[SchmennaLeigh]

What would you tell an expectant mother who was asking you questions about relinquishment... if her only basis for placement was financial?

[sstuart]

If she had support to help to raise her child not necessarily a DH, but just friends and family and a place to live, I would tell her not to reliquish and that the finacial picture could very well change. Also there is assistance for people with kids to continue their education to improve their financial status..

I did it for financial reasons, but also my family was quite dysfunctional and I did not want that for my DD.

[Janeytwo]

Dear Jenna,

Huh. This is a good question.

Let's see...well, I think for me it would depend on her age and whether she had some place to live because I think both those things relate to financial stability and "money sense" for lack of a better term.

If she were older; say 18 to 20, I think that, yes, I would advise her to search financial avenues before considering placing her baby I'd definately encourage seeing what type of programs are offered for single moms; including job training. A woman that age would be out of school and better equipped from a maturity standpoint to deal with raising a child (my opinion only). I think she would be better equipped to deal with the stresses. Also, I'd advise her to seek financial redress from her partner; push for child support to help shore up her and her babies financial security.

If she were very young though; say 15 or 16, I think the issue might be more complicated due to a girl that young not really knowing what the world is about. I think a younger girl might be more at the mercy of the world, especially in a tight financial situation. Just my thoughts.

Have a wonderful day!

Janey

[josh1788smom]

I would explain that families come with many different circumstances, and there really is no guarantee she is not going to have the money to raise her child, just as there is no guarantee that someone else is guaranteed to always have the perfect situation to raise her child. I guess, I would try to express that it is her child, and no one really has the right to separate the two. There are resources available to help her get on her feet and take perfectly good care of her child. I would explain how things can be blown way out of proportion as far as what a baby actually needs, and many of those things can be borrowed or received as hand me downs. That truly the only thing a baby needs is the stability and love of his/her family - no matter how that family is defined.

[JustPeachy]

If she was asking me questions about relinquishment, I would tell her my experience. If she indicated her only reason was financial, I'd ask her if she exhausted all her potential resources, and if she was aware of what kind of financial help she could get. I would encourage her to look into those programs, but if at the end of the day, she still felt it wasn't enough to provide financially, I would respect her decision to place.

[lahdh4]

I would tell her to make sure she looked around and see where help could come from.

[taramayrn]

To explore her options for financial assistance before proceeding with adoption. Also, remind her that financial hardship is often only temporary, and that adoptive parents can experience the same.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

What would you tell an expectant mother who was asking you questions about relinquishment... if her only basis for placement was financial?

Financial problems are temporary, adoption is not. Then I would load her in my car and drive her to the county Social Services office.

[bromanchik]

I tell clients to never place for financial reasons alone.

[agathaj]

I would tell them about: An old friend's mother told me that when she had her first child they were so poor that he had to sleep in a draw. They were young. They are now grandparents, still together and weathly. Another teenaged mother I know (now also a grandmother and wealthy) said that her and her baby son lived in moldy cold old cottages etc. Her adult children are professionals and are good people. She was a teenager and was poor but she did her best and is now a wonderful giving grandmother.

[bumblebeeskies]

I am not a first mom-I'm an adoptee, hopefully it's ok that I answer. I think I would do WHATEVER I could (In my power) to help her keep her baby. If it meant babysitting, taking her to the dr., helping with clothes, diapers, etc.

In fact, I have a friend who unfortunately has had 3 unplanned pregnancies in the last 3 years. She really has no money. I've gotten her things off craigs list and freecycle, I've bought a lot of diapers and have dressed her kids. I can't afford a lot, so many things have come from Walmart and even second-hand. I have gone without so many things, but I don't care. It's more important to me that she have her kids and that they are taken care of and never in a jam where authorities or CPS could come in.

[mygrl4meee]

I would advice her to do her homework, and help her see where help can come from. I wouldn't sugar coat the pain of letting a baby go for adoption will cause, and it never totally goes away.