[teacher22]

My bson is going to graduate from high school in a couple of weeks. We have had contact with each other since December through email and Facebook. I have to send him a card but do I send anything else? We have exchanged no gifts or cards. I originally sent a long letter to him and his parents. He lives in another state so I won't be going. I would if he invited me, but that hasn't happened so I'm stuck with what to do?? Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks a bunch and Happy Mother's Day to all!

teacher22

[quantum]

I so hear you here!
I would definately send a card and would consider maybe a small gift, but something very personal to you? I guess I've felt with my son that he gets spoiled rotten by his aparents and his stepmom (I mean that in an affectionate, good way!). I made him a quilt for his birthday this year, something no one else could do. I've given him pictures in an album. One thing I've thought about doing is giving him a CD with music that I enjoyed from when he was born.

Perhaps others here will have some good ideas!

[Janeytwo]

Hey there!

Quantum had a great suggestion. If you're good at crochet or crafts something home-made would be a great idea!!!

If not, maybe then a gift card to one of the larger stores might be good?

Congrats on your bson's graduation!

[JustPeachy]

I'm of two minds on the gift-giving issue. On the one hand, I totally relate to wanting to give your son a gift. I have wanted and thought about various gifts I'd have liked to send to my son over the years (we had/have "semi-open"), but it was not something that was allowed in my situation. Now, given he is grown and all, I suppose I could send him something. However, we haven't met yet or even talked/emailed directly. I often think about the possibility of meeting someday, and would I bring a gift. But then I think that when the relationship is so new it may be best to hold off on gifts for awhile, at least until there is something more solid established in the relationship. I imagine for an 18 year old, especially, reunion is going to be filled with all sorts of conflicting emotions. I'm not sure gifts should be a part of the early reunion process simply because the focus should be on you and him getting to know one another without the possibility of the adoptee feeling "obligated" to his bmom because of gifts. Given, though, that this is a special event and milestone, I think if it were a very simple gift, perhaps something you created, it would be better than, say, something extravagant. It's so hard to know exactly what is "correct" in these situations, but I would err on the side of caution. You want to acknowledge and commemorate his achievement, but not lavish him to the point where he feels overwhelmed. Perhaps some adoptees can chime in on this one and give better insight.

[teacher22]

I love the ideas! Unfortunately I am not a crafty person! Haha! That being said what do you think about a small photo album of pictures of his bfather and I throughout the years? The birthfather and I are actually married now and have a four year old son together. I could even include some pictures of his full birthbrother and other family members too maybe? Or is that a little too heavy for such a happy event like graduation? Maybe I should just make it a small framed one with a few pictures? Oy, I'm rambling! Thanks for the advice!

=)

[JustPeachy]

What about just a nice photo album or picture frame for HIS graduation photos? Or do kids these days (I know, I know, I'm an old fogey) even use photo albums anymore with everything being digital?? I think if it was filled with pictuers of you and bdad, it would be too much about you and not him, and as you say, maybe a bit too heavy. In any case, I would keep it nice and simple, without being cheap and cheesy, if that is of any help!! I'll try to think of some more ideas......

[Rainbow mom]

How about a card with a long distance phone gift card?

[jp4ga]

Since you just recently got in contact with him I would go with a "not too personal gift." Is he going to college or a voacational school? If so you could get him a t-shirt or sweet-shirt for the college he is going to., or a gift certificate for something he will need if he is living in the dorms.

I like the picture book idea but it might be too much for him right now.

As for not being invited to graduation, don't take it personally. I have been a high school teacher for 12 years. Each year the students only get 5-7 tickets. Most students beg others for extras but tickets to these graduations are hard to come by.

[teacher22]

jp4ga- You are right! I always overanalyze things and forget the obvious..my bson is going to a university. I think the sweatshirt/tshirt is a good route. I'm actually not very upset about not being invited to graduation. We have not had a face to face meeting yet so for it to happen on his graduation weekend would probably be a huge buzzkill for him! When I graduated from high school all I wanted to do was hang with out with my friends not boring adults!!

Just Peachy-One empty frame is a much better idea. He probably already does have a digital frame though!

Rainbow mom-a telephone card sounds like a good idea but I haven't spoken to him on the phone yet...would that be a little presumptuous on my part?

Gosh, there is such a fine line between not doing enough and doing too much isn't there?!

Thanks for all of the input! =)

[Shesalmost18]

1) Amazon.com gift certificate - he can use it to buy textbooks or almost anything else he'll need for school
2) a gift certificate to his college bookstore - most students spend over $1,000 on textbooks a year
3) An I-tunes gift card if he has an Ipod (most students do)
4) I like the idea of the photo album of you and his dad
5) possibly a family tree with family history
6) if he's going away to school, a book about that city (things to do, etc.)
7) gift certificates for pizza - always a hit with college students
8) office supplies gift card - I'm sure he'll need ink cartridges, etc.