[mondk]

Mommy Claire is here for a visit (staying a week) and today we had a party for Joshie's birthday. She was also here last year for his first bday. Anyway, she handles little groups well but I think big crowds make her nervous, but she loves helping opening presents and playing with his new toys with him.

During her visits, she does interact with Joshie, just not much. I was the one who taught her how to change his diaper, although she still refuses poopy ones. And she loves to play cards with Brad. In a way, she is like an older sister for Brad to have around. It is nice to see.

For those of you that do visits, are they hard for you or does it make you feel more secure in your choice of aparents for your kiddo(s)? Was the first visit tough then subsequent visits got easier?

Thanks and blessings, Michelle

[bromanchik]

From my experience in working with birthparents and being a birthparent, the second birthday is usually tougher than the first. I think it's because we prepare for the first and then are blindsided by all the emotions that return at the second birthday.

As for big crowds,,, very difficult. I still have a hard time with big adoptive family gatherings. And my son is almost 25.

[lahdh4]

They all have been hard on me and that is when it is just me, amom and Supergirl. I would love to interact with her in a group but think that amom is insecure about that.

[thanksgivingmom]

I've never been around Cupcake in large groups (well, large groups of strangers, like at a park - yes, but not large groups on her amoms "turf" so to speak) but would expect that I wouldn't be very comfortable. I tend to clam up and get quite shy around Cupcake and her Mom anyway....

It's always such a fine line that I feel like we're expected to walk. We have to make sure that we don't act too much like "Mommy" all the while paying just the right amount of attention and exhibiting just the right amount of Motherly nurturing so that we don't appear like we don't care.

Sometimes, it can feel like we'll NEVER find that perfect groove. I can't speak for MC, but in my experience? It's so hard and challenging to navigate those (often unspoken) expectations.

Oh, and we've had four visits, when Cupcake was age 11 months through about 2 1/2 - and no, they're not any easier. The second visit was probably the hardest one though.

[mondk]

Update: I went to get my hair cut and dyed and I literally had no one to watch Joshie. Mommy Claire volunteered and I was gone about 90 min. Came home and she had changed his diaper and dressed him (in really cute outfit too) and had made his lunch. She seemed very content.

I am so glad; we even had a talk about it. She said the only time she is uncomfortable is around my in-laws. She feels like they think that she is going to kidnap Joshie or something. My FIL is a jerk, flat and simple; I refuse to talk about M.C. around him; he is very condescending and negative and clearly knows nothing about open adoption nor does he want to know. So I told her he has a bit of dementia and we all basically ignore him. Other than that, she is okay. I'm so glad! We had a great visit!

Blessings, Michelle

[RavenSong]

Michelle, I'm so glad that this visit has gone so well for all of you. I admire both you and Claire so much for actually sitting down and having honest conversations with each other. I can relate with Claire to feeling uncomfortable around the grandparents. I've always felt really uncomfortable around DS's grandparents, aunts and uncles...I always feel like I'm a bug on display or something. And the crazy thing is that I don't think they're really being judgmental of me at all; I think it's just my own low self-esteem, a bit of paranoia, and whatever triggers I have at the moment all thrown together.

I also think it was fantastic for Claire to take care of Joshie for a couple hours. Believe me, it meant a LOT to her in many ways.

Thanks for updating us! BTW, how did the new haircut go? I'm thinking of getting mine all cut off -- it's so darn hot here this summer, and my long hair is driving me crazy.

[mondk]

Raven: M.C. took a picture of my hair/dye job/plus they waxed my brows and sent it to Dale. He hates it; he told me I am never to get it cut again while we are married. Even if I'd known that beforehand I still would've done it. It takes time and patience I don't have to either braid it or put it up and get all the hair in the same spot. I think my brows look freaky though; I feel like a circus clown! LOL.

Blessings, Michelle