and your family are in my prayers!

-Jennifer

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Tina

Becca,

     It sounds to me like you have really made your decision on this, you just can't put it into words yet. I think some of our deepest feelings are beyond words and may not be able to be explained, that may be what you are feeling. Since you have a friend in somewhat the same situation, could you explain why you think she's doing the right thing or wrong thing? Sometimes it's easier to voice ideas when it is a little bit removed from you. Also, maybe you could get your husband to explain more how he really feels, that might help you to open up responding to him. I think the counselor idea is great, even if you're not usually inclined toward counseling this may be the time for it. Above all, please realize you will have support here for whatever you decide, and whenever you decide.

Tina

[Archive]

Originally Posted By Laura

I'm just starting on the road to adoption myself, I'm not an expert by any means. I'm thinking that your husband will have a hard time unless he can understand and agree with your desires. I've heard that open adoptions are becoming more common. Perhaps you could choose a family who is willing to have an open adoption and let you be a part of your birth child's life. You'd have to match up with a couple who shared your ideas about raising children or I'd think it would be difficult, but if you found the right couple, maybe that would be easier for your husband.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide, my prayers are with you.

Laura
laurae@qwest.net