[Whirled_Peas]

I am an adoptive mom. I hope it's okay for me to start this thread here.

I come here from time to time to see how my baby's birthmom is doing. I don't know if she comes here. I kind of doubt it. But I think of her often and wonder how she is doing. For now she does not want contact. She did email us once when our daughter was 3 months old. I was so excited to get that email!!!

Anyway, I read all the stories here and it helps me know how she may be doing. I want to thank you all for your honesty and your stories. It keeps her real for me. It helps me know what we will tell our daughter as she grows up.

So thank you for giving me the gift of our birthmom. It means a lot to me.

[susieloo]

Thanks for your post. I am a bmom, 12yrs in reunion with my beautiful daughter.
We were told to forget, and we never did. I met my daughter when she was 18, and in someways it has been harder knowing her than not knowing, as she is a constant reminder of the worst decision I have ever made. NOT that I would change a thing. Last year I put her photos away, as every time I looked at her my grief would surface, and I just needed a break.
I am ready to bring them out again now.
What I am trying to say is maybe it is easier right now for the bmom to stay away and pretend.
Just a thought.
I admire your intentions. I know my daughter has felt more complete since knowing her 2nd family.
Thanks again
Susie

[lovemy2boys]

I'm going to second what Whirled said...

Obviously my boys' other moms don't share their innermost thoughts on their experiences with me.

But when I come here, it's like I'm able to look into their minds a bit. In the year and a half that I've been here, I've gained a much deeper sense of understanding of what they've been through...and I can say that it has helped our open adoptions flourish in a way that they never would have had I not been able to read your stories.

So on behalf of myself, my kids and their other families, thank you.

[Whirled_Peas]

Originally Posted by susieloo

What I am trying to say is maybe it is easier right now for the bmom to stay away and pretend.

I understand why she is staying away, as best I can. I know how hard this was on her. I believe in a few years she will want to see our baby. In the meantime, I often wish I could tell her so many things our baby is doing. (And when I say "our" I mean hers and ours.)

She didn't know who the dad was. Just one of those events. However, we still had to wait the 60 days for the dad search. Our birthmom is so nice and everyone believed she was not playing games and a dad would not show up. Still, it was pretty scary waiting on the off-hand chance a dad did materialize. Anyway, I thought about what I would do if one showed. I'm nursing our baby and have been really boded from the start. If she had to leave to go back to biological parents, I would not have wanted any further contact. It would have been too painful. That gave me an inkling into what it must be like to be a birthmom. Loving them so much but fearing the pain of not getting to raise them.

[Janeytwo]

Dear Whirled_Peas,

Thanks so much for your kind words. I'm just getting back into the forum after a bout of bad cold or something but wanted to stop in and say "hey".

If she had to leave to go back to biological parents, I would not have wanted any further contact.

An friend of the family went through this and it was devastating for her.

[cetalley]

Whirled, you are such a good Mommy just by trying to understand your childs Firstmom,and what it is she may be living through. I often try to do the same with my twin sons Mother. I relinquished 22 yrs. ago, days seem to go by faster now, but still on my mind at intervals throught-out the day. I often wondered if their mom ever thought about me...the way you are thinking of your childs, Firstmom . Please know that she is thinking of you, sometimes too much, then other times, she is content in thinking her child is safe and happy, and has an excellent mommy....of which it sounds like she....just may be right! Blessings, C.J.