[Sparky7]

I had something happend to me a few days ago in a chat room ( i know not the best place) well even though i know it wasnt ment to be offensive it really bothered me. I went into a chat room on what i thought there were other birthmother because i had a questin at the time so i asked if there were any birthmom in there that night. Well someone asked what that was i was like oh no but i continued to explain.

Then here we go a chorus of why did i placed i'm a single mom of # number of kids without friends or family by my side to help me . The same stuff i get and you think i would be used to it. I'm all for women who are single mothers i just wasn't ready to be a mom and i didnt want to be a parent so young in life why i was using sex safe but it didnt work out. I don't think adoption is for everyone but in my case it was i choose this path no one forced me into it.

Well then someone made this comment that made my blood boil. She said well i guess im just to selfish cause i love my child more than life itself and couldnt imagine giving them up. I understood where she was coming from and i dont think it was ment to be offensive but that really hurt. I love my baby more than anything but i knew i wasnt ready to have this kind of responsiblity on my own and i was on my own so i placed her with a loving couple who were more than ready to be parents she is what they have hope for so long. I'm trying to not to let it get to me but it really does.

I know there comments shouldnt effect me but they do i get so sick of ppl who dont know me find out i'm a birthmother then think they know my whole life story. I'm not a women based on a lifetime movie. How do you not let it bother you i mean its one thing when they want to talk about me fine but saying stuff when it comes at me telling me i dont love my baby is bull and it really ticks me off. Has anyone else felt like this just this sickness of people who need to get a freaking clue.

[vegaschristina]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I'm not a birthmom, but an adoptive mom (so you know where I'm coming from). When I adopted (am adopting) my kiddos thru the foster system, it's a different situation than someone who makes the loving and difficult decision to place their child. Even knowing the circumstance for my kiddos' birthmom and why I'm adopting I know she loves them.

I don't know all of your story, but I do know that you don't place a child out of selfishness. It's done out of selfLESSness. Please ignore her, if you can, as someone who is ignorant. She doesn't deserve the attention you're giving her.

[Janeytwo]

Hey Sparky7!

VegasChristina gave some excellent advice. She is so very right. There are some real ignorant people out there not worth your time.

IMO - what's happened here to you is the same thing that's happened to me. Others triggered your pain with their big mouths and stupidity. I'm sure a lot of people in here have wanted to climb through their computer screen at some point and throttle some loser on the other end of cyberville!! LOL!!!

Here's one of my very very favorite sayings:

Never explain. Your friends don't require it and your enemies won't believe you.

I try to remember that when dealing with the jerkos. Sigh....sometimes I sort of forget and lose it.

Ah well...such is life, huh?

Big hugs to you today!

[bromanchik]

Oh sweetie, I've heard it all. It is so hard being judged for something we believe was best for our children. Remember there are those of us that understand. We are here for you.

[JustPeachy]

I'm willing to bet every birthmom has heard that comment before. I know I have, and when it comes from people you know as friends or family, the sting is even worse (not to dismiss your hurt, you have every right to be, no matter who makes such a comment). I don't know what gets into people to think they have a right to demand explanations from birthmoms as to why they relinquished, and then go on to judge them so harshly. I really don't get it. It's like they feel we should be punished. But I always think there is some projection in there, and these people are protesting too much. I do know in my own life, the people who were harshest towards me tended to have crappy lives and many were also parents who, despite saying how much they loved their kids, were really not all that thrilled with being moms. Some were like me, too young and not ready to parent, others had bad marriages and little support, etc. I always got the impression that these people thought I was "getting away with something" by placing my child, and there was definitely a tone of envy in their judgements. So many times I'd think it is nothing to envy, because the pain of relinquishment is so great, and maybe I was off base in thinking they were envious, but it sure came across that way to me.

We birthmoms all too often feel we have to defend our decision with long-winded explanations. Don't ever feel you have to do that. You don't owe anyone an explanation, especially a total stranger on the net! Sorry you had to go through all that, but I would echo what others here have said and ignore this person. She is ignorant, plain and simple (not to mention rude).

[Sparky7]

Thankyou for everyone who responded. I know you guys are right i'm not trying to let her effect me it was a women who had no idea what she was talking about. I guess i didnt know that being a birthmom would be hard sometimes i mean i tend to wear my emotion on my sleeve so when i hearit all the time it just really hard to block out. I thought maybe i would have to get negativity from friends or family no total strangers who barly know me. But again thankyou for your kinds words all of you

[greenbottles]

These people weren't walking in your shoes at the time of relinquishment so how would they know what decision they would make? Twenty years ago my life was very, very different. If I could turn back time I would have done many, many things differently. But when I look back at the mess my life was in....often I know that I did the right thing for both of us in some ways because I am unsure that I could have walked away from the unhealthy relationship etc I was in if I had kept my child. So she would have had to live with a messed up mother in an unhealthy relationship....but many children live like this every day...
I don't explain either...I say it was a long time ago and my life was very different...and I am glad it's not like that now...

[Gwen72]

I have a unique perspective. I placed a son for adoption in 1991 and I adopted a son in 2008. Whenever anyone has said, "I could never place my baby for adoption" or some other sanctimonious trash here's my reply, "Well, honey, I hope you are never forced into that position!" Several people have made the comment about the son I just adopted that, "He's so cute, I can't believe his REAL MOM didn't want him." My reply is, "His Firstmom wanted him to have a different life that she could give him so she placed him with his REAL mom which would be me!" Honey, you did the best that you could do for your baby with whatever circumstances you were in at the time. Don't let anybody talk down to you or judge you for that. I am sorry you have been through this. I am sorry some other mom would try to make you feel bad about it. Be the duck and let it roll off your back like water!

[JustPeachy]

When I get the "I could NEVER give up my baby!" comments, I now say "You're right. It takes a lot of strength and courage to make an adoption plan." Or else I will comment that if the person was in the circumstances I was in, with no family support, not ready to be the parent their child deserved, and wanted so much more than they could have provided at the time, I would HOPE they would at least consider an adoption plan. Some people have much lower standards, I understand that, and I had many friends raise kids in what I considered very less-than-ideal circumstances, and if that's OK with them, fine. I wouldn't make nasty comments to them about their choices so I expect the same from them.