[Eric_N_Hopes_Mom]

I'm wondering if there is a forum for b-moms who didn't have a choice relinquishing their parental rights. If there is & there's anyone out there has been through this.

If there is, or something similar to this scenario please let me know where to go to post.

Thanks

[BrandyHagz]

No, we do not currently have a forum specific to that and there is no plan, at this time, to create one.

You're welcome to post here (or anywhere)

[Jackiejdajda]

Eric_N_Hopes_Mom

I'm wondering if there is a forum for b-moms who didn't have a choice relinquishing their parental rights. If there is & there's anyone out there has been through this.

Choice is such an interesting discussion..

I had no money.. I had no insurance.. and welfare was something that would have been 'not allowed'.

And I had to keep the secret from the rest of my family..

Can you write about your lack of choice?

Jackie

[Eric_N_Hopes_Mom]

It's a long story...but it was nothing like your story. I'm not even sure if I should be on this forum...my children were STOLEN from me by the state.

[quantum]

Tell us your story. :-)
If you want to.
We're always happy to hear, share and comfort.

[Eric_N_Hopes_Mom]

When I met my childrens father I had no idea how much of an alcoholic/addict he was..he kept it completely hidden from me until I was head over heels for him, once that happened of course I felt that I needed to help him & to help him I needed to be able to understand him better so when he finally surprised me one night by openly using infront of me to get me to try some..I did. Biggest mistake of my life. I was so addicted from the start it boggles my mind now when I think back. Well once my ex-husband found out..he immediately called C.P.S. they came out one day when my ex-husband was sitting with my babies, they told him since he wasn't a legal guardian they had to take my children. So they took them, started an investigation & found that I needed drug treatment rehab. so I went into a 6 month residential rehab., & completed the program sucessfully, I did everything I was ordered to do by CPS & the Judge & passed everything with flying colors...the entire time I was working on myself, my children were held in foster care. I received visits 3X week for 2 hours. My children would come running to me everytime, & when I would wait in the parking lot for the vehicle to arrive with my children, when they would pull up as soon as they would see me they would be kicking their little legs, arms flying couldn't wait to get out of their safety seats to get to me. I was due to be reunified with my children at the end of February that year. Unfortunately, their father came along to visit them a few times at visit at my home. Then he began coming over in the evenings & one night he brought drugs, started using right in front of me...it was too close for me...I relapsed...I told my CPS worker right away that I'd made 1 mistake & it would never happen again.....too late. When I went to the permanency hearing the Judge severed my parental rights & put my children up for adoption. I was to have 1 final visit with them. That came about 3 months after. I remember taking the bus to the McDonalds carrying 2 of the biggest stuffed teddy bears I could find, I could hardly see through my tears knowing this would be the last time I would touch my babies, hold them, rock them, sing to them, play with them. I saw my children for the last time in May of 2002, at that time they were 2 & 3 years old. When the visit ended I couldn't let go of my baby, my little girl, I couldn't get my baby my son because they took him quickly & secured him in the car seat, I sat down on the parking lot holding & rocking my baby singing with tears streaming down my cheeks...the two workers got on either sides of me pryed my arms apart & took my baby from my arms....they took her away her & my baby boy...my children were crying holding their stuffed teddy bears knowing something was wrong..bad wrong...I had tried at the final visit to explain to my son he wouldn't see mommy again for a long time, but that mommy will never stop loving him or his sister..that he was to stay close to his sister & the two of them would keep them close to mommy. I told my baby boy to find mommy as soon as he could when he got old enough...but I don't know how much my 3 year old could understand..I do know that he became more agitated & angry after I spoke with him, as if he understood some of it but not the "why" part..my son, my baby boy, my first born we shared the same heart, the same soul
he is my other half...my daughter is wholly & completely a carbon copy of myself....how am I to go on living without them. It's as if God granted those 2 little angels to come through me but our time was limited...very limited. They are the loves of my life...always will be.

I screwed up & I know it, but it doesn't make missing them any easier..it makes it harder. I have just gone through 5 solid years of not wanting to live anymore because of my mistakes..knowing I will never see my babies again. I have a piercing in my heart that will remain the rest of my life. The hardest part is not knowing how they're doing or if they're happy & being well taken care of. I have to leave that in the hands of God. I await a reunion one day. I know my children were shocked & heartbroken not knowing/understanding at their ages where mommy went or why they couldn't see her anymore. It's so ruthless the way they just cut off all communication between the children & I, I hurt more for the children especially when they were so little....another huge piercing in my heart.

I am heartbroken. I miss my babies. They are the only living family I have left & I have no other children. My life is on track now & has been for quite some time..I wish the laws of adoption would allow for birthmothers to have some kind of communication with their children be it pictures, update letters...ANYTHING.

So that is my story...I hurt more than a person could ever hurt in a lifetime & there is no closure with my pain...I know not where my children are or even if they are still alive...it's a tremendous burden to carry through life...I do understand that I have done this to my children, my self. The pain that I put my own sweet little angels through (& they are angels) causes me more grief than I can hardly bare. It's what hurts the most.

