[Laura_s_son_11-96]

I chose not to name our son, at the time I thought it would be harder. Plus I didn't know it was an option until the last minute. So, we let them choose the name. I wish now, that we would have named him.

I definitely think you should name your baby or at least collaborate with the aparents.

[Juliana13]

Just a thought to remember - even if you name your child - whether it gets changed or not - Your child may still be listed as "Baby Girl ___" or "Baby Boy ___" on the legal paperwork.

So, if you are an adoptee, and see a generic name like that on the legal paperwork you find, it doesn't mean there was no name given to you by your first parents.

My children's first parents chose names for them, (one we chose together, and she put it on the birth certificate, one chose a first name we couldn't use, but we used her middle name). Anyway, both times a name was given, and an original birth certificate had that name on it, and yet the legal adoption paperwork still said "Baby girl X" and "Baby boy ____(birthmother's last name).

Name are an important part of identity. But if the aparents choose to change the name of your child (and they often do) remember that you still gave your children much of their identity. And no one can ever erase the fact that you were their first parent.

[rottymom]

Yes, I gave her a name and still think of her as that name but I do try to remember that isn't her name anymore. She is still young so I have a few years to get it right before I meet in person (if she wants).

[Laura_s_son_11-96]

I would also like to add that just because the first parent(s) didn't give a name doesn't mean that they didn't care about their baby. Maybe they didn't have the choice or they didn't think that they had a choice in the matter.

[Searching4heart]

I just found out (thought I dont know what the name is) that my bmom named me and my parents didnt even know it. To tell the truth it has really confused me cause in a way I feel like why name me unless you really wanted to keep me. (Dont want to make anyone mad or upset just typing from my heart is all) My parents didnt know that I had even been named so I think that certain adoption agencies just change it with out saying anything. This adoption took place in the mid 70's so I am sure things have changed since then. I have very mixed feelings about the fact I was even named so I will just stop with that I am just tryin to say I dont think its allways the aparents doing it may very well be the agency.

[kakuehl]

Dear Searching,
Many women in that era "really wanted to keep their children" but were convinced (by hemselves, their parents, society...) that it was better for the child to place the baby for adoption. I can only speak for myself, but even though I believed that adoption was best for him, I still carried him for 9 months and in my own mind I named him. (He's actually glad I didn't officially name him.. he says I have NO imagination. LOL) Remember, you have no idea what your birth parents were thinking at the time you were born. Information from agencies is often suspect, unfortunatately.

[MkMw]

With our sons' their birthMom had us choose names. I asked her if they were o.k. and if she wanted any input - she said no, she wanted us to choose them, so yes, the only part of their name that changed was their last name. She didn't want their names changed, but felt it was our place as the parenting parents to choose them. I don't know if she named or called them anything else in her mind or heart......We didn't find out they were boys until a couple of weeks before they were born.


We DID change our DD's name. Her first name was very unusual, and just wouldn't have fit in our family - Her birthmother had agreed to meet with us, and I wanted to talk to her about it face to face, DH & I had discussed keeping her birth middle name. But, we never had the opportunity to talk her birthmother at all, face to face or on the phone, so we wound up changing both - the middle name we had chosen turned out to be her birthmother's first name, so we felt comfortable with that. I did save her originial bassinette tag with the name her birthmother gave her.

Good luck

[baseballmom13]

Please don't blame your B-Mom for naming you. She may not have been sure she could go through with giving you up. We didn't have fully open adoption yet in the 70's, so it was probably her way of keeping you in her heart. It is by far the 2nd hardest thing on earth to do. It takes alot of thought, and strength to carry a baby and then sign on the dotted line. Noone knows how hard it is, but the birth mom. I gave my son a name, 1 because I wanted him to have that connection to me, 2 because they pressure you about a name when they are a day old and 3 I didn't want hime to be known as Baby Boy not in that order. How would he ever find me if that was his name? I had hoped someday he would find me. There were no computers yet, and he still hasn't looked.
The name on the birth certificate goes to the State, and the agency only could tell A-Parents what they wanted to, as they didn't usually see the original certificate.
My agency told me that the A-parents liked and were going to keep his given names. Whether that happened or not only they know. You need to remember that at 15, 16, 17 & 18 yrs of age a vulnerable girl is going to be very trusting.

70's B-Mom of Timothy Daniel