[Dixie229]

So, today is my daughter's birthday. She's 20 years old now... a whole 2 decades! It's hard for me to believe it's been that long!
For so many years now I've thought of her birthday as a loss... not only because I lost her, but because I also lost my "self". I was only 17 at the time and didn't have a clue about the real world. I learned quick...
Anyway, I had an epiphany the other day. Why do I mourn her loss? Why not celebrate her birthday for what it is? ... the life of a precious child? ... and now the life of a young woman?
I've decided to bake a cake in her honor. I'm not the "domesticated" type so baking/cooking is new to me, but I want to celebrate her life. I want her to know she is remembered. I want her to know that she is free to live her life as she wants to.
I have hope that one day she will contact me. Then I'll have a chance to tell her everything that I didn't have a chance to do so long ago.
My daughter is alive. She is real. She is mine.

[kakuehl]

I like the idea! Let us know how the day goes for you!

[Dixie229]

Suprisingly, today went OK.

I baked the cake this morning and it turned out to be edible. I took a big ol' bite right out of the middle!

Sent her an email to all 3 addresses I had and only 1 came back "undelivered". So there's a 66% chance she'll get a brief Happy Birthday email from me.

Tried to meet my hubbie at a decent restaurant to celebrate her birthday, but after arriving, found out it closed for business 2 weeks ago. (Bummer!) Went for burgers instead.

Have had a headache since late afternoon and wondering if it's psychosomatic...

Overall, a good day... slightly depressed, but not enough to keep me in bed all day.

I think today was a success!

[quantum]

Well I must say I'm impressed and very proud of you!
You really made an effort, even though the gods were against you! (the restaurant went out of business! ARGH!).
I really like your idea, and wish I'd been trying that for ages.

I've been having issues with my own birthday since I found my son, this year I tried to plow through anyway, and it went...ok!

So cheers to us for trying to get through the tough times!

[kakuehl]

Thank you for the update, Dixie.

Quantum, as you know my birthday is D's birthday -- talk about a double whammy!

[quantum]

I know! Have you tried dealing with it in a positive way Kathy?

[kakuehl]

Actually, I always have. It's been harder in some ways since reunion though. Maybe being together around that time just underlines the years we weren't although I don't consciously set it out that way. (Of course having a touch of SAD doesn't help.)

[Dixie229]

Congrats to Kakuehl and Quantum for surviving another year!
Kakkuehl... I can only imagine the mixed feelings you have by sharing your birthday with your D. My original due date was the 22nd -- my Mom's birthday. I prayed so hard that my girl would be born on any other date than that!
God answered my prayer.. she was born 3 days early! I still have to remind myself to appreciate the small miracles.