[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Momokat

So I am in a birthmother's support group that meets once a month....(and if anyone is in the DFW area and wants to join, we are looking for more to come! It's the second Tues of every month...7-8:30PM..PM me for more info)...
Anyway....most (if not all!) of the women I meet that are birthmothers from closed adoptions in the 70s or 80s are divorced...after they have reunited with their child or even before.
Do you all think there is a higher percentage of divorces among us birth moms? Any idea why? What about birth fathers?
I know my own marriage is just, well, lets just say very empty.
Thanks for the feedback....

Giving up, losing, relinquishing, forced or not, changes you. For us from 60/70/80s when it was more likely we didn't want to and weren't given a choice.. everything changed. The secrets, lies, being told to forget, finding that impossible.

After reunion we start to become the woman we would have been if we had kept our child. That woman is often different then the one who got married.

So much about us changes. We often finish growing up, or decide to live life the way we wanted to before.
A life without fear of losing our children, fear of not being good enough.. all the stuff we hide from the world.

We become different and often the husband or ourselves doesn't like where we are at that moment and need to change.

[LasVegasMom]

Teri,
You hit the nail on the head. Since my reunion, along with a myriad of all sorts of feelings, I have felt restless. I changed my hair back to it's original color, I've lost weight, I've been trying to change jobs. I've been feeling like I need to do SOMETHING different and I really believe I have changed. It is scary to my husband and my other children, but lucky enough for me that I have built a great network of loving family around me and they love me no matter what. I sometimes feel like a 45 year old 17-year old and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one and I'm not crazy. I feel like I have unfinished business to attend to, and I need to get to it now. This is all because of my reunion. I have changed, but I hope in a good way. Nobody tells you about this, nobody tells you that you will be stuck in time and one day you will fall backwards 20 or 25 or in my case 27 years. It has been difficult but cathartic.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by LasVegasMom

Teri,
You hit the nail on the head. Since my reunion, along with a myriad of all sorts of feelings, I have felt restless. I changed my hair back to it's original color, I've lost weight, I've been trying to change jobs. I've been feeling like I need to do SOMETHING different and I really believe I have changed. It is scary to my husband and my other children, but lucky enough for me that I have built a great network of loving family around me and they love me no matter what. I sometimes feel like a 45 year old 17-year old and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one and I'm not crazy. I feel like I have unfinished business to attend to, and I need to get to it now. This is all because of my reunion. I have changed, but I hope in a good way. Nobody tells you about this, nobody tells you that you will be stuck in time and one day you will fall backwards 20 or 25 or in my case 27 years. It has been difficult but cathartic.

AH the feeling like you are two people in one, the multiple ages in one.

At one point I physically felt like I was 15/16, I could feel my younger self, feel her pain. Feel her fighting to get out and find her baby. She only wanted her baby. I was looking for my child.

It truely was like there was another person inside me. She was still that young mother whose baby was gone. She was in such pain since in the 1960/70s they didn't allow you to express your pain. You were suppose to forget it ever happened.

I felt I was becoming the person I was supposed to be before I locked her away inside of me.


Hugs

[lambs4lynn]

I searched for & found my son in 1996. He was 21-1/2 yrs old when I found him.

I married his birthfather when he was 17 mo. old. We then had a daughter. So, my kids are full blooded siblings. Marriage was a disaster..2yr 9mo

Was single 7 yrs, then remarried. Never kept secret that I had a son that had been adopted.

When I was searching, my 2nd husband & my daughter were supportive..however, they didn't believe I would find my son, as I didn't know his name. It took several years to find him, but I did it.

Once I found him, my husband & daughter were very jealous of him & both thought that I loved my son more than them.

My 11 year marriage broke up 6 months after our reunion. My daughter has kept distance from me ever since I found my son, her brother.

Would I change the fact that I found my son, in the light of these reactions???? That answer is NO, I would not change finding my son for anything on this earth. Finding him & building a relationship with him was the only way to heal my heart & soul. Do I wish the people in my life would have had a different reaction??? Of course. But, it was ridiculous for them to think I was just going to find my son & then walk away from him.