I disagree with the way the state handled the situation. There just happened to be relatives of the foster mother who wanted my children real badly & they won out. I feel that I should have been able to have my case sent before a jury & have a jury trial to have my parental rights severed. That is the law now but it wasn't back in 2002. When my case went through it was only 1 man's opinion that I should be severed from parenting my children. They don't realize how much this brutal outcome hurts small children...puts a scar on them for life..I'm sure a jury trial would have allowed me more lienency & time.

Eric, Hope if you ever read this...know that I love you & I can't wait to be with you again..please try hard you can find me I'm leaving links for you everywhere....here in Arizona. My babies you are the only ones on Gods earth that can help extinguish my pain from hurting you..PLEASE FORGIVE ME. You 2 have my heart & soul.

All my love your firstmom

[quantum]

I am so sorry that this happened to you.
Is there any chance for reunion for you in the future?

I hope you can continue to stay straight! I'm sure it's not easy.

Thank you so much for sharing

*hugs*

[vegaschristina]

Eric n Hopes Mom,

I can read the pain in your post, but I can also see the other side of the picture. I am a foster/adoptive mom. My children were removed from their birth mom because of her inability to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and to provide an appropriate home for them. The state did not STEAL these children. The state removed the children from an inappropriate and abusive situation and gave their bmom time to correct her mistakes. My oldest daughter was removed at 32 days old and her rights were terminated 16 months later...over a year to correct her mistakes. My son was removed at 6 months and while he was in my home, she gave birth again. The baby was removed at 3 months. At almost 2 and 3 years old, these children are done waiting for her to get her life together. She's been given almost 5 years to get it together. How long should these children wait? How long should they have to endure mommy not showing up at visits because she's too high? And now, after losing 3 children and taking 5 years, guess what? She's still in the same situation, still using, still making the same mistakes. And now she's pregnant again! So this will make another child that is forced into the position my children were put into. A birth mom who can not...who will not give up her vices to become the mother they need her to be.

You've said in your post that you did drugs, and even after completing rehab, you did drugs again. I'm sorry that you've lost your children, and I'm so glad that you've gotten your life together, but those children deserve more than a mom who takes years to get it together. I believe that God is merciful and he will give you a chance to reunify with your children. I pray that the time will pass swiftly for you and that you can show your children the positive person you've become.

[paigeturner]

Eric n Hopes Mom,

Since this is an open forum you'll hear all sides of an issue here. I hope it doesn't scare you away - this is a great place to learn, grow and work through issues.

I am sorry that you and your children have had such a hard time. Addiction is horrible and hard to overcome. I sounds like you've done a wonderful job turning your life around. I really have no words other than to wish you peace and hope that someday you will reunite with your children.

[Tazer]

Dear Mom, I don't have any advice to offer and it doesn't seem as if you really need any at this point. I posted to say I'm so sorry you and your kids had to go through this and I pray that one day you will have the chance to be reunited, if for no other reason than they get to hear the love you shared with us.
As the other poster shared you're probably gonna get all types of advice in this forum and some of it might not be as kind and understanding as you are hoping for, but don't let that stop you from posting; please.
Your issue is one that tears me apart b/c I honestly believe that addiction is a disease much like cancer and TB and should be treated as such. No one (especially lawmakers) would ever remove kids from a mom because she develops breast cancer that limits her ability to parent, they'd step in with offers to help and support her and I ask myself why this is different? I completely understand that kids should be protected and raised in a safe enviornment but I ask myself if removal is always the best option?
I posted to let you know that while I have no addiction or drug-related issues and I willingly placed my daughter at birth, I hear your pain and I am praying that you find peace. Tracy

[Janeytwo]

Hi! My name is Janey. I am a birthmother. Welcome!

I am so sorry for you that drugs entered your life and created such a mess for you. My deepest sympathies my friend. I am from the street and have seen what drugs are capable of doing to decent people. No one starts out the day saying, "Today I think I will became an addict and ruin my life."

Nope. No siree.

My heart bleeds for you in the price you have paid at the hands of addiction. It is a living hell on earth and I respect you greatly, not only for trying to stay in recovery but for having the courage to continue on in the face of what has happened to you. I too have lost two children and it is a terrible pain to bear.

In here you will find wise good women who can help you navigate through these dark times. Hang in there! Don't give up!

Anytime you'd like to PM me re. recovery, please feel free to do so. It's never a problem.

I will pray with every inch of my soul that your children are safe and well.

And try to remember my friend as you travel the recovery road that there are people out there who believe they are above falls from faith. They are, of course, blissfully ignorant. A person might not ever abuse drugs in their lifetime, that doesn't mean they haven't made their share of mistakes. Like the saying goes: Just because your dog admires you, doesn't mean you're worthy.

May God keep you in His blessed care,

Janey

[JustPeachy]

I am a bmom, but I made an informed decision to relinquish my child, which, painful as it was, is quite different from the situation you describe. I have never struggled with addiction but have lost family members to alcoholism, so I do know how hard it is to get clean and not relapse. I am so sorry for the loss of your children. It is too bad you cannot, at the very least, get an update of some kind. Is this not a possibility for you at all? I do hope you will continue to post. As Janey said, there are some great women here who are a wonderful source of support.

