[SchmennaLeigh]

Yep. Makes me angry.

[BrockBaby]

As an adoptee I despise the term. I am more then a term concerning my mom's status at birth, and she is more then a term concerning her status. Why does society have to give terms to everything?!?!?!?

[kakuehl]

The problem with lawyers is that they speak in "legalese". Years ago it was a legal term. I think things have changed a lot, even as society has changed. Unfortunately people still use words like illegitimate to describe children and it does disturb me. Here's a question? How can a any child be illegitimate? He or she is a real person, no? All babies are legitimate. (I'm not so sure about the relationships between their mothers and fathers, lol!)

Although she didn't use the word, I think D's amom was relieved when D and his wife married several months after I* was born!

*I is D's daughter.

[lovemy2boys]

I don't like it either.

I was born in 1972 - my mom was 17 and single. She eventually went on to marry my dad, but there were still 2 years (including pregnancy) where this was an "obvious" label.

From a personal standpoint, the term doesnt bother me for my sake, but for my moms. She was young and determined to raise me, so she was the one who had to hear all the lovely terms in regards to my situation at birth as she defended her stance to family and friends alike. I was pretty much shielded from it, but she wasn't...I still don't think my Grandparents have fully forgiven her for getting pregnant, but they don't really have any room to talk, if you know what I mean...The family was probably the harshest in their feelings towards my mom and her "situation".

I actually find the term pretty stupid. I mean, this isn't the 1700's, and we're not royalty handing down titles and stuff...UGH...Families are made up in so many ways, that terms like that are so antiquated.

[Janeytwo]

Dear lovemy2boys,

Kudos to your mom for having the strength she did.

My ex sister-in-law got pregnant just after graduating highschool. This was in 1967. Her parents & my ex brother-in-laws were devout Catholics. So my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law got married secretly (they were both 18) and tried to "ride it out" as long as possible while they tried to figure out how to "break the news". I guess it was a terrible time for both of them.

Anyway, when the families both found out they'd eloped, they were furious. But when they found out she was pregnant? Her dad threw her out of the house, literally chucked her into the street, and my ex mother-in-law didn't speak to them until after the baby was born.

And here's the thing, she refused until the day she died (some 20 years later to EVER send them an anniversary card)!!

She said while she loved her granddaughter, what her son and her daughter-in-law had done was despicable.

It's hard to even think of acting that way now.

Your mom is a brave woman.

Janey

[wrgamom]

Very much does it offend me. It always has and I almost lost a job over it once - telling my boss my thoughts about his stupid "illegitimate" remark.

[lovemy2boys]

Originally Posted by Janeytwo

Dear lovemy2boys,

Kudos to your mom for having the strength she did.

My ex sister-in-law got pregnant just after graduating highschool. This was in 1967. Her parents & my ex brother-in-laws were devout Catholics. So my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law got married secretly (they were both 18) and tried to "ride it out" as long as possible while they tried to figure out how to "break the news". I guess it was a terrible time for both of them.

Anyway, when the families both found out they'd eloped, they were furious. But when they found out she was pregnant? Her dad threw her out of the house, literally chucked her into the street, and my ex mother-in-law didn't speak to them until after the baby was born.

And here's the thing, she refused until the day she died (some 20 years later to EVER send them an anniversary card)!!

She said while she loved her granddaughter, what her son and her daughter-in-law had done was despicable.

It's hard to even think of acting that way now.

Your mom is a brave woman.

Janey

Hey - thanks, Janey - my mom is pretty brave.

I also come from a large, Catholic family...and my mom's decision to remain single instead of doing the "right thing" by getting married was the big issue, apparently.

But my mom stood firm to both her and my dad's family - my dad had proposed (because it was the "right" thing to do) but my mom said she didn't want to get married because she was pregnant - she wanted to get married because they were committed to each other...well, they married when I was 1 1/2 (at a church which is probably near to where you lived - my Dad grew up in Detroit) and they are about to celebrate their 35th anniversary in September.

What absolutely KILLS me, was that both sets of my grandparents were pregnant before marriage - I stumbled across my dad's families info just last year when doing some geneology research...My mom's side, who was more vocal about my moms "situation" is much more ridiculous...My grandma (mom's mom) claims that her first child, my uncle, was 3 months premature - honeymoon baby, ya know...In one of my "less proud" moments, I told her that she must have held some type of a record for having a child who was 3 months premature that weighed 10 pounds...

