[crick]

I've thought about posting this for awhile but thought I'd be causing issues. Then I figured I cause issues regardless so might as well just post it.

I miss you all! I'm saddened to see such a great group of people on this forum basically disappear and am hoping everyone is okay.

Even if you aren't up for much posting, can you please at least give me a shout out?

Crick

[BlackSheep]

Hey Crick and everyone else, here's my "shout out" to say Hi!!!

Still here, just lurking/reading more than usual instead of doing any actual typing, lol.

[Xdad]

hey crick... still here!!! and sunday is the day!
news at 11...well, after the 11th!

[Jillalan]

Hello Crick,

I used to come here quite often. When I first joined I found it a great place to be. I left for couple/several years (just didn't come on) but then I returned.

When I first joined adoption.com I found it to be welcoming and supportive. When I returned after an absence I found that a lot of the people I 'knew' had left. It had become clique based and it was 'them' against 'us'.

Some posts were (and continue to be) quite vicious - so I have elected to no longer come here.

I will admit I was told this post was here and I thought it would be a good time to say why I'm no longer willing to come on and read - let alone post.

I wish you and all the other birthmoms all the best and hope you get the support and true guidance you need.

Sincerely,

Jill

[kakuehl]

Hi, I'm still around....

[belleinblue1978]

I'm around, but you already knew that. I just don't have much to say, I've been so depressed over my own situation that I don't have much light to shed, so to say.

[Jennasmom1990]

I'm still here, but I only lurk now! I have often felt attacked and unwanted, and I'm sure that I am not totally guilt free of why. However I have made it a point in my life not o kick people when they are down, so when you are the kickee but rarely the kicker you tend to back away.

Further more I just can't handle all the negative critizism anymore. I came here for support right after my reunion began, and got a whole lot of negative input and not much support. And to be honest it was the last hing I needed at that point in my reunion and life.

I still come back several times a week to lurk, and offer private message support to the birthmoms that need it..but that is it. I don't get anything out of it anymore, to be able to give anything to it.

I'm really very sorry...I never thought I would feel this way...unfortunately I do!

[Withay]

I'm so sorry that so many are feeling attacked. I would hope that I have never been the cause of that feeling and pain.

[kakuehl]

I can't think of any time that you were the cause of such feelings!!!

[paigeturner]

Hi Crick. I’m around, lurking mostly and commenting occasionally on mainly non-adoption subjects. I’ve been overwhelmed with work. But, the real truth is that I’m tired of being a first mom. I’m tired of the assumptions and the stereotypes. I’m tired of being compared to parents whose children were taken from them for abuse and/or neglect. Now when I see an ignorant or offensive post about first parents, I tend to force myself to just move on because, why bother? The more I dwell on it, the more I think that because the voluntary relinquishment of a child is so unnatural, the only way most can wrap their arms around it is to vilify first parents.

I’m tired of being a villain. So I lurk. Someday, I may start being my snarky self again, but for now, I can only lurk.

[RavenSong]

I'm still here, Crick....but I don't post much on the Birth Mother Support boards anymore. I found myself automatically self-censoring my posts to make them more palatable and PC to the other sides of the triad, something that is not conducive to true healing for myself. I just didn't like the feeling of always having to defend myself or my fellow birth/first/natural mothers on our own support boards.

So basically what I've been doing is posting on the other boards here when I think that my voice will be welcomed or at least heard. But my own bmom issues get dealt with in another venue behind the scenes.

Some days I just get tired of dealing with adoption-related stuff, so I occasionally go into "quiet mode". Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to just have a "normal" life....

There's no way you guys will ever get rid of me, though, lol. I love way too many of you on all sides of the triad to just up and leave.

[JustPeachy]

I'm still around. Maybe not posting as much as usual, but still here.

I think, for me, I'm at a place where I just don't feel like posting as much. It takes a lot of energy sometimes, especially when you are prone to really dig deep into an issue and formulate a well-thought-out response, and I find myself needing a break from time to time.

[CPGJA]

I have been lurking for a long time and have never posted. But I wanted to respond to this thread. I am an amom who has learned so much from all of you. You opened my eyes and allowed me to see your thoughts and feelings. In doing so, I grew. My son's wonderful bmom lives within my neighborhood. If not for all of you, I would not have been comfortable and would have turned the agency down when they called. I just had to say thank you. You all have been extremely helpful and in the long run, I will be a better mom.

[Gwen72]

I mostly lurk here but I'm more active on the adoptive parent board. The son I placed turned 18 a few months ago. I wrote him a letter and am waiting for a response. If I am blessed with being reunited with him I may be here more frequently. I think I have my birthmom issues handled but I know reuniting with him may bring those issues back up. It may also bring up issues I never had before. The son I adopted will be 1 year old in 2 weeks. That is why I am more active on the adoptive parent side right now.

[portlowski]

I am an amom.

It is because of you that I don't call a woman a "birth mom" if she has not yet placed her child.

It is because of you that I am not "freaked out" that my son's first mom calls him her son.

It is because of you that I know her healing journey will never end.

It is because of you that I take the time to correct every misinformed person who thinks my son's birthmom would not have been a good mom if she had raised him.

It is because of you that I recently advised my friend's daughter not to choose adoption just because her mom was pressuring her. (that caused a real problem with my friend who thought I would be on "her side")

You all have the right to protect your feelings but don't ever think your words are not heard. Don't ever think your words (however painful to an adoptive mom) do not matter.