[martha1987]

I am having a tough time right now and I am just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience turn out good for them!

I am 27 1/2 weeks pregnant and I have been working on an adoption plan for my baby for the last 3 months, when I first started working on the plan I contacted the birthfather and let him know that this is what I am planning on doing and he said that he was relieved and he would of course sign the papers.
Now that it is closer to my due date he has phoned me and decided that he is no longer going to sign the papers because he states that he cannot live his life knowing he has a child out there that he does not know, I explained to him that I am going with an open adoption which allows us to have contact with our child, and he says he knows that but the birthparents have no legal obligation to keep us in the childs life and if they moved away he doesnt know what he would do.
This being the man that already has a 3 year old son who he moved across the country away from, I just feel like he is doing it just to get me! I am annoyed that he is acting like he cares so much when he kicked me out of our house when I was 3 months pregnant because he had started to use drugs and was abusing alcohol, he has never been to a single doctors appointment or ultrasound and even when we were together and I had a fall he didnt come to the hospital to make sure everything was ok!
Do you think I will still be able to place the baby for adoption? Or will him fighting it really wreck my chances?

[marysbaby]

I'm not familiar with the laws in Canada. I would seek legal counsel to find out for sure.
in most of the US, it's not that easy, they have to register,they have to prove they tried to be a parent while you're still pregnant and have a plan for parenting.
it sounds like he is having some feelings about abandoning his 3yr old. would he go to any counseling sessions with you ( so you could show him your point of view ) ?

the alleged birthfather of my baby was also very eager to sign papers while early in the pregnancy. then father's day came, and he changed his tune. he's back on board, but I still worry about what's going to happen when baby is born.

[martha1987]

thank you so much for replying!
it is just such an awful feeling not knowing whats going to come of all this. it took so much thinking and counselling to get me to the point i am at now and he can come along and change everything in a heartbeat!
when are you due?

[marysbaby]

just try not to stress about it until you find out for sure if he can even cause a problem for you. I have heard that most men who say things like that never follow through. and I really doubt he can just change your plan that easily...unless you were married or had been living together or something like that.
I am due 10/31...not too long after you.

[martha1987]

thank you so much for saying that, it really calmed me down. i will meet with my social worker on monday and find out more about it all. it is so difficult because i dont know anyone that has been through this before, and i guess thats what brought me here - to find people going through what i am, or at least something similar.
wow our due dates are very close together!
have you picked a family already? i am sorry if i am asking too many questions- im just excited to be talking to someone who knows how im feeling!

[marysbaby]

frustrated that the message I just wrote was lost...but I'll try again.

thanks Martha!

no, I have not chosen a family yet. have you?

I want to be a little further along before I commit to a family. I'm actually having a hard time trying to choose between couples as I feel both will be fantastic families. I plan to meet with them next month.

if you don't want to chat publicly, you can email or pm me, just click on my username at the top of my post.

[geogdeb]

What if the birthfather really does want this baby? I know he hasn't behaved very well in the past, but adoption is such a permanent solution.

Fathers do have rights and they should be respected. I am a birthmother and I wish that my son's birthfather had protested much more about the adoption. I wish he would've been the rational voice that stopped the adoption from taking place. Today he wishes the same thing. Adoption is such a painful thing for birthparents. Don't be so quick to wish his rights away. This affects him also.

[jdox0776]

The birthfather of my child made it clear he did not want her and we were not in a relationship, never had been at that point, he wanted me to get an abortion. He did not go to any appts and pretty much avoided me accept to ask to borrow money. We called him when I was in labor but he never answered. He didn't come around until a few days after I came home.

Only then when he saw the picture from the hospital did he want her and this laid the foundation for him to hold it against me for the years to come. I think this is why he began physically/emotionally abusing me when we began our relationship, he asked me to move in with him right away. I convinced him that this was the best thing because we didn't have any money to support a child and he agreed.

Because they had not gotten him to sign the papers, he was served on stealth and he was angry. He was angry because I did it but did not show up in court to contest it. Didn't respond to the ads in the paper. He and I have had 3 other children together since then, our 13 yo daughter and 10 yo son, we lost one daughter to SIDS.

He told our daughter about things he shouldn't have at her age surrounding the adoption to make me look bad and she is now questioning me about, it is not something that you tell your child, something personal of a sexual nature.

[marysbaby]

Martha~

wondering how you're doing?

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by martha1987

I am having a tough time right now and I am just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience turn out good for them!

I am 27 1/2 weeks pregnant and I have been working on an adoption plan for my baby for the last 3 months, when I first started working on the plan I contacted the birthfather and let him know that this is what I am planning on doing and he said that he was relieved and he would of course sign the papers.
Now that it is closer to my due date he has phoned me and decided that he is no longer going to sign the papers because he states that he cannot live his life knowing he has a child out there that he does not know, I explained to him that I am going with an open adoption which allows us to have contact with our child, and he says he knows that but the birthparents have no legal obligation to keep us in the childs life and if they moved away he doesnt know what he would do.
This being the man that already has a 3 year old son who he moved across the country away from, I just feel like he is doing it just to get me! I am annoyed that he is acting like he cares so much when he kicked me out of our house when I was 3 months pregnant because he had started to use drugs and was abusing alcohol, he has never been to a single doctors appointment or ultrasound and even when we were together and I had a fall he didnt come to the hospital to make sure everything was ok!
Do you think I will still be able to place the baby for adoption? Or will him fighting it really wreck my chances?

Some states still don't require the birthfather to sign. But most adoptive parents don't want anything to do with it if there is a problem or the chance the birthfather will cause problems or fight for the baby.

It doesn't matter that he hasn't been to a doctor visit nor does it matter if he never speaks to you again. If he is the bio father he has rights in some states. You have have to have proof that he is all you say he is or he can make things difficult. Whatever you do don't lie about him it could come back to bite you in the butt.

Good luck with what is best for you and your baby