[sjanae76]

What should I do if I'm not happy with the agency, but I know the couple I chose are the right ones? I'm meeting with the agency tomorrow and if she says one more thing I don't feel comfortable with, I'm close to telling her to forget it. I love the couple so far though, and don't have a problem with them personally. I just don't know how ethical (or fair to them, considering the money they've probably had to spend) it would be for me to contact them outside the agency. This stress is making me wonder if adoption IS the right choice for me.

[kakuehl]

I have no advice for you other than to tell the agency you are unhappy with them and that they are about to lose you! Simply say, I am very uncomfortable (angry, frustrated, etc) when you say that. In fact, this stress is making me wonder if adoption IS the right choice for me. It might make them straighten up and fly right! As to whether or not to contact the couple, I'm not sure what to tell you. My prayers will be with you as you decide what to do.

[bromanchik]

Let us know how the meeting goes. Stand your ground. They are providing a service to you. Let them know what you need. Remember, you have rights. You are the mom until you sign final papers.

[JustPeachy]

Is it the agency in general that you don't like, or your specific caseworker who is saying things that don't sit well with you?

Can you let your caseworker know when she says upsetting things? Or can you go up the chain of command and explain that you don't feel you have a good "fit" with your caseworker and ask to be given a different one?

If you are still not happy with the situation, still want to choose adoption, and would like this couple to be the adoptive parents, I would consider looking into arranging a private adoption on the side, however, there are probably legal issues to consider. For instance, I'm not sure if the potential adoptive parents have to sign papers saying they will not make private arrangements with expectant moms that the agency presents them. But it would be worth looking into if you feel comfortable with them.

Just make sure you stand up for yourself NOW and ask questions and express your concerns.

If you'd like to elaborate, could you tell us what they are saying to you that is making you upset?

[waitngforastar]

Hope you don't mind hearing from a PAP. I am working with the agency that performed our homestudy and also pursuing private adoption at the same time. Many couples do this. The papers I signed for the agency I am working with state that if I adopt a child from a situation that they presented, I am required to pay their fees. This protects the agency from me contacting the expectant parents on my own and doing a private adoption instead, which in most cases would be less money than the agency adoption, and I suppose it would also protect them if the expectant parents were to contact me about not using the agency. I interpret that to mean that the couple you chose could adopt this baby privately, but they would still have to pay their agency fees and they would have to hire a lawyer to handle the private adoption. This may prove to be too much for them financially. I don't know what their particular situation is of course, but I know that some agencies actually had in their forms that if the PAP's adopt at all, even if they have found a child themselves or through a different agency, they still have to pay those agency fees. have you spoken to the agency about your concerns? Is it an option to tell the potential adoptive parents your concerns? I would definatly want to know if my agency was behaving unethically!

[sjanae76]

The meeting did go well yesterday and I feel better about everything. The caseworker originally assigned to us is resigning, so her coworker is going to be taking her place for us. Which is cool with me because I felt more comfortable with her anyway.

[sjanae76]

Originally Posted by waitngforastar

Is it an option to tell the potential adoptive parents your concerns? I would definatly want to know if my agency was behaving unethically!

I wanted to wait until after the meeting yesterday, and I'm glad that I didn't contact them directly. I don't want them to worry for nothing. If things hadn't been resolved though, I would have contacted them to discuss our options outside the agency. I just didn't know how fair it would be for them to have to potentially pay more money.