[CalamityJane]

I've noticed that there are quite a lot of active adoptive parents, mostly adoptive mothers who are active on the forums on this site. What I haven't seen is an equal number of birth parents.

Is there a reason for this? Are birth parents less supported here?

Just something I happened to notice since joining a few weeks ago.

[SchmennaLeigh]

There are more birth parents on the forum than I've met in real life (which is only one).

[portlowski]

Hope you don't mind an adoptive mom chiming in...I've tried to convince my son's birthmom to join a birthmother's support group, or to take an advantage of some other support that connects birthmoms with one another but she is very resistant at this point, two years after the adoption. We have a very close relationship but she seems to have distanced herself from other women who have placed their children in an adoption. I think she carries with her some of the same stereotypes the general public has about birthmoms and she thinks she won't be able to relate to "those peple". I hope she will decide to reach out in the future because I think the support would be so helpful to her, and I think she could offer a lot to other women who have placed their children.

[SuddenlySusan]

Welcome to the forums, CalamityJane.

I've been absent from the forums for quite awhile, busy working on reunion stuff as well as life in general. I've noticed participants who have written only a couple of posts in the several years they have been members here. Many spend a lot of time reading the forums rather than posting on them.

During the time I've been a member here, I've seen somewhat cyclical ebbs and flows, and the holidays seem to be particularly quiet. Quite possibly things will pick up since the major holiday season has passed.

Best wishes,
Susan

[SuddenlySusan]

As an afterthought... perhaps the number of international adoptions has something to do with the lack of participation. I could be way off base here, but I'm thinking that most international first moms won't be seeking support from online forums such as this, and international adoptions make up a large portion of adoptions that are finalized in the U.S. Just check out the number of international forums available to adoptive parents, often categorized by the country the child was adopted from... but not so much for the first parents. Just an observation...

Susan

[thanksgivingmom]

Calamity,

I have found incredible support here, and not just from first Moms, but from Amoms, Adads, Adoptees, you name it!

And while us First Mom's may not have the overwhelming quantity here, I gotta say, I'm a big fan of our quality

[quantum]

Yeah! We go more for quantity than quality!

I think it's also a heck of a lot harder to be a birth parent than an adoptive parent on many levels. Many of us have felt we don't deserve to get support even!

I didn't come here until I decided to search for my son.


Plus I don't think the holiday time is the best time to see our true numbers. It's a super hard time for many of us and a lot of people just close up then.

But then again, I haven't read the adoptive parents section so I don't know!

[Monster]

Well Group,

I was thinkin the same thing, there are allot of bmoms who just wont reach out i guess lets be thankful for the ones that do and for that matter all the people who give such great support and love here. It took me 7 years to do and now look im here. Maybe we should all make it a point to talk or post more i have come to see all the questions really has not been a dumb one and most of the groups post a positive outlook on it no matter the topic.

[cetalley]

Firstmom here! I post quite frequently on all forums...so I am here if anybody wants to ask me anything. I have come across nothing but wonderful people with vari=ying degrees of opinions. I also have a journal that explains the most p[art of my journey...Blessings to all...C.J.

[Janeytwo]

Hey CalamityJane!

I was shocked even to find this forum. I have not known of anyone else who surrendered a child in the 31 years I kept silent. So I didn't know places like this existed.

I suspect that in that 31 years I have come across birthmothers and not known it.

So, we here are probably a minority within the minority.

But as Thanksgiving Mom says.......we're quality peeps!

[RavenSong]

I think a lot of the birthmoms who are "regulars" on these forums become a bit quiet around the holidays. Christmas always seems to be harder on birth parents than adoptive parents. I'll bet that the birthparent side of the forums will become more active in the coming days, now that the holidays are over...

[Mommy24]

First Mom here I am currently in reunion and it is HARD! I am here everyday but don't have much to post about as of now. Still finding my way on this new journey, but please feel free to PM me anytime I can lend a shoulder or an ear

[AlisonMarie]

I have been searching for birthparent support for years, and most forums have only one or two threads a month. This one is actually more active than others I have been to, and there's more of a variety of birthparents. And I know I don't always talk about my birthson, as some people are like, you gave your child away? I could never do that, and you don't get a lot of support, honestly. I'm not sure if everyone feels that way, but I am active on a moms board, and not once have mentioned my birthson.

[CalamityJane]

you gave your child away? I could never do that

Boy, that sure is loaded. While I am sure any number of you placed for various reasons, I do often wonder when I hear that statement, how fit to parent the speaker truly is. I mean, if they aren't willing to do anything for their children, including place them for adoption when they feel they can't (or do not want) to parent, then honestly, are we sure they're making the right decisions for their child at all?

There are several things I could never do, but putting the needs of my child above my own is certainly not one of them. I would do anything for my children, up to and including place them for adoption, if that were truly what was in their best interest...

Please, don't mistake my comments as typical 'brave birth mother' blabber that you so often hear as part of the propaganda machine.

[bromanchik]

I think, in some ways, you have to have a strong stomach to be here as a birth/firstmom. While most adoptive parents are very loving and supportive, there are some who can be unintentionally hurtful to someone who is really vulnerable.
For example, I posted this under a "sensitive topics" post on another forum. These are my feelings only.
Sensitive topics for me as a birthmom? ......

-Gushy announcements. I cringe every time I see some one write... "she can sign at 48 (or 72, or 24 hours)" While I totally get their perspective, all I can think of is the pain, and the pressure, that this new mom is going through.

-Cutting off visits or cutting down contact. Again, while I get that adoptive parents make these decisions, I see/feel it from the birth/firstmom's perspective.

-Anytime someone says "It takes more to be a mother than giving birth."

-Anytime someone uses a diminishing term like "birth lady or "bio's" or "the lady whose tummy you came from" (as if she is and egg shell.)

I got more, but you get my drift. Seeing this stuff can be hurtful if you don't have some kind of inner belief and strength in your place as a birth/firstmom. E