[SchmennaLeigh]

Read this story: Expectant mom upset by offensive offer | Top Stories | NWCN.com | Northwest News and Weather

And tell me, as a birth parent, how it makes you feel. (Others are welcome to chime in as well. Just reaching out to fellow birth parents.) I'm writing about it tomorrow on the blog and could use some other input.

To me? This is low. I didn't wear my rings during the second half of either of my married pregnancies. I was swollen as could be and rings didn't fit. If someone would have given me such a card, especially considering Munchkin's placement, I would have flipped. out. Plain and simple. UGH.

[SchmennaLeigh]

PS: Many thanks to Brandy for riling me up this evening. *beats Brandy*

[thanksgivingmom]

This has made me nauseous all day. Especially when I've read of aparents that say, "This is totally normal - I did this!" I just think....REALLY??

I mean, I was a waitress during my pregnancy, waiting my last table two days before DD was born. To be fair, I was actually a bartender, but I sometimes picked up a waitressing shift. I guess what most of my customers probably didn't know was that I had just received my Masters degree too...I always had customers assuming all kinds of things because I was a bartender...but THIS assumption? Inexcusable to me.

And yes, I understand the argument that maybe they didn't realize that she was pregnant. Or that they didn't want HER baby, but maybe she knew someone. No matter what, I can't get behind networking in this way for a baby.

I can't imagine being a waitress receiving this card and thinking, "Oh! I think so and so is pregnant...maybe these lovely people that just had the club sandwich and fries could adopt her baby!!!" I guess it works for some people, I just wouldn't be a part of it, on any side.

I even read of someone responding to this somewhere out there in cyberland that said they had a full marketing plan laid out for their networking plans...

I don't know...I just don't get it.

[browneyes0707]

On one hand, like TG I wonder if they hand this out to everyone (like the barista at Starbucks, the receptionist at the doctors office, the mailman, whatever) hoping someone knows somebody who would like to adopt. To me, networking period is creepy. It's one thing to place an ad in appropriate places, but fliers and cards, I don't know, I feel like that's bordering on desperate (no offense, its just my opinion) I can't explain it. It just reminds me of college, people would pass out fliers for keg parties or garage sales. This is a lot more personal.

I think if it WAS pointed at this specific woman, it's just disgusting. I don't blame her for being p/o, first they make an assumption about her that she can't care for her child, second, they decide they want to be the ones who will "help" her? They don't KNOW her! A friend of mine's sister looks about 10 years younger than she is, and when she was pregnant, she couldn't wear her rings either. People made comments to her about being an unwed teen mom. She was 26 and married. Even still, it irks the you know what out of me when people can't just leave well enough alone. Who are they to judge?

Something about assuming comes to mind....

[paigeturner]

I'm disgusted by it. Whether or not the couple knew the server was expecting it just seems beyond tacky and thoughtless to me. Like you, Jenna, if someone would have handed me a card like that post placement I would have turned into an emotional puddle. But, I guess that some people's sense of entitlement over shadow common courtesy. I have one question…were they decent tippers?

[thanksgivingmom]

Originally Posted by paigeturner

I have one question…were they decent tippers?

Haha, when I was a waitress, I'd be reluctant to provide the customer with a toothpick if they were horrible tippers - let alone find them a child!

Let's hope they were generous 20%ers...although I'm sure they were - as they could afford it and THEN provide a wonderful, loving, and expensive lifestyle for their yet to be solicited baby!

(uh oh - snarkiness alert....I'm getting riled up....)

[belleinblue1978]

Unfortunate... yeah... I guess that is one word.

Sickening, nauseating, wrong, I can think of about ten million other words. I don't like networking at all. It smacks of predatory behaviour and entitlement to me.

[taramayrn]

For sure I'd be pissed - haven't read the article yet, going there now.

When I was pregnant with T, some friends of my grandma thought they should let us know that their friends were looking to adopt and if we were interested to let them know. I know they were trying to be helpful, and while it's not the same as the situation in the article, I was so offended.

Someone mentioned networking, I think it was Brown, and that actually creeps me out too. I mean it's one thing to have your friends and family know you are looking to adopt, but to hand out business cards, etc grosses me out.

[kmsga]

From an amom perspective, I completely concur...disgusted is a good way to put it, and yes, it smacks of entitlement, predatory, just overall icky-feeling to me. My sister is a firstmom, and worked in the service industry for a part of her pregnancy that ended in placement--I would have been livid for her if someone had approached her in this way.
Yuck and double-yuck.

[Oceans]

I posted the other thread but I'll expand on my thoughts over here. I really don't think I'm more put off because I'm a bmom. I'm upset b/c I'm a woman and just b/c I am pg (which I'm not) why would you assume anything??? Of course this is assuming she was targeted which I pray isn't the case (but secretly, I bet it was). Women who are proud to be pregnant tend to show a lot more than women who are hiding/not so happy to be pregnant in my small experience...

As far as networking in general, I think it's fine to network among family and friends. As an emom I might find it reassuring if a friend came up to my and said "hey, I know this really great couple who want to adopt"... I’m on the fence about co-workers who are not my friends and boy... They better know I was placing prior to saying anything!

Networking to total strangers is completely out of bounds tho IMO. If you are a realtor, insurance salesman, investment broker, car salesman etc... Fine, leave your card on the table. But an adoption attorney or an e-aparent NO WAY. There has to be a line somewhere and I think this is it... Next we'll see flyers posted on college campuses or left on cars parked outside of social services office's.

Unacceptable imo...

On a lighter note...

I have one question…were they decent tippers?

Hopefully they didn't tip her... Wouldn't that be buying her baby?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by Oceans

Next we'll see flyers posted on college campuses or left on cars parked outside of social services office's.

Unacceptable imo...

College campuses? Already happening. Sad, sad.

[kakuehl]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

Unfortunate... yeah... I guess that is one word.

Sickening, nauseating, wrong, I can think of about ten million other words. I don't like networking at all. It smacks of predatory behaviour and entitlement to me.

Yes, the lawyer's "unfortunate" really caught my eye! To anyone who has ever experienced relinquishment it's like being slapped in the face. I personally am getting to the point where I'm avoiding the forums like the guat forums that are so focused on obtaining a child. I do hear the desperation and pain that they are feeling but I'm disturbed by the sense of entitlement that some of them seem to have.

[billysmommy]

As an aparent - and one who came into contact with my kids first mom via the internet (yeah, bash away), I too think this is disgusting. I have my own personal reasons for preferring non-agency adoptions, so I do understand the choice to "network" independently, but not in this way. Reminds me of the saying "there is a time and a place for everything".
Aside from the fact that doing it this way is just plain tacky and rude and offensive, etc etc etc...... I can't believe that it would be very successful. I just can't imagine saying to a friend who is considering adoption ( or isnt!)
Me: "Oh, I just happen to have a business card from a family who is looking to adopt"
Emom: "Well, what are they like?"
Me: "Don't really know anything about them except that they like their Prime Rib rare..."

[SchmennaLeigh]

Here's the article referring to campus advertising: Colleges.com, U Magazine

[loveajax]

I think what the PAPs did was reprehensible...

I will say, though, that I do think a lot of agencies advertise "generally" including on college campuses, etc. Heck, when I was considering an "identified" adoption recently (not thru any "solicitation" on our part), the agency told me their fees were $29K for a nonidentified adoption and $11K for an identified one. Agencies claim that a lot of their "fees' are advertising related ones ($18K...huh?).

To me, though I would never network (because I am an extremely private person), there seems to be a difference between "general" advertising/card-leaving, etc. and "targeting" pg women.