[etty82]

Hi all. I have 2 daughters who were adopted over 10 years ago for their own safety from their father. The eldest is showing signs of wanting to know us but she is under 18. I know i am not allowed to contact them but what would happen if they contacted me first before the legal age? Im really confused as i wouldnt know what to do. I would never want to turn any of them away but i dont want either of us to get into trouble either. Thank you for reading.

[Sunshiny]

Talk to a good lawyer who will advise you of the laws in your state. In my state there is no law against contact just as it is not criminal for a minor to converse with an adult person who is not their relative or vice versa. Also I have advised my natural daughter on what the laws are to avoid her running away to us which would then be at the very least custodial interference if we allowed her to stay for more then a minute, and at worse enticing a child. Both criminal offenses.

As for the possibility of "either of us getting in to trouble" you have reason to be concerned. My natural daughter is being severely punished (3 going on 4 months now) for establishing contact with us and ceasing to follow her adoptive parents demands to have no contact with us now or ever.

Although it is very painful to hear and witness her struggles I do not regret for a minute that we are in reunion. She needed us, which is why she found us and initiated contact. She still needs us which is why she prefers punishment over no contact.

You can try what we did and ask the adoptive parents for contact with boundries that make them comfortable. I hope if you do it works better then it did for us. Understand that ours was an open adoption that was closed due to the adoptive family never intending to honor the agreement. Their response was to punish our daughter severely in an effort to cease communication.

[carol7906]

Definitely talk to a lawyer to know all the laws of your state, but maybe she wants contact with you too. Were the girls adopted through an agency or through the state?

Over the past few years I have worked with several families who have helped their children look for and find their birth parents. These kids, with adoptive parent support, have gone from sullen to bright when finding their birth parent.

[murphymalone]

"I have 2 daughters who were adopted over 10 years ago for their own safety from their father."

Are you still with this person? If so I would suggest that he has hopefully had intervention.

If not, it's your responsibility to insure that your daughters are aware of that fact. Have you validated what happened to them? If not I would suggest you do prior to any contact.

No law can restrict contact between two adults.

If he was declared an offender legally that might change things though. Is there a no contact order imposed by the courts? If so you place yourself in legal jeopardy if you assist contact in any way.

Talk to a lawyer absolutely. I would also suggest some counseling if you are still with him.

[littlewanderer]

I had to find out early. I couldn't wait because the not knowing was constantly on my mind and distracted me. Growing up was tough but it is even tougher when you don't know who you are.
Go through the agency and leave contact info and medical information. There is not enough info here for anyone to really give you advice.
I just needed to know if they were safe and I wanted them to know I was ok. I wanted them to know I loved them and always will.