[humbird753]

I found out of an email address to contact my daughter on 10/18/08. She is 38 and I am 55. I have gone through a lot of emotions since the 18th of Oct. which surprised me, but after doing some reading in this web site I am happy to know I am "normal."

I sent an email which leaves room for her to back away if she wishes (telling her she was one of 3 possibilities).

Now I am becoming anxious as to "when" or "if" she will contact me.

I'm sure she will need time to sort through some things herself.

Can anyone tell me what first contact was with you??? It may help ease some of the anxieties I am having. Very appreciated. Thank you.

[Blessed2x.]

Good luck!!!

[cetalley]

I am 47...still searching for my 22 yr old twin sons, so I have no experience at reunion. I have my first letter ready for them when the time comes. I hired a C.I. to find them and she has done so...but has to go before a judge as they live out of state from where I relinquished. She has since found out other info that has to do with the legality of their adoption, but has not gone into much detail thus far. However back to your query of sorts, You mentioned you gave her 1 of 3 options...I think you ment that different than the way it sounded. I think one should reunite very, very, slowly and EXPECT nothing! i will, take what i get...if they wish nothing of me or to know nothing of me...this I will respect, I will Thank GOD to know that they are alive and healthy. I have no rights past that, I would be happy for anything more! Just try to remember this is new to both, and should only proceed according to her wishes, and Please for the Love of OUR children...be honest in all she wishes to know...she deserves all of her history, those are her rights! I wish you many many blessings, and the best in reuniting with your daughter...keep us posted , you will get lots of great advice, and we are here to listen!

[Jackiejdajda]

I had non identifying info.. and was able to type up 'history' in that info..
Then we knew we had a match..

Congratulations..

Jackie

[humbird753]

I want to make it more clear for anyone who reads and wants to respond so below is the email I sent to my daughter. The person who actually got her adoptive name for me and who has been helping me is an adult adoptee herself (62 yrs old) and she felt it important to of course proceed very slowly and did recommend I send an email but to leave it open enough for her in the event she is not ready to be in contact.

The email:

My name is Paula (Beck) Sheldon. I am 55 years old. I now live in the La Crosse, Wisconsin area. I was raised in a northern suburb of Chicago where my mother still lives and whom I visit frequently.

When I was 17 years of age, I had to make the very difficult decision of giving up for adoption a child born to me out of wedlock at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Aurora, Illinois on August 22, 1970. As hard as it was for me, circumstances at the time made it impossible for me to make any other decision. This decision has remained with me over the years, vacillating between thoughts it was the best decision to make and feelings I had let my birth child down.

The Illinois birth registration records indicate three female children were born at the above hospital on the above date. The information that I have been able to receive on the Internet indicates you were one of those three children and may likely be my birth child. Last year I registered with the State of Illinois to make my information available to my birth child.

Since then I have done further research on the Internet concerning you and have discovered that you appear to be a social worker and have a strong relationship to adoptions having been a speaker on biracial adoptions. With this information I have again anguished over making a decision, this time whether I should send you an e-mail furnishing you the above information or whether I should “let it go” as I had done for many years before registering with the State of Illinois. Two equally defining rights, the “right to know” by an adoptee and the ”right of privacy” played an important role in making my decision. Because of your background I have chosen to send this e-mail.

Should you feel that I am invading your right of privacy, that the above possibilities could not be true or you just plain don’t want to pursue any discussion of this matter with me, please feel free to disregard this e-mail. I have accepted the fact that any decision made by you to disregard or respond is OK. I will have known I have furnished the enclosed information to you for your use as you see fit.

Should you choose to do nothing further and at a future date you would like to pursue the above information generally or for health information or any other reason, you may contact me at that time. Whatever you choose to do I want to apologize for any intrusion that you may feel and wish the best for you in your future endeavors. Should you wish to contact me I may be reached at my email address ------. Should you wish to contact with me other than directly, my employer Attorney ------ has agreed to act as an intermediary for any messages you would like to communicate. Should you wish to make such communications confidential, both he and I have agreed such communications shall remain as such, except for information you would like disclosed. His e-mail address is ------ and his office phone number is -----.

Should you choose, you of course can obtain some information directly from the State of Illinois based on the information I sent last year.

Thanks for your time and may God bless.

Paula

Thank you to those who have already made comments in this thread in reference to reunion with their children. Any new ones are greatly appreciated.

Paula

[Blessed2x.]

How will you know if she got it? It seems a shame if she doesn't check that particular email address anymore and would have liked to get in contact with you.

Do you know if she checks it?

Good luck. The letter is nice!

[kakuehl]

I agree with Blessed2x, the only problem I see with the email is that if she doesn't receive it, you will assume that she doesn't want any contact.

I contacted D's parents first (because I found them first). They in turn gave him the information. It took him about a month to contact me (he was 32 at that time.)

[humbird753]

I agree it would have been nice to contact adoptive parents first, but my research confirms that a-dad died 2 months before his 56th birthday in 1991. The a-mom is living in Texas and is in her 70's. Because my daughter is living in Chicago, IL and because of her involvement on an adoption panel board I feel she has an interest in knowing something about the circumstances of her being placed up for adoption.

"How will I know she even received the email" - I guess that could be uncertain; however very unlikely as the adoption panel board she is a member of is the site I emailed her from. In case there's a possibility she didn't receive it I will still continue to search for another avenue of being able to contact her. So far that is the only one I have found.

I also agree that if she doesn't want to go any further other than possibly obtaining her medical history. I will respect that completely. This is a very anxious time for me, but I feel very blessed to know she is alive and well, and that her adoptive parents gave her many opportunities I couldn't have given her. I have read some adoption stories that were horrible (and that's putting it mildly).

Did I tell everyone that I was able to obtain pictures of her??? She looks like my family (sisters, mother, and of course I see her resemblance to me also)!!! That was shocking and very exciting!!!
Thank you for your thoughts.

As far as patience - I have already found that difficult and it's only been 2 days.

Paula

[escottswanson]

I wish you and your daughter the best!

[humbird753]

Scott - thank you for the well wishes for me and daughter. I appreciate it very much.
Paula

[Mockingbird]

humbird,
I hope that your daughter is interested in getting to know you and the rest of her family. I'm sure it will probably be a shock to receive the email--but hopefully a happy one. When my son found me, he called and I was in a total daze for several days afterward just trying to process the fact that he had called. I hope that she does respond to your email soon. Keep us posted!

[kakuehl]

Hi, humbird. Is there any word yet? I'm hoping for the best!

[humbird753]

Thank you for asking about my daughter. I haven't heard anything yet. I just went to Chciago area to see my mother. My daughter does live in Chicago but of course I am respecting her privacy. I wish I would hear from her. I'm sure she has a lot to digest, just as I had to. I very much appreciate those of you who have asked how things were going. It makes me not feel so alone in this "journey."
Paula (Hum)

[Blessed2x.]

Hi Paula,

I've been thinking of you too! Hang in there,

B.

[JMunz]

I have been plastering My name/e-mail all over registry's and message boards for several years. Last week, and totally out of the blue, My Daughter (now 23) emailed Me. I was, and kinda still am, "floored".

While it is such a thrill to have contact after so many years, it is also quite overwhelming.

I'm sure You know what its like to spend EVERY day for 20+ years thinking of Your child, and just "wondering", & "hoping".

Truth is; this is far more complex than I ever imagined. Don't get Me wrong- It is truly an awesome thing, I wouldn't trade it for a million bucks, but it's not easy.

If You can see a counsellor or therapist to prep You, that will help immensely I'm sure.