[mygrl4meee]

Anyone have any experience attending groups for birth parents, I tried within the first year of having my daughter, but it only made me angry when I heard about open adoptions. Has groups been helpful to anyone?

[Jackiejdajda]

I tried within the first year of having my daughter, but it only made me angry when I heard about open adoptions.

Did you not know about OA when you relinquished?
Were you lied to?

Can you write more about it?

Jackie

[mygrl4meee]

Since I didn't tell anyone, that I was pregnant, everything was last minute, and my mom suggested adoption. Her sister told me about this couple, and I didn't know there were such things as a open adoption, or did I get the chance to really pick the couple.
This has been almost 17 years, and lately it's been really bugging me. I feel like, I was lied too or mis led, because I was told, I would get pictures, but I really don't remember if the couple said it too, or just my aunt did.
I am just wondering if anyone else has found groups to be helpful?

[JustPeachy]

I have attended them and I find them immensely helpful. There are also groups where bmoms get together with adoptees and once in awhile aparents, too. Those have also been helpful to me to see the views of other members of the triad.

When I placed, OA was not an option. I was very lucky because even though it wasn't defined as such at the time, what I had was a semi-open adoption. I've always received pictures and letters through the agency. That has been very helpful to me.

I do remember OA started a few years after I placed my son. I remember feeling very upset at first, thinking "why couldn't that have been an option when I was making an adoption plan!" But then after I thought about it, I realized (and this is just in terms of me and my personality) it was probably for the best. I don't know if I could have handled an OA, and given my strong personality and the fact that I like to be in control, I think I would have ended trying to coparent. Of course, I'll never know for sure, but my gut tells me I had the best option with the semi-open situation.

I am sorry you did not have all the facts in front of you when making your decison and that it was so rushed. Is there any chance of opening things up a bit, even to do something like I had with semi-open?

I would still try to attend the groups and express your feelings about what happened to you. That's what the groups are for.

I know it can be hard when comparing situations. Sometimes I read here about bmoms who have wonderful open relationships and think that is so nice and if only it could have been like that for me. But it wasn't and isn't, so I have to work with my own situation as it is.

If the groups are too upsetting for you, would you consider doing some individual counseling?

[lahdh4]

I went to one. I didn't care for it and I never went back. The woman who was "in charge" just didn't do anything. There was a birthgrandma there and between her and another birthmom (who shall for ever remain nameless) basically told me that I was stupid for not having a visit with Supergirl yet. This was probably about when she was 10 months old and I was working with my therapist to get to a place to be able to handle a visit. I think that set me back since my first visit wasn't until 2 months later.
I will never step foot in that one. They (agency) told me about another one but I know the woman who runs it from a yahoo support group and nope. Won't go to that one either. She just wouldn't stop with the emails and begging the heck out of me.