[julie23]

as a birthmother, i named my daughter.... the adoptive parents changed her name. but i didn't know what it was.... so, i always thought of her with the name i gave her... now, in my head, i still think of her as the name i gave her..... but i refer to her by her adoptive name...

as an adoptive mother, we consulted with our daughters first mom.... and she has the same name on her original birth certificate as her amended birth certificate.... except for the last name of course.... oddly, our last names have a difference of three letters....

[aclee]

I would encourage you to name your child. Ty's bmom waited for us to name him, and because we arrived right before her discharge, his paperwork was all done and it read Baby Boy B (her last name)...all his adoption paperwork said Baby Boy B, AKA Tyler David B. It makes it look like in all his paperwork that she didn't name him when in reality, she just waited for us. We have a list of names, and she picked off that list which name she liked...She actually LOVES the name Tyler, and it's her parented son's middle name. We will be able to tell all that to Ty, but I just don't like how the paperwork looks, and I worry about it because I have read that many adoptees want to know their bmom named them.

Matty was almost 3 months old when we adopted him, and had been in cradle care. Bmom named him Malachi, which is a name we considered keeping, but the SW actually encouraged us to change the name, said that bmom expected that we would, and if we wanted to keep it as a middle name, that would be really nice. I was sort of surprised at that, but she seemed to say it was part of the emotional "ownership" of adopting...she thought it was healthier for us to rename him. Not sure if I agree, but we did end up using the name we had picked out and replaced the middle name (which was going to be my husband's middle name) with Malachi.

So I would say name away! And if the name is very important to you, you CAN make it a requirement that it's kept, and you will find a perfect family who loves that name too...we have seen several situations where the emom was requesting the name be kept, and they found PAP with no problems.

Good Luck to you and your BF

[leslie5645]

I have to agree with Brandy. I named my son in the hospital, knowing it would be changed, but I can't think of a better way to send a message to a searching adoptee that his bmom (and possibly bdad!) truly cared for him, and thought of him as a person, not just a problem to be gotten rid of or left behind. I still, twenty odd years later, think of him by that name and refer to him by it when I speak of him.
Another note, possibly off topic, when you are in the hospital, even if you have made an adoption plan, if you want to see, feed, name your baby, whatever, make a stink until they let you. That child is YOURS until TPR, and no one there has the legal right to prevent you from doing any of these things, although they may misguidedly believe they are serving the 'good' of the baby by trying to deny you.

[silver2983]

I had a very strange situation. I originally had an open adoption and collaborated with the adoptive parents on the name. They let me select the middle name. That name was what went on the birth certificate.

Two weeks after she was born, when I got the legal paperwork, I found out that they decided to change the middle name. I was heartbroken, especially because they didn't tell me and I had to find out when I called the courts telling them they had messed the name up on the paperwork.

When she was a year and a half, the family I gave her to couldn't handle it and gave her to another couple. The new family completely changed her name.

I guess the point is that any number of strange things can happen. When I think of and talk about her, I use the name that went on the birth certificate.

Go ahead and put the name that you want on there. If the adoptive parents decide to change it, they can do that, but I think that it's nice to have a "secret" name for her.

[jp4ga]

We changed the name of our adopted daughter, but the bmom helped and had input on the new name. We loved the name she choose, however, we had a niece with the exact same name. At first the bmom was disappointed but in the end she did not feel that it was fair to the child to have the exact same first, middle and last name as her cousin who was only a few weeks older. In the end the bmom picked the first name and we picked the middle name and we all were happy with the choice. If the baby would have been born a few weeks eariler she would have kept the orginal name and the cousin would have been named something different.

[baseballmom13]

This is my own personal experience and should not be taken as the norm.
I gave up my son in 1974. I did name him "Timothy Daniel" and was told by the agenct that we went through that the parents planned on keeping the name. This I would suppose would be because it fit him, or perhaps they liked it. The name did go on the original birth certificate. Whether they kept it or changed it was up to them, and I don't know if they did or not. I respect their choice no matter what. If you feel you want to name your child, it is your right at the time. Just know that the Adoptive parents may not feel the same way about your name.
Good Luck in your future.

[kathleenwalters]

Hello, as an adult adoptee, I must tell you when I saw some papers between agencies on my own situation, the name was simply baby girl *****. I would have loved to have known of a name my bio's chose for me.
It cements the reality of the reason for the circumstance of adoption.
LOVE, understanding and compassion!
Please pass on your wonderfully chosen name. Wisper it in the ear of your child prior to consent, your child will hear it and carry it with them in their heart throughout their lives.
A name is a gift to accompany the gift of life you are offering to your child.
The name the adopted parents give is part of the relationship with the baby also.
A child can never be loved too much, or by too many people!

