[Jensboys]

Yeah for Jenna and Paige

[quantum]

Ditto for the standing ovation.

[proudmum]

like i said Jenna i agree with you,,,, but if you want to misread and make assumptions from my posts thats your choice... but DO NOT make me out to be a person that does not care,,, re-read them,,, see where you have got me all wrong,,, like you wont put up with certain things i will not put up with someone reading (incorrectly)) between the lines of what i have said,,,, again i think if that term was used to describe a bmother or an emom its disgusting... but you are completely not getting what i am saying ,,i never posted to argue,,, i just questioned ( you know it was a very bad way of writing "EXpectant mom" that is why i cannot understand the offense you have taken in this particular case)

i wish you all well for the future..
proudmum

[KarynB]

Guys, isn't it possible that we are all "right" in some way here?

Belle - thanks for all your posts and pointing out things I had never thought of. I can't even imagine what it is like to walk on eggshells your whole life...actually, in a way I can. I had my DD when I was 19 (pg at 18) and her and her dad and I are no longer together. Whenever I say something he doesn't like he threatens court and custody battles. So - not really the same as your situation as a birthmom as I am raising her, but same sort of fear and uncertainty. Anyways, i sure appreciate you honesty and thoughts on this.

Jenna - you have a way with words and I sure hope you are doing something with that? Advocacy work, author? But, maybe there is more than one perspective here? anyways - I hear what you are saying especially about being treated like gold until you hand over the baby and then you are discarded...and never to be thought of again. Or, if you are thought of, it is from a position of someone else holding the cards...I do get that.

BUT - I get what proudmom is saying too. The term ex-mom was a typing error - yes, one that should be pointed out and NEVER used again (I've said that right from the start) but not used (I sure hope) in a derogatory way, you know? Does it make you feel that way? Yes, it does, and I sure can understand why. But that has got to be seen as different than someone purposfully calling you a name or a term meant to offend. I mean, if someone in the store asks me about my sons "real" mom in totally innocence, I don't like it but I don't go off the wall. Now, if someone says it in a derogatory way and on purpose, that is different.

BUT - haha, I keep contradicting myself. Anyways, maybe what you are saying is that it is ok for us to feel that way because we are the ones in power - similar to the example I used above regarding white priviledge. And I do feel the entire adoption system needs reform. I've been to too many conferences and seen to many very confused adult adoptees to feel otherwise. And I also beleive in the power of language. As a women's studies major - I know that men will argue until they are blue in the face the fact that every text book in the world that only mentions one gender means nothing, we as women know otherwise.

[proudmum]

Originally Posted by KarynB

The term ex-mom was a typing error - yes, one that should be pointed out and NEVER used again (I've said that right from the start) but not used (I sure hope) in a derogatory way, you know? Does it make you feel that way? Yes, it does, and I sure can understand why. But that has got to be seen as different than someone purposfully calling you a name or a term meant to offend. I mean, if someone in the store asks me about my sons "real" mom in totally innocence, I don't like it but I don't go off the wall. Now, if someone says it in a derogatory way and on purpose, that is different.

yes,yes,yes this was what i was trying to say ,,, but obviously i was not as clear as you...thanks for seeing what i meant ..

[RavenSong]

Ok, so I tried searching for ex-mom here on the forums. I found 5 or 6 threads that use "exmom" and 2 threads that use "ex-mom." But the frustrating thing is that I cannot search for "ex mom" because the search engine tells me that the "ex" part is too short. (I tried it both within and outside of quotation marks.) So I have no idea at all how many, or if any, threads contain the term "ex mom" as two words without a hyphen.

On another note, I'm totally frustrated right now. I spent all day thinking up a response to something I read this morning on this thread. And now the post I was going to reply to is nowhere to be found... It had something to do with an expectant mom (or emom) being defined differently than a regular "mom" or "mother" (without the qualifer.) The post said that an emom was a woman who was contemplating placing her child for adoption, while a "mother" was someone who was NOT thinking about adoption. And the post really bugged me big-time. And now I can't find it...

On a final note, I saw earlier in the thread mention of the term "adopters". Just to put my two cents in on this subject, I hate this term, absolutely detest it. I know some of the philosophy behind the usage of this term, but I still think it sounds really crude. It makes it sound like my son's aparents were his owners or something, which is what I never, ever intended when I placed him for adoption...

PS: Does anybody know where I can find the "2 cents" icon or smiley?? I see it used by forum members from time to time, but I cannot seem to find it anywhere.

[kakuehl]

Just a gentle reminder - the original question was "What do you think of the term?" It had nothing to do with the intentions of the poster and was not bashing the person who used the term. In fact there was an acknowledgement that those using the term have heard and understood the objections to callling a woman a birth mother before she relinquished a child.

[BrandyHagz]

And now the post I was going to reply to is nowhere to be found

There have been no posts removed from this thread.

There have been no posts edited by moderators.

If something is missing, it is because the original posted elected to edit their post (which they can do for up to 60 minutes).

I just wanted to make that clear, so there is no confusion about the motivations of the moderators here on the forums...

[SchmennaLeigh]

Yes. I've been published in Redbook, write for AdoptionBlogs.com as well as a myriad of other blogs and do someday plan to write a book. You know. When I have some time. I also participate with some reform groups and spoke at the University of Pittsburgh last October while HUGELY pregnant with Parker. Oh, the pictures are HORRIBLE of that event. So, thank you!

[Janeytwo]

Hey there!

PS: Does anybody know where I can find the "2 cents" icon or smiley?? I see it used by forum members from time to time, but I cannot seem to find it anywhere.

I found it when I hit the "quote" reply button to reply to your thread here.

It's at the bottom under "Post Icons:



Janey

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

Hey there!



I found it when I hit the "quote" reply button to reply to your thread here.

It's at the bottom under "Post Icons:



Janey

Well, drats, I still cannot find it. It does not show up for me under the "Post Icons". Is the 2 Cents icon only available for Premium members by any chance??

[bajj]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

Well, drats, I still cannot find it. It does not show up for me under the "Post Icons". Is the 2 Cents icon only available for Premium members by any chance??

Maybe, I don't see it either.

[kakuehl]

I don't know... I see it with the icons at located below the message block I type in when I push the go advanced. I did a copy and paste to put it here.http://forums.adoption.com/images/icons/twocents.gif

[kakuehl]

hmm... it didn't show the link in preview! just the image...

[RavenSong]

Kathy, I'm thinking that the 2 Cents icon must just be available for Premium members. I've tried three different browsers, and it doesn't show up in any of them. It probably is only visible if you're a Premium-level member.

Edit: Let's see if I can "attach" the 2 Cents icon from the link itself... Cool!!!