[crick]

I'm sorry for your pain. No matter how you lost your children, I can only imagine how painful it is for you. I do commend you for beating your addiction and turning your life around.

I also appreciate your honesty and bravery in sharing this. I can only hope that my children's firstmom has changed her life around as you have and for me that would mean so much to know. My daughter especially does worry about her firstmom and would love to have a picture of her. So I am on the other side from you but wanting similar things in a way. To be able to locate her and start some type of contact.

I can't offer much support I know, but hopefully they are being raised to understand that you'll always be their firstmom and just maybe too, their parents now are looking for you.

[Eric_N_Hopes_Mom]

I was terribly afraid to share my story on here, I rarely say anything to anyone about it..for fear of unjust judgement..especially from those who have no understanding only their own.

I'd like to thank all of you who understand what addiction is...I am also bi-polar & have been trying to self medicate for years trying to relieve my symptoms....I smoked pot for years, it was the only thing that helped me.

I will say this to those who do not understand addiction..I was born to 2 alcoholic parents...there was always alcohol in my life...I didn't even know or understand what "straight" was. I'm from the other side of the street to those of you who don't understand addiction. All I can say to those who don't understand or try to....try not to judge...there are cases like the one woman above who only understands the way it is because of her children's addictions...that is not always the way it is..I'm sorry. I was a good mother, my children ALWAYS came first. I took extremely good care of them, they were never mistreated or abused...the only reason CPS got involved was because of my ex-husbands jealousy. I always put my children first. The state DID steal my children because I did not get a jury trial as they've put into law a year after my parental rights were severed. I was not allowed the time mothers had the year before mine were taken, my time was cut in half...recovery takes time, my children were just fine they wanted badly to come home to me. I should have been given more understanding the assistance they now offer mothers with addictions-I did not get any of that but now the laws are changed to allow for more assistance so the children do not have to be stripped of their birthmother which scars them for life...I was not a junkie by any means...in fact the amount that I used was peanuts compared to the average addict on that particular drug...I never had the money for it...I was always aware of what was going on around me & I was & am responsible. I will state my side of the case as I will never believe what has been done to my children & me was just by ANY means. I believe we got caught up in an unfortunate circumstance. I do believe that children should be removed from homes where the parents are not responsible, & are doing drugs all day & not caring for their children & are putting their children in harms way. I absolutely believe that. But this was not the case for my children & I....I'm sorry but that is all I am going to say about that at this time.

I am grateful for those of you who have responded with compassion & understanding. My pain is of the utmost & for those of you who send love & heartfelt thoughts my way & to my children I ask the angels to give you all a special blessing & angel kiss...I am very thankful to you.

Sometimes I feel that I need to talk about my situation, other times I feel that I will be judged by those who do not understand my situation. So I don't like to talk about it...

Thank you all for responding, I am actually very surprised at all the responses my story has generated ! It kind of blows my mind...

I pray for a reunion with my children one day so that I will be able to explain to them what has happened & why. There is little hope for any information or pictures of my children from the a-parents because they have decided they do not want to contact me..I have given them full permission to gain access to & have given them my name & ways to find me..they have chosen to not.. I will have to wait until my children are old enough to contact me...I will be looking for them but I will not intrude until they are ready to find me.

Re: the a-family by them not even allowing me to see pictures of my children as they grow...is completely beyond me... there is no reason that I can think of why that would cause any problems. If they think I wouldn't recognize my children at ANY age they are sadly mistaken...it's not as if my children will not be looking for me someday because THEY WILL & when they do find me & we reunite...it will fall against the a-parents because if they believe I can or ever will forget my children ...they are most incredibly mistaken..I will search for & find my children one day...that I promise until the day I die...they are MY flesh & blood...they are my children & they will always be my children & the a-parents not wanting me to have any information about them..is to their error...this will have adverse reactions for them, that I am sure of. If my children have been asking them about me & they've not told them about me...it will be most unfavorable for them.

Sorry I guess I've gotten into a bit of a mood tonight after reading a couple of the negative responses after pouring my heart & soul out on here...I should not have told my story.. but as it stands I have & I will live with the different opinions of people on here who are narrow minded. I have worked very very hard to live a life on my own completely since my parents died 16 years ago...I go through holidays & b-days completely alone without my children...I am still alive & here today & I have fought hard to overcome some terribly high obstacles...Jesus Christ has forgiven me, so I have the right to forgive myself & go on with my life...he saved my children from their father..for that & for placing them with a family who undoubtly loves them & has the means to give them what I could not...I will be eternally grateful to God & to the a-parents..I am happy for my children that they have been given a chance at life a better one than I had (I hope & pray) I know that they are loved very very much..the only reason I am still alive & here today is because God wants me here, he wants me here for the day my children come looking for me...that is one thing I am certain of...

Thanks again for being there, for listening, for caring & for understanding...