[Janeytwo]

Same War - Different Day

Everyone insulted by titles. The birthmother/aparent thing....

I didn't come in here using that term. I got used to using that term when everyone else in here used it to describe themselves. When I repeatedly said that I wasn't comfortable with it...I was told that it's simply easier to refer to birthmothers as 'birthmothers' and the adoptive parents as 'aparents'. That makes perfect sense.

And while I still am not comfortable with either term, I can see that in this forum for purposes of clarify it is easier to use these to keep everyone straight and to keep everyone, hopefully, from hurting someone else without meaning to.

The term "Ex" though? In today's society it is a term specifically leant to divorce or to retirement. It's ex-wife; ex-husband; ex-military, etc. etc.

I cannot think of single instant where the term exmom should be used, unless, as Kathy says, you are divorcing your parent.

No one should be using it to describe moms of any kind in here...whether they be birthmothers, adoptive mothers; whatever.

So I did a little experiment. It took me exactly 4 seconds to type expectant mother. If anyone cannot take 4 seconds to type a word out....then they are too **** busy to be hanging around in here! Type the **** word out!!

Janey

[KarynB]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

So I did a little experiment. It took me exactly 4 seconds to type expectant mother. If anyone cannot take 4 seconds to type a word out....then they are too **** busy to be hanging around in here! Type the **** word out!!

Janey

Ok, I am actually laughing out loud! Thanks for this!!!!

[cbrink7]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

Same War - Different Day

Everyone insulted by titles. The birthmother/aparent thing....

I didn't come in here using that term. I got used to using that term when everyone else in here used it to describe themselves. When I repeatedly said that I wasn't comfortable with it...I was told that it's simply easier to refer to birthmothers as 'birthmothers' and the adoptive parents as 'aparents'. That makes perfect sense.

And while I still am not comfortable with either term, I can see that in this forum for purposes of clarify it is easier to use these to keep everyone straight and to keep everyone, hopefully, from hurting someone else without meaning to.

The term "Ex" though? In today's society it is a term specifically leant to divorce or to retirement. It's ex-wife; ex-husband; ex-military, etc. etc.

I cannot think of single instant where the term exmom should be used, unless, as Kathy says, you are divorcing your parent.

No one should be using it to describe moms of any kind in here...whether they be birthmothers, adoptive mothers; whatever.

So I did a little experiment. It took me exactly 4 seconds to type expectant mother. If anyone cannot take 4 seconds to type a word out....then they are too **** busy to be hanging around in here! Type the **** word out!!

Janey

Janey you are just awesome! Always the word of reason

[mg1970]

I was the one that used the term exmom in a sentence where clearly I was referring to an "expectant mother considering making an adoption plan" (and YES that is a lot to type). I did not think of the negative connotation when typing it and it was clear in the sentence I used it what I meant. It has been made pretty clear to me here that it is not appropriate to use the term birthmom in this context and I was trying to be sensitive, but that seems to be lost in this place where it seems we spend more time correcting eachother's language than supporting eachother or trying to understand where the other person is coming from.

It was pointed out to me that this could be considered offensive. I was like OK, MY mind didn't go there but whatever -- I'll stick to emom in the future.

Then in a thread where we were talking about offensive terms someone brought it up again, and I defended myself stating that yes, I used that term and I've also used the term B.M. (no dots) for birthmother and in context I used these, it was clear what I meant -- but yet I was blasted for using these terms.

Anyway, I was then told that it was "not true" that I was blasted for this -- completely negating my feelings. WELL IF THIS ISN'T BLASTING I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS

You know I am NOT apologizing for a word taken out of context that I used once while trying to be sensitive in this overly PC board. I'm just not. Especially when it has been made so clear that no one here really cares about the original intent -- they just want to bash me.

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by mg1970

in context I used these, it was clear what I meant -- but yet I was blasted for using these terms.

When I originally posted to this thread, it was a discussion about something done on another board. I think it was a thoughtless abbreviation and I didn't and still don't like it.

On the other hand, I've been the one bashed for using a phrase not PC enough for some. I used "our bmom" when discussing my children's birth mom. My kids have the same birth mom and I was discussing the bmom for our family and I still don't have a problem discussing her as such.

This is why I really really dislike the current PC trend of our language. When we spend more time editing our thoughts so that we don't offend anyone, we still end up offending someone. If we decide that only these words can be used here someone being offended, then we're left without enough words to actually express our thoughts. At that point, why bother to express anything.

I can go out of my way to use terms that are not offensive, and so can everyone else.

We can talk about our children's beautiful smiles...wait, we're going to offend those who have children with bad teeth.

We can talk about our feelings...wait, we're not entitled to feel offended by other sides of the triad.

We can talk about the weather...wait, we could offend those who think that the current weather issues are a part of man's impact and global warming.

We can talk about computers...wait, those who have a mac may be offended by those who use a pc.

We can either realize that in adult conversations, there is no way that we can totally cut out the possibility of offending, or we can not type anything at all.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by vegaschristina

We can either realize that in adult conversations, there is no way that we can totally cut out the possibility of offending, or we can not type anything at all.

I agree entirely.

I think one of the nice things about online communication though is that we can skip things that bother us.

For example, if there is a thread talking about how adoptive parents are offended by terms other than birthparent, I don't read it.

We, as adults, also have the ability to walk away. It's pretty simple, I have some people on ignore because they constantly say things I don't like.

That said, I do think we can be careful about our words to a point. I think a little sensitivity goes a long way and to say, hey I used that, didn't realize it was that bad, sorry I won't use it again, means alot.

I agree the world can be TOO PC, things get dumbed down. Not being ridiculously offensive is something that we as adults can do though.

[quantum]

I don't think there is anything wrong with having this discussion of why we like or don't like this term.
Personally I didn't feel it was blasting anyone in particular since I had not read a single thread where it was used.
If we don't discuss terms and what is appropriate/inappropriate, offensive/inoffensive how will we ever know?
Ok, one person used exmom without thinking, to me, this thread is not blasting this person, it's more raising awareness so that it will NOT become a common term.
Is that so wrong?

If we do not DISCUSS these things, which is what I thought this thread was about, how will we ever know?

[mg1970]

Originally Posted by quantum

Personally I didn't feel it was blasting anyone in particular since I had not read a single thread where it was used.

So you are saying that you did not know that you were discussing an actual person with feelings?

Well ignorance is not an excuse. Wait, where have I heard that before?

On this thread I have been described as:

dense
offensive
disgusting
appalling
inhumane
lazy
dumb***
ignorant
not that bright

And *I* am the offensive one?

Really, why should I care what any of you think about me or my word choices when you treat me with so little respect?

I do apologise to Kathy, who did point out the faux pas, because she was tactful in the way she did it and has been nothing but positive and fair ever since. I made a mental note it and did not use the term again. I didn't awknowledge it then because I was annoyed that it hijacked my thread, a thread where I was really hoping for some support and not a debate over my language. Seems like the later gets a lot more attention around here.

You know, you choose your attitude. If you want to get all worked up over a word taken out of context, that is your perogative. Your negative attitude does not define me.