What To Do

KELSEYLUV · #1 07-18-2008, 07:23 AM

lONG STORY SHORT I GAVE MY LITTLE GIRL UP FOR ADOPTION 15 YEARS AGO THIS MONTH. THEY WERE MY BEST FRIENDS DAD AND STEP MOM AND WE WERE FRIENDS. IT WAS A OPEN ADOPTION SO I GOT TO SEE HER AND THEY SENT PICS ALL THE TIME. HOWEVER THROUGH THE YEARS ALOT HAS HAPPENED. I LOST CONTACT WITH THEM AND COULD NOT REACH ANYONE. THEN I SENT ANOUTHER LETTER AND GOT A RESPONSE ONLY TO FIND OUT THE ADOPTIVE DAD IS NOW IN PRISON AND THE ADOPTIVE MOM IS NOT HEALTHY. SO I WENT TO SEE HER AND MY BEAUTIFULL DAUGHTER STAYED IN CONTACT FOR A YEAR OR SO THEN AGAIN NO RETURN EMAILS OR CALLS. FINALLY ANOUTHER OLDER DAUGHTER OF ADAD RESPONDS SEEMS AMOM HAS PASSED AWAYAND MY DAUGHTER IS WITH HER BUT BEING PLACED IN FOSTER CARE. THIS I CAN NOT HANDLE.
I HAVE TALKED TO MY DAUGHTER AND SHE REQUESTED TO COME LIVE WITH ME BUT STATE WORKER NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE HE HAS FOUND A HOME FOR HER AND HER OTHER ADOPTED LITTLE SIS. THIS IS NOT FAIR I DID GIVE MY CHILD UP BUT TO A FAMILY I KNEW AND AT ONE TIME LOVED NOT TO STATE

Jackiejdajda · #2 07-19-2008, 08:35 AM

Oh my goodness.. how terrible..

I do not know what to say.. other than maybe stay with her.. keep in contact till she is of age.. see if you can visit.. etc..

Jackie

Janeytwo · #3 07-19-2008, 08:41 AM

Hi. My God! This is a nightmare scenario. Is there any legal channel, any at all that you can open? I know that seems naive, but it must be so hard to just sit and stew.

Jackie's right, can you keep in contact? Not let go of her if nothing else? Will the State work with you on that?

My prayers are with you.

Janey

JustPeachy · #4 07-19-2008, 12:14 PM

Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this, as well as your daughter! Your daughter is 15 and has expressed an interest in living with you. You'd think she'd be considered old enough to at least have some say in this decision for herself! I'm wondering if you can check and see what the age of emancipation is for your state. Maybe your daughter can petition the court for emancipation?? Can you talk to the case worker and see what you would need to do to at least keep in contact?? Could you qualify to be a foster parent yourself and could maybe then foster her?? Or adopt her back???? I wish I knew the answers for you, but I don't. I just hope you will be able to at least stay in her life someway/somehow.

KELSEYLUV · #5 07-21-2008, 05:26 AM

Actually I did go visit her last week omg she is so smart and pretty. It seems the state would like to keep her and her asis together. I am doing everything i can in my homestate to see that if by chance something happens and IL will let her ciome live with me I am ready. The foster parents were really nice and i was able to provide her with a cell. So I figure that will open communication door between her and myself. I get the bill so for me at least I will know where she is. The

state worker has not put much interest in her coming to live with me. Says things like "I have been doing this 23years and never seperated any of my kids." When I went there he had to meet me before I could see her. Legally I am looking for a loop hole somewhere thinking about her biological aunt stepping in or did I give her rights up as well.[/color]

Jackiejdajda · #6 07-21-2008, 07:01 AM

Keep working towards your goal..

Slow and steady.. she is okay..

Jackie

KELSEYLUV · #7 07-22-2008, 05:54 AM

Yes working very slowly I talked to her last night and was telling her that I have not gave up and that I will not. I am working on becoming a foster parent in homestate so now we both look at it not only that I will be ready, but I may be able to help anouther child in process of trying to help my own child.

Dickons · #8 07-22-2008, 06:22 AM

I am so sorry for you. The social worker should be working with you not giving you pat answers like I don't separate kids...give me a break...he is separating a child from her family. It's wrong.

Keep working towards your goal, great idea on the cell phone and thankfully the foster mother has a clue.

Kind regards,
Dickons

Stormster · #9 07-22-2008, 06:56 AM

In response to helping another child I was just wondering if you could possibly try to help her little sister too? If you made that a goal then the state wouldn't be separating them.

Maybe this isn't realistic (from your point of view) but it is heartbreaking what is happening to both of these children.

Best of luck to you!

JustPeachy · #10 07-22-2008, 07:02 AM

Can you also go up the chain of command and speak to the social worker's manager and explain your situation? I don't like that you were given these pat answers, either, and maybe having a manager review the case could get things rolling in your favor.

KELSEYLUV · #11 07-23-2008, 05:47 AM

Well in the long story short I should of said yes I offered to take both girls, his words were weill if it doesnt work out where the girls are. He continues to say he just wants to get the girls stable. Which i know is bull cause once they are stable no court will let me change there life around again. I had a long talk with my daughter who has been through alot and I tried to let her know that I love her and no matter what he says I will be here. She says they are ok and that I worry to much. She also says she ok living with them till she gets old enough to in her words "tell all of them to kiss her butt". I hate it but I need to do what she wants not what I want. If it was up to me I would see him in court, but not sure if me pushing is making it harder on her. I don't know anymore. I try to stay strong and not be so angry but I am.

KELSEYLUV · #12 07-23-2008, 05:52 AM

And as for the chain, he is a supervisor of a large dcfs unit. so you know they have trust in him. The only reason he even has her case is the last worker quit. Honestly I tink it boils down to his sense of power and control. When I gave her the phone this man actually had enough nerve to tell my daughter now I have something I can take away from you if you do not get good grades or misbehave. Like Said he is no help to me, I do think he cares about the girls but is it enough

KELSEYLUV · #13 07-14-2009, 06:26 AM

I wanted to take the time to let everyone know that a year later I now have my daughter with me. I went on get my foster parenting liscense after that I called her quardian ad litem and told her that she was fixing to be moved from her foster house again (4 times one year) and that I wanted to be considered as placement for her. I am out of state and it took a few phone calls on her part but it WORKED. Her dcfs supervisor was in agreement with everything and a year later he turned out to be a really nice guy. I am still not sure what is going on with the younger sister all though we keep in touch with her she has been moved and moved and they do not think placement where the girls will be together is not the what needs to happen at this time. I will not give up though. i plan on starting a new thread there is so much to tell the reunion and so on. THANK-YOU SO MUCH FOR THE PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS THEY WORKED.

Whirled_Peas · #14 07-14-2009, 11:52 AM

Congratulations. You did a great job.

saj · #15 07-14-2009, 01:18 PM

How wonderful!

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