[givinghimup2010]

Ok so a little background;
My sisters dad has slept around a lot, and a while ago he found out he had a 4 year old son.

My youngest sister just found him on facebook (with our dad's help) and contacted him. He just found out he was adopted (I don't know how he found out just know it's recent) She told him she wanted to meet him sometime and he told her she wanted nothing to do with any of us or our dad. This hurt her feelings because it's important to her to know all of her brother and sisters.

I don't really know what to say to her. Any idea's


Thanks

[belleinblue1978]

Is there a typo in the age of the son?

[givinghimup2010]

sorry, i don't know how old he is now. I think he might be around 12 now

[RavenSong]

If he's only 12 years old, I would strongly caution your sister not to contact him without his aparents' consent. She's going to have to wait until he's 18...

[murphymalone]

I agree in this case that if the boy doesn't express any interest at this time; it would be wrong to initiate any further contact.

Where is the father in this situation? I can understand the response from the boy considering the father doesn't seem to be the one initiating contact. The resentment would be overwhelming in my opinion if other members of his family stepped in; no matter how good their intentions were.

[givinghimup2010]

I'm not really sure what he has or hasn't done, I don't talk to him much

[belleinblue1978]

She needs to stay away until he is at least 18. He needs to be a legal adult before she contacts him.

[murphymalone]

I am not sure how old your sister is but I am sure she is hurt. If you feel the need to seek someone out that's a good sign of compassion; but as others have said due to the age it may cause problems. This is a reminder that not just the adopted child suffers. Adoption is extremely complicated and there is no predicting how the act will impact the people involved.

If she's old enough; try to explain to her that decisions made by the adults in the situation are sometimes made without the ability to foresee how the results will turn out. Encourage her to remember that things may change down the road.

Adolescence is a very turbulent time and the teenager doesn't always have the ability to see clearly the ramifications of their actions. The boy may not have the capacity to absorb the fact that he is rejecting her or empathize with how that may make her feel. He may be caught up in his reactions.