[Emberbit]

I'm a little late to this discussion...but I picked out my daughters name myself. And would only consider possible parents who were willing to keep that name (first and middle) with no changes or additions. I did not want her name to be changed.

My name was changed when I was less than a year old as part of a step-parent adoption. I didn't find out about my original name until I was 21. And the way I felt...I never want my child to feel that way.

[Rondidondi]

I didn't name my son son when he was born. I allowed the PAPs to name him.
Then I decided I couldn't go through with the adoption and I wanted to parent my son.
I knew what his name would be and had to have it changed.
The thing is, his birth name is not off his birth certificate. Instead it is listed as an amendment on the bottom.
My son will know the story of the adoption, we look at pictures of the PAPs with him now and then. I just wish "their" name didn't have to be on the birth certificate. But, it is.
I feel strongly that emoms and edads should name their child. The deserve to share that "first" together.
-Just my experience in not naming my son at birth.

[Tan21]

I didnt choose my daughters name the Aparents did. I wanted them to be involved and felt this was a way they could be.

They kept me in mind and gave my daughter the same intials as me and they kept her second name the same as mine just a diffrent spelling. So now all my children have the same second name which ment so much to me.

[jdox0776]

My amom let me choose my adopted daughter's name. We talked about names until we both found one and it is perfect!

[oceanica]

I think this should be a collaboration! I'm sure it's difficult if you have vastly different preferences in names. But still, some consensus should be possible anyway.

My daughter's birthmom said she didn't care what we named her (This was fortunate for us because Athena's name might not be everyone's favorite) and she liked that we gave her a middle name that was the same as Athena's birth sister.
With my son we had two names picked out that were different than the one his birthmom picked. But we liked the name she gave him and since he was already being called by that name for 3 days before we met him we found it fitting to keep it. If she had named him George it may have been a problem. I am sure we could have found something that all of us liked. That was important to us.
Now I worry that people may see the name and make assumptions before meeting him, but I guess there's nothing to do now.. I love the name and it does seem to fit. (His name is Keonte.)

Anyhow my whole point is that you can have some input if it's important to you when you pick out the potential adoptive couple.
What did you end up deciding?

[tlh1971]

I named my daughter, because it was the one thing I could do, and had some control over, even though I knew her name would change (and it did) - the hospital where she was born did "complimentary" hospital certificates with their name, date of birth, foot prints, etc- and I wanted one.

When the woman who does this never came to my room, I asked a nurse to please check - because I did have a name (I guess they were used to babies that were being adopted out leaving with no name) and initially the woman acted like she wouldn't do it. But I needed that.

The AParents did, in initial correspondence, tell me what they had named her (first and middle) and I honored that when writing, or when I sent a gift on her first birthday (had it engraved with her new name)- but in my mind, she's always been "what I named her".

She will know, if she ever finds me, that I did name her and have the certificate with her footprints. The smallest things (to others) mean(t) so much to me. It made her "real".

[TeRi212]

During my adoption process for my son... I was able to talk to the adoptive parents a few weeks before I gave birth. They decided I could pick the middle name for my son... and they would pick the first name. Fortunately I got very lucky with this. We decided we'd pick the name ahead of time, so it wouldn't be complicated with two different names. But the last moment before leaving the hospital, I filled out the forms for his birth certificate and gave him the name I would have called him if I had kept him. Keagan Aries Thomas. As weird a name as it sounds... I love it! It makes me feel happy that he will have two names. One that is very special from me. I call him Keagan... for his privacy and because I just like to call him that. In my head, he's still my little baby Keagan. Of course, on letters or gifts I sign his adoptive name though.

[uzerlain]

In my case the bfather and I decided not to name our baby girl because we believed it would make it easier to relinquish her. Wow, were we naive.

I truly believe that no one can understand the pain that a bmother goes through, except for a bmother. Thinking back on the situation I think it's so funny that I truly believed that not naming that little girl was going to make it all better and make the pain go away. It's funny, when I got home from the hospital (well rather, when I left the hospital my BRILLIANT and SENSITIVE parents decided the way to make me feel better would be to take me to the movies...ugh...so dumb) so when I got back from the movies I sat in my room crying for hours. My parents finally decided to call the adoption agency to find out how the baby was doing and get the counselor to talk with me because they were convinced I was broken. When the counselor got on the phone, dumbfoundedly she asked me what was wrong, to which I responded "I Just want to know what her name is!!!"

Looking back on it I realize that it really was horribly difficult to not be able to speak a name for the one thing on this earth that my heart was breaking for.

With all that in mind, I truly believe that the bparents choosing a name for their baby is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself during your grieving period.

As for the bfather and I, we had been playing with a name for our girl, Caitlin, but when the time came we didn't write it knowing it was going to be changed anyway. I'm glad we at least had something to call her.