[Tatoosh]

If you could change ONE thing about how adoptions work, what would it be?

Please pick the single thing that you think would make the greatest impact.

If you have a hundred other ideas, post them too... but I want to see what you all think is the biggest opportunity for the way we handle adoptions.

[caths1964]

I think that after a woman has decided to continue her pregnancy, that *options counselling* shouldn't mean "parenting or adoption" but "what options do you have to improve your own life in the next 7-8 months so that you can make any decisions you need to make re parenting/adoption in *as good a place* as possible". I think that counselling women re adoption/parenting when they are in a vulnerable state (i.e. just after they have found out/decided to continue their pregnancy) is not the optimal time, it is much better to do it when the emom has explored her own options to improve her life.

Here in Australia, I believe this is how it is done. I believe that there are a couple of NGO Family Service agencies that do the same in the US.

Other things are of course Open Records - I really don't understand why they are closed - my countries of birth and residence have had open records for decades (except Queensland which has only just caught up)

There are plenty of other things but can't think of them right now.

What about you, Tatoosh?

[Jillie_sweetheart]

I would create some sort of birthmother advocate position. Weather it was a government position or a nonprofit agency I think there should be someone assigned to all expectant mothers to help them navigate the difficult world of being a birthmother.

Agencies exist to make successful placements. A lot of times women place children when facing hardships that are usually a very temporary thing.

Once a woman has contacted an agency they tell them often how this is a blessed thing or a selfless act and that the child will have a better life and that may not always be the case. The child will have a different life and sometimes better but not always.

I am very lucky that my AP's are so supportive but I have a strong suspicion that is rarely the case.

[caths1964]

Originally Posted by Jillie_sweetheart

I would create some sort of birthmother advocate position. Weather it was a government position or a nonprofit agency I think there should be someone assigned to all expectant mothers to help them navigate the difficult world of being a birthmother.

Agencies exist to make successful placements. A lot of times women place children when facing hardships that are usually a very temporary thing.

Once a woman has contacted an agency they tell them often how this is a blessed thing or a selfless act and that the child will have a better life and that may not always be the case. The child will have a different life and sometimes better but not always.

I am very lucky that my AP's are so supportive but I have a strong suspicion that is rarely the case.

Jillie, that is why in Australia (or at least NSW) we don't have adoption agencies per se - all are done through government or NGO Family Service Agencies.

Adoption should be a service provided, not an industry.

I doubt the above will change in the US, so on a more achievable note, I think that, in regards to counselling itself, there should be national guidelines as to what can be said. Perhaps also a mandatory "checklist" for the emom to read at the time of TPR so she can confirm that all options have been presented equally and fairly to her may be a good idea at all.

[Tatoosh]

I hadn't thought of helping an expectant mom improve her life HERE and NOW. That's brilliant!

My one thing would be to have an impartial counselor, preferably one with experience as a birthmother, be the one to go between the expectant mom and those who would like her baby.

Though now that you've brought up a more e-mom centric approach, I like that better. Something like a life coach.

I would love that job.

[caths1964]

Originally Posted by Tatoosh

I hadn't thought of helping an expectant mom improve her life HERE and NOW. That's brilliant!

My one thing would be to have an impartial counselor, preferably one with experience as a birthmother, be the one to go between the expectant mom and those who would like her baby.

Though now that you've brought up a more e-mom centric approach, I like that better. Something like a life coach.

I would love that job.

I think you would be great at that job

It was looking at this document - recommendations made in 2000 about how to counsel women re adoption (recommendations that have been adopted by many counsellors) that made me think that many women don't always get a chance to consider that side of things:

http://www.heartbeatinternational.or...sing_piece.pdf

I don't think adoption counselling should ever be about this:

(from above document) Counselors must be trained to give women sound reasons that will counter the desire to
keep their babies. One example is to reinforce the notion that it takes a strong, mature
woman to place a child for adoption. Arguments about financial survival can be
compelling as well. Counselors must communicate that adoption can be the heroic,
responsible choice and that the child benefits tremendously

[mckmom10]

Make bio families medical history mandetory! If they fail to report something have probation or jail time as the punishment.
Medical history is very important when an adoption occurs.

