[SchmennaLeigh]

I'm curious. Will probably blog this next week.

Have you been randomly attacked on the internet (via e-mail/PM/blog comment/etc) regarding your status as a birth mother? Or for your experience? Or for verbalizing grief and loss? Or for anything in general?

How did it make you feel? Did you respond? Did you stop doing what you were doing or sharing what you were sharing?

Have you ever had a respectful disagreement with someone on the internet concerning birth parent issues? What do you believe lead for the respectful part of the ordeal? Were they willing to listen or learn? Or were they just kind people in general? Were they simply willing to agree that people have different experiences and no one experience negates another?

Why do you think people use the anonymity of the internet to lash out at others in ways that they would never do in person? If you were face to face with the person who attacked you, do you think they would say the same things? Do you think they would apologize?

What advice do you have to other birth mothers who might, in the future, deal with random, negative people on the internet?

[loveajax]

On an infertility board I belong to, every so often a troll would show up and literally just start "attacking" and just saying the most lunatic things. Some people would get offended, but I mostly just laughed because the person(s) was/were so deranged. I also think that people that do this like to "be fed" - - i.e., rile people up. That's why they do what they do....My only real advice is to "ignore" and hope they try to get fed elsewhere.

I am sorry if you have been attacked. It stinks.

I do think even short of "troll" behavior, the anonymity of the internet allows people to be bullies sometimes. I also worked with a guy who for some reason was really nice but in his emails always came across as a "jerk" - - sometimes I wonder if people just don't know how they come across in the written word.

[thanksgivingmom]

I have a HUGE target on my back because not only do I fall into the "Birthmom" category - I used Safe Haven laws so am a legitimate bona fide "abandoner" as well - who clearly, could not possibly love her daughter.

So yes, I've been attacked, through blogging or just via email (silly me putting my email out there in case others want support or to talk).

I can't change who I am or how I placed - it's part of my story and part of Cupcake's story. I also put out there that our story is extremely unique in that I went to the hospital, spent time with my daughter, left a letter for her Mom and am now in an open adoption with them - another thing I discuss regularly so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to those that attack me.

I'm a bit stubborn and will usually just take on the "haters." I talk back, get angry, and usually get pretty fiesty when this happens.

I especially get angry when I am told that I don't love my daughter or that I deserve any pain that I experience because it was MY decision. I can't stay quiet at things like this and have recently blogged on that very issue.

There have absolutely been times where I have been able to talk calmly with the person and try to remain rational and explain who I am and where I'm coming from. When others are receptive to this it can be a great learning experience (sometimes for us both). I believe that these people are open-minded, which I believe is a hugely important trait to have in "Adoption-land."

In some instances of random attacking, I absolutely think that people would say things to my face. I don't like playing any version of the "Who Has it Worse" game, but I think that my status as a baby "abandoner" - often considered on the same level with those who leave their babies in trash cans - does put me in a position where scrutiny and attacks in person would be considered acceptable.

For others that experience attacks? Stay true to who you are and don't let others knock you down. It's HARD. It's HARD to try to convince someone of the love you have for your child, while at the same time realizing that you don't HAVE to prove anything to the faceless person in cyberland - that DD knows, and that's enough. It's hard, but my biggest goal is to stay classy and honest and try my darndest to stay respectful.

I don't always succeed in all those things, but I try.

[thanksgivingmom]

Oh - and I HATE the link attack - where someone decides to rail on you on their blog, link to you, and then deny comments that in any way disagree with their point of view. If you're linking to others and attacking them, you should at least be open to discussion. And the worst part is that sometimes you don't even know you've been linked to or attacked so you never are even presented with the opportunity to defend or explain yourself.

[quantum]

I felt more attacked for my parenting views when posting on the La Leche League forums! And beleive me, my comments were NOT disrespectful or weird. (For example I posted that my 5 year old gave up naps before she was 3 and got completely jumped on by someone...weird).

I have also had experianced getting completely trashed about all sorts of things by my psychotic ex...but he didn't attack my birthmother status for some reason...

I do beleive there are some twisted people out there who use and abuse the internet to make people feel bad. I personally don't get it. And no, I don't think they would do it in the same way in person(although they might do it just more subtley) and yes, I do think they would be more likely to apologise.

Again, looking at my ex as an example, he really liked to use the internet to manipulate people. Don't get it, which is a big reason why he's my ex.

[Vogi2002]

I'm thinking you are looking for birthmother's perspective...but I have also via email / PM. I'm not sure this is something ANYONE who has an opinion & perspective can prevent...sad. People usually attack because they are defensive...and deep down they know they are wrong and insecure but won't admit it. By this I mean RUDELY attack completely unwarranted.

[sjanae76]

Why do you think I haven't posted an intro yet? I'm scared to after posting an intro on a Yahoo adoption support group and getting a very rude response. It was only one person, but I don't like being questioned about my decision.

And, yes I did respond to her but I don't think she got it. If that happens again, I will try to ignore it. It depends what's said too. If someone is just plain being mean, they don't deserve my energy in responding. This particular lady was just ignorant so I felt I was attempting to educate her. But, like I said, I don't think she got it.

~Sarah

[BrandyHagz]

Yeah. Lots. It's stupid. Don't people have something better to do?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Don't people have something better to do?

Like saving the world from my supposed over-running negativity?

*smirk*

[Oceans]

I have not been attacked but I don't let my blog be picked up by search engines so that may help (and I am rarely controversial - HAHAHA). I have seen it happen a few times tho. I usually chalk it up to a slow news day. They had no other place to spew their hatred so they start blog surfing...

I wish I had that kind of time...

I will say, I kind of get a kick out debating them tho (in a public way - not by email)... It brings out my own evilness...

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by Oceans

I have not been attacked but I don't let my blog be picked up by search engines so that may help (and I am rarely controversial - HAHAHA).

I'm surprised you haven't had some haters from the forums here happen to your blog as its in your signature. I have had some classy people hop over and spew their hatred. Good times!

[opalwench]

I've been attacked, via comments (which were not approved for viewing) (today actually). However it wasn't randomly.

It was by the Pirate's dad.

I'm not sure that counts for what you're asking for.

I guess my advice (from a blog perspective) is to try and keep your head up, don't feed the trolls, and have a comment moderation policy. Blogs are still personal space and you have a right to control what is there.

[BrandyHagz]

Oddly, I get attacked for doing my job (ya know, I work here and whatnot). I get attacked for having an open adoption. I got attacked for allowing M to call me mom. I get attacked for any number of things.

The one thing I have never been attacked for (even when they attack me about my work) is being adopted.

It's always the 'evil birth mother' - lord knows I've been an adoptee for FAR longer than I've been a birth mother....at least, I think.

[EZ2Luv]

Attacked? I am very cautious of disclosing too much personal infomation because of this very reason. I wish I could say I was just attacked. What happened to me was far worse and my afamily was put through hell IRL by an internet crazy person.
Thick skin I have and it is one thing to disagree but ni matter waht, there is apoint where aline is crossed. I have said it time anbd again, some people fail to realize that there is an actual human being on the other side of the computer screen.
No matter what,I will always stand firm in what I believe.I will just be alot more selective in disclosing my indentity.

EZ

[lahdh4]

Not really.
I just look at it as stupid people who don't know what they are talking about saying things to make them seem intelligent only to look like a bigger fool.