[Sunshiny]

I was angry for many years about DD's adoption. The recently due what I have learned I became enraged. I hated the adoptive parents and all adoptive parents in general.

Now that I let myself experience the rage, and not try to talk myself out of it I find it has run it's course. I am still angry but not the type of anger that ruins the simple joys of life. Like visiting friends, walking the dogs, spending Saturday morning and afternoon with the kids and hubby.

I don't find myself hating anybody which is good. I still have my anger, but realize there are good adoptive parents who are trying to do the right thing. There's good and bad adoptive parents, good and bad natural parents.

I think on this forum and others we are all going through different emotions at different times. For me the most important thing was to feel it, own it, and work through it.

[Withay]

Thank you for sharing. Letting yourself experience your feelings (rage, sadness, grief, etc) is the healthiest way to work through them so you can move on. I'm glad that you have been able to work through your rage and have come out the other side a healthier persom.

Thank you too for realizing that there are good adoptive parents. I believe that many, if not the majority, of us are trying to do the right thing.

[Sunshiny]

Originally Posted by Withay

Thank you for sharing. Letting yourself experience your feelings (rage, sadness, grief, etc) is the healthiest way to work through them so you can move on. I'm glad that you have been able to work through your rage and have come out the other side a healthier persom.

Thank you too for realizing that there are good adoptive parents. I believe that many, if not the majority, of us are trying to do the right thing.

Thanks for the reply. I really don't know if the majority of adoptive parents are doing the right thing, as I have experienced an adoptive family who did not do the right thing. Nobody really keeps statistics of adoptions that have not gone as agreed upon, by either the adoptive parents or the biological parents. So until we really know those figures we can only guess.


With that said I wanted to post about my rage so that those in my shoes can understand that this type of rage, this feeling is not a permanent state of mind. That real life continues. You still need to be there for your immediate family, you still need to go to work, and you still need to be who you are. That the sadness is a part of your life but does not define your life. You still can experience and appreciate the people in you life. You just can't shut them out while you grieve as they need you to be engaged.

My rage has ran it's course because I choose to live in the "real" world. Not a world of what if's and should have, could haves. My family needs me fully engaged and accesible to them. My birthdaughter needs me too but since we cannot fully connect I need to wait until that happens if ever. I can be there to listen to her and support her but her adoptive family is the family that has physical custody and power over her.

In my anger I could coax her to be more defiant or add fuel to the fire to the "us against them" mentality that she at the moment embraces. But that would do anyone any good and only lead to a future for her that would be harmful.

So as time goes by I choose to live my life as a happy person, who allows herself to feel emotions but not act upon them. The feelings change and life gets a little easier. For all the natural mothers out there who have felt this rage, please understand that you are not alone and you can get over it.

[alys1]

Sunshiny, I'm very impressed by you saying this. Very impressed by the amount of work this has taken on your part, and how sophisticated it is. I so commend you for this. I also still hope and pray that you and your daughter, and the rest of your family, are reunited when she is older. I hope that is very healing for all of you, especially her.