[Lilacsandroses]

I received an email several weeks ago from her saying i was no longer welcome to communicate with her. (She finally found me 3 years ago, 1st year started out high on the "ride", everything was great, 2nd year getting closer and closer to a F2F, 3rd year...then had a sudden and dizzy-ing fall down into the pits of no answers from her for months and months up to the fateful message from her...) I spoke to a friend of mine who happens to be a birthmom too, let her read the actual message, and she suggested that I just go with it, that I don't need that kind of poisonous relationship. And I know that I will be open to communication with my bdaughter in the future, so if there is contact again and its better then, I'll go along with it at that time. Meantime though...TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY and since she first contacted me I have made sure to do SOMETHING in recognition of it...flowers, card, gift...something. This time I couldn't bring myself to send a gift, or flowers, or anything, and I've already started and erased 3 emails because the first one WAS poisoned, the second was too short and therefore seemed just as mean, and on the third one I only got a few words into and just couldn't go on and came here... I don't want to be a zombie here at work, but if I don't talk about this, I'm gonna be useless today!

[Tazer]

Hi Lilacs..sorry you're having such a crappy day; take it from another reunited B-mom, what you are dealing with isn't that unusual. Reunion really is a roller-coaster ride and IMO there aren't even any seat belts on our rides. I frequently feel my relationship with my 22 year old daughter is a disaster waiting to happen and just when I'm ready to go over and >>> <<< she turns into an Angel and we find ourselves doing >>> <<<. It constantly changes. Right now we are good, but the day is still young! The thing is I love her enough to keep trying and too much to let go.

You didn't ask for advice but I'm gonna offer my $.02 worth anyway. Since you seem to want to acknowledge her special day and are having trouble finding the words why don't you goggle "greetings" and forward her an e-card instead. Let your feelings wait for another day but let her know you are thinking about her today. It can't hurt to say Happy Birthday, it might even open the doors to communication and even if it doesn't the ball will be in her corner and you can get on with your day. Just my thoughts...and please keep venting and feel free to e-mail me anytime you need support or just need to vent privately. Take Care and Happy Birthday to your Baby...Tracy

[quantum]

I'm with Tracy.
:-)
and *extra tight hugs for lilacsandroses today*

I feel like I'm entering a downward spiral with my bson as well, but it's MY birthday that's coming up. Or down?

[carolynppk]

I'm an adoptee and today is my birthday. I will happily accept your birthday wishes and be the substitute happy daughter!! LOL!!! I do understand and I am sorry. I am thinking of you!

Carolyn

[kakuehl]

I hope work went well after all yesterday at work. I would recommend a card/email acknowledging her birthday and her request to be left alone, letting her know that you will be there if she then changes her mind.

Than when you feel like writing or contacting her, write in a book or a private journal. This may help.

[Janeytwo]

Hey Lilacs! This is a day late - so sorry about that, I'm just catching up in here.

I'd like to second what Tazer and Kathy suggested. Maybe send her a belated b-day e-card that's general and unthreatening....something like "I thought of you yesterday and just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday."

That way you don't feel that you did nothing on her birthday and also she also knows that you reached out.

Hope that helps.

Carolynn - Welcome Back!! And Happy Belated Birthday!!!

Tazer - Did you see the cartoon in the Houston Chronicle this weekend? The one from Nick Anderson about unwed moms? If you did let me know what you thought of it. I thought it was marvelous.

Wish I had a scanner I'd have posted it in here.

Hugs to you guys!

Janey