[kudlz1977]

Hi, I am a new member here and found this site when searching google for a few questions that I have. I may be posting this in the wrong section and if so please accept my apologies. I am a birth mom who's son had been adopted 3 years ago, was to be an open adoption and it was a private placement rather than through an agency. I was not looking to give my son up, we had several children fell on hard times. A relative came to us and asked for our son, we refused and after weeks of this relative convincing my husband what a good thing it can be my husband then convinced me. This was 3 years ago and we had constant contact with the child until the AF got mad at me the birthmom. We no longer have any contact at all and this child who has been adopted has older siblings that know all to well they have a brother that they were promised contact with. So with the AP's stopping all contact for no good reason we had fought and fought to get what had been promised to us with no luck, mind you we the BP's had no lawyer, never appeared in court and just relied on everything the AF told us and believed everything said. So with all my research we did get access to the sealed adoption records, it was all very simple, nothing in there other than the required paperwork to adopt. My question is this:

In the petition to adopt question 6 is: The manner in which you obtained the child for adoption.

The adoptive parents answer was that my husband and I asked for them to take our son in.

This is not true, we did not ask for them to take one of our many kids in as we never in a million years ever thought about letting a child of ours be adopted.

I am wondering IF they would of told the truth would the judge have maybe questioned it and requested that the BP's come into court. We were coerced into signing an extra-juducial consent.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Jackiejdajda]

kudlz1977

I am wondering IF they would of told the truth would the judge have maybe questioned it and requested that the BP's come into court. We were coerced into signing an extra-juducial consent.

I am thinking that a tug of war over the child may end up hurting the child..
The child is living in your relatives home.. and maybe change may hurt..
We can not go back and change things they are done.. they have happened..
It’s the right now.. we look at..
What is best for the child right now..

Things that happen in our childhood carry on throughout our life.. things we do not even know about..
I relinquished into a closed adoption..and I did not know who adopted my son.. so maybe I am not the person to comment here..
But.. I see my son now and I see him happy in his life.. and I would not want to change a single thing..

Jackie

[kudlz1977]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

kudlz1977


I am thinking that a tug of war over the child may end up hurting the child..
The child is living in your relatives home.. and maybe change may hurt..
We can not go back and change things they are done.. they have happened..
It’s the right now.. we look at..
What is best for the child right now..



Jackie

Thanks for responding Jackie but I don't think we are on the same page here. I am not looking to take the child back nor put up a fight. I am just wondering if the AP's had put that they came to us asking for our child if maybe the judge would have asked for us to appear in court and we then would have gotten a post adoption agreement like we should of been entitled to. We do not want to take him back nor has that thought ever crossed our mind, but we would like what was promised to us before we allowed them to adopt.

[Janeytwo]

Kudlz1977,

I am wondering IF they would of told the truth would the judge have maybe questioned it and requested that the BP's come into court. We were coerced into signing an extra-juducial consent........I am not looking to take the child back nor put up a fight. I am just wondering if the AP's had put that they came to us asking for our child if maybe the judge would have asked for us to appear in court and we then would have gotten a post adoption like we should of been entitled to.

It sounds from your initial post that you are questioning the legality of the adoption process re. your children. But then I read your response post which states you are not looking to fight the relinquishment.

Since those are two different issues (my opinion only) I am wondering if perhaps you are struggling with the understandable grief of the loss of your child through your anger over the way the adoption was handled.

As I'm reading Jackie's response, that is the impression I am getting in what she's saying and I have to say I agree with how she's seeing it.

Please understand that is not an attack or judgement of you. This stuff takes its toll on a person. Believe me I understand that. Relinquishment brings great emotional imbalance and we often attach that to other things in order to blind ourselves from it.

As you clearly state, you are not looking for a fight; not looking in any way to undo what has been done. So perhaps you are trying to sort through the powerful emotions left behind from relinquishing your son and are attaching those emotions to the legal aspects of your situation.

There are good folk in here who can help you with that. People on all sides of the triad who are compassionate and caring and most of all......wise.

If your questions are actually legal ones though, IMO, there are some very well informed women in here who could be of more assistance than I. They will surely spot this thread and pick up on it.

Regards,

[kakuehl]

I could be wrong, but as I understand it, in many states, "open" adoption agreements allowing post-adoption contact aren't legally enforceable. There are quite a few bmoms here who had so-called open adoptions where the aparents chose not to have further contact with the bmom.

[Jackiejdajda]

kudlz1977

We do not want to take him back nor has that thought ever crossed our mind, but we would like what was promised to us before we allowed them to adopt.

If the adoptive parents promised and did not keep the promise.. then accepting this may be the task at hand..
I see women on the net torn up around promises not kept when they relinquished their child into an open adoption..

One ends up obsessing on something that can not be changed..

Jackie