Ugh - I don't give in to my evil side often, but sometimes it does rear it's ugly head, especially when someone takes at my MOM!!!

[Jo Ellen]

I heard the term used in a sermon at church several years ago and it was all I could do to sit there and listen to the sermon as the preacher talked about woman having illigitamate children, how wrong it is but that there can be forgiveness for it. I wanted so badly to say out loud that it wasn't my bmom's intentions to become pregnant with me and that she is a good person. When I hear the word I have to remind myself that I wasn't a mistake. That there has always been a purpose for me being born. It hits on my cringe list along with the bast... word also. It really does hurt to hear anyone use either of those words.

[jrainbow]

Since there is lots about the church on this thread, I thought I would share my bmom's comments at our first Christmas Eve service last year. During the story, she leaned over and whispered with a big smile... "I just realized that Mary was an unwed mother." I was born in the 50's and there just isn't another term.

I almost laughed out loud.

[Janeytwo]

Hey there!

Thanks so much for sharing!

BTW...this is great;

>>>>>>>>My grandma (mom's mom) claims that her first child, my uncle, was 3 months premature - honeymoon baby, ya know...In one of my "less proud" moments, I told her that she must have held some type of a record for having a child who was 3 months premature that weighed 10 pounds...<<<<

I think you were right to say what you said (my opinion only of course). I mean, why should your mother have to endure that from her mother for time on end? Plus, it's sort of a slap to you too. I'm sure your grandma didn't even realize what she'd been doing. Can you imagine the shame that generation of women must carry with them from the way they were raised? Yikes!

So maybe your statement was a wake-up call for your grandmother on a lot of levels. If nothing else; I'm sure it was food for thought.

Hugs to ya!!

Janey

[Tazer]

I know this is an old thread but I have to add this, OK? I gave birth 2 weeks ago and we received our sons birth certificate today. We live in Tx and one of the questions on the form the Dr. filled out is "Is this a legitimate birth?" I was shocked to learn it's still done today. Also, my S-I-L who is a single parent by choice (donor sperm) gave birth at another local hospital who publishes a daily newsletter that they deliver w/breakfast and it contains a list of newborns. When my nephew wasn't listed my M-I-L called the office to ask why and was told they only list legitimate births. She responded "Well they charge the same rate for both so deliveries so why the H*#L isn't he listed???" Can you imagine treating someone this way? Just wanted to share. Tracy

[djvj]

i wish i could just smile and shake my head...but it makes me sad to read the last post.

it's an antiquated term used by a imho not terribly healthy society...personally, living in SanFrancisco, i never hear stories like these...but we are the country who re-elected Bush so nothing surprises me any more...

[Janeytwo]

Dear Tracy,

When this first happened to me it was back in the late 70's. Yet here we are with mothers still having to endure this kind of BS!!!!

I can't blame you for being mad; not at all. When I had my babies, this question was on the form. I tossed the clipboard to the nurse refusing to answer the question, "Is this a legitimate birth?"

I thought too myself, "Yes my children are most DEFINATELY legitimate and you people are legitimate a******s for asking in the first place!!!"

I have since learned that it was Planned Parenthood that managed to have this question taken off of birth certificates in the State of Michigan just a few years later.

Thank God for Big favors!!!

Janey

[Tazer]

The thing that amused me when my S-I-L delivered but was left out of the hospital newsletter is that by leaving them out they actually made EVERYONE aware of his status and gave my S-I-L a platform that she shared in this CATHOLIC hospitals hallway...LOUDLY and PROUDLY. Tracy ps:

Speaking of planned parenthood Janey, BTW I love them, I took a young mom there while working with our church's Mission Program. I was her mentor. She got her check-up, birth control pills and advice to use condoms until she had a full cycle on the pills for protection. At the desk just prior to leaving she asked the receptionist for the free condoms and this lady asks, "HOW MANY." My friend looks embarrassed,( I'm her Pastors wife, after all) stammers and replies..." uh, I don't know, uh...its OK." The lady goes, "No, you need to get them BUT I need an exact number." Now, I'm mad, so I step up to the desk and take out my calculator and FIRMLY punch in several numbers using both hands and say "She'll take 19,756 please." She sat the basket on top of the desk, told us to help ourselves and left. Tracy

[belleinblue1978]