[thanksgivingmom]

I was wondering who all saw/held their babies after birth/before placement.

If you did - was that your decision? Did someone suggest/encourage/force you to see/hold your child?

If you did NOT - do you wish that you had? Would you have liked someone to suggest/encourage/even force you to?

I'm just curious thinking about this. On the one hand, I think that people should be able to make what is going to be the best decision for them. On the other hand....I don't know - I suppose I can't imagine not seeing/holding my baby since I did when she was born, BUT I can see myself at one point saying that I didn't want to because it would be too hard on me.

Since I can't put myself in that other moment, I was wondering what other's experiences were!

[JustPeachy]

I saw my baby the whole time I was in the hospital with him. In those days (dark ages-ha ha!), the hospital stay for a regular delivery was 3 days. I saw him at every feeding and fed him. He had to stay an extra day due to jaundice and I had the option to go home or stay another day. I stayed the other day just so I had more time. And believe it or not, the insurance covered this! I was not forced or encouraged to see him. In fact, the nurses strongly tried to discourage me from seeing him, though my doctor did very strongly try to get me to breastfeed. I wish I would have. Even for just a few days. I thought since I was placing him, I couldn't or shouldn't breastfeed. Keep in mind, this was at a time when most women did not breastfeed, so there was not a lot of information out there about it and I just didn't think it was something I should start if I wasn't going to be bringing him home.

[susie_book]

I didn't give birth in a hospital, so I left the birthing center two hours after delivering my son. But I had made it clear starting early on that the bdad and I would take 24 hours alone with the kid before we relinquished him--we spent it in a hotel room, parenting. We changed diapers, I breastfed...and I'm so glad that I did. The agency tried to talk me out of it several times, but I was stubborn.

[browneyes0707]

I got to hold my daughter, thanks only to her a-mom. My hospital delivery was pretty much come in at midnight, labor all night, give birth, sleep all day, and then get out first thing in the morning. As a result there were very few people coming in to see me, much less ask me if I wanted to see my daughter (in fact, she was hidden in the back of the nursery according to my friends who were not allowed to see her, I assumed I wasn't either.) But she was wheeled into my room upon discharge, and her mom made sure I held her on our way out to the hospital (her mom had driven me back to my dorm after discharge) I cherish those moments, it's one of the few vivid memories I truly have of that day. I swear, I did not look up from the minute she was wheeled in until the moment I got out of the car.

Her mom also offered for me to stay with them a few days before leaving the state to return home, so that I could spend some time with her before they left. I didn't take her up on it, because I was afraid it would be too hard to say goodbye. That is my biggest regret.

[lahdh4]

I wish I held her more while we were in the hospital. I saw her on our final day before she was discharged. E and the hospital social worker left me alone and I just wish I had more time.
E took some pictures and if some think this is harsh, I am keeping those for myself. They will not go to amom.

[Jillalan]

I gave birth in England. I had my son with me for 10 days in hospital. (normal stay was a week, aparents were going away for Easter weekend so I got to keep him an extra 3 days) Fed, bathed, changed him - same as someone who was going to parent. I could have had him with me at night but didn't.

Wouldn't have had it any other way and cherished every moment.

[itsallabouther]

I seen my daughter and held her and talk to her. I even undressed her so I could just look at her.

[-maggie]

I held my baby at delivery and as much as possible in the the hospital. My stay in the hospital was only 2 days, I wish it would of been longer. It was definately my choice to hold her and those are treasured memories!

[Birthmom12_10_2008]

I had a C-Section and was planning on NOT seeing him until the next day. But as soon as I heard him cry I knew I had to see him right away! So I saw him right after he was born. Of course the a-mom held him first, or was it my dad, I was so drugged I can't remember, anyways, we got pictures of me and a-mom together with him in the OR, and again the next day when she brought him to visit. After surgery I didn't see him again until the next day. I didn't have any alone time with him, and I kind of wish I had, but I did spend some time with him that morning. It was a special time and the a-mom gave me a basket of goodies and a journal - which I write to him in. He was in GREAT health and was being discharged that day so I walked to the room he was staying in to say good bye. Hardest moment of my life, knowing that I would not see him again for a long long time. I'm grateful for an open adoption where I get updates! I also cherish the pictures of me and him, my favorites are of the ones right before he's leaving the hospital bc the emotions are just so raw and real and just show how much I truly truly cared for him.

[quantum]

TG, I really wish I had. I wasn't allowed to. That's what I was told. 'It will be too hard on you.'
It's one of my regrets.

[Janeytwo]

Hey TG!!

I held my children and I'm glad I did. Having that memory of them is bittersweet now but I can't imagine not having that time with them to keep with me in my heart.

Through the years, it's been a comfort to me

[JustPeachy]

Originally Posted by quantum

TG, I really wish I had. I wasn't allowed to. That's what I was told. 'It will be too hard on you.'
It's one of my regrets.

I am sorry, quantum. It is appalling how other people thought they could determine what would be "too hard" on us. Funny, they didn't think relinquishing a child in the first place would be too hard, and didn't try to stop that! The nurses tried to give me the same spiel, but backed down when I insisted on seeing him, which I am grateful for, since I know of so many other situations where even if a birthmom begged to see her child, she was flat out refused. I can't help sometimes but wish there is a special place for those folks, you know where......

[SMLH]

[FONT='Verdana','sans-serif']I held and breastfed my daughter in the hospital for 5 days and was able to parent her for those 5 days, we had a lot of visitors. The a-mom encouraged me to breastfeed her and obviously bond with her. The agency and doctors did not for fear she wouldn't take to the bottle or my bond would be to strong. Everything worked out in the end, we have an open adoption. [/font]

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by quantum

TG, I really wish I had. I wasn't allowed to. That's what I was told. 'It will be too hard on you.'
It's one of my regrets.

Q - at the time, how would you have felt if someone had "made" you hold him? How would you feel about that today?

(If you don't mind me asking of course!)

[susieloo]

I was too scared too hold my baby. Scared I would never let her go
Yes I do regret it because I should have never have let her go anyway
susie