[RavenSong]

Federal regulation and standardization of the entire adoption industry in the United States...

Abolish the adoption tax credit, and take the big money out of the equation. Make all adoptions nonprofit for all parties involved, especially the agencies, facilitators, and lawyers.

[alys1]

Replying to Raven: Where's the like button? (Agree with all.)

And. Abolish financial incentives being given to state agencies for moving children into adoption vs reuniting with family. Abolish larger or smaller financial incentives given to state agencies for adopting out children in different configurations. (The *bonus* being placed on the heads of certain categories of children is NOT conducive to decisions being made in the child's best interests.)

A friend has a campaign on to have licensed counselors involved in all adoption decisions. Not social workers, people working in agencies called "counselors", etc. Being a counselor and having adopted from foster care herself, she objects to the never-ending bad decisions made by people who don't really understand all the factors involved.

[Jillie_sweetheart]

Originally Posted by mckmom10

Make bio families medical history mandetory! If they fail to report something have probation or jail time as the punishment.
Medical history is very important when an adoption occurs.

I understand the desire for this however you would abolish safe haven laws in the process. Also there are somethings women may not know about their families as usually women that are placing children don't always have stability in a mother and father.

I think there are already enough laws to shame a birth mother, is it really needed to have them face a felony if they forget to mention something that they may have heard a family member say once years ago? Personally if I had to worry about facing jail time I don't know that I would continue with a pregnancy. Not because I am trying to hide my family medical history but rather I just don't know a lot of it. While the intent behind the idea is very good I don't see it being possible.

[wcurry66]

I would separate the BC from the proof of citizenship/custody and then do away with the dual birth certificates. OBC remains the only BC.

[iwagrlVA]

I'm going to piggyback on Jillie's idea of a birthmother advocate. She should be advised about social programs that are available if she chooses to parent as well as her legal rights before and after tpr. I think both birthparents should be provided legal counseling (not affiliated with an agency) when there is an open or semi-open adoption involved. Aparents should be required to go to court to close a once open adoption.

[crick]

I would make it mandatory that everyone involved has to take 20 hours of education classes on adoption. It's already required for those of us who adopt from foster care and it should be required for emoms of domestic/voluntary, bmoms who lose their kids & aparents of any type of adoption.

I agree on medical but to make it a felony would be ineffective. Not only that but if it's ok for the government to withold medical & other information of adoptees (who the information BELONGS to), then they too will need to be held to the same standard and be fined heavily. Most every state would be in debt if we passed that law today...just sayin.

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by crick

I agree on medical but to make it a felony would be ineffective. Not only that but if it's ok for the government to withold medical & other information of adoptees (who the information BELONGS to), then they too will need to be held to the same standard and be fined heavily. Most every state would be in debt if we passed that law today...just sayin.

Great point Crick!!! Just thinking about mandatory medical info stressed me out as I started racking my brain - "did I tell Dee that my grandfather died of esophageal cancer?? Is that relevant to a four year old yet?? What if I try to tell her but don't have the best contact info??" And then I'm just not sure how it would be enforced...I mean, yes, if I'm asked point blank and refuse, not cool. But the government is sure allowed to not give VITAL information to adoptees every day.

Now THAT is WAY high up on my list!

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by mckmom10

Make bio families medical history mandetory! If they fail to report something have probation or jail time as the punishment.
Medical history is very important when an adoption occurs.

I understand why you think this, but I would be committing a felony that the government forced me to commit and now one that my first mother would force me to commit because she won't admit I am hers. Sorry, I can't get behind that because the government denies me my OBC which is vital information.

Open records would be my one thing!