[kakuehl]

Just one small point, I was responding to SchmennaLeigh's post about finding parents for children.

[Janeytwo]

Hey All,

For three days I've thought about adding to this thread...I've even consulted with some people in here as to getting the courage to write and even if I should.

That's because I'm sort of scared. As another member put it, there's a lot of blackbelts in here...women who've been in the trenches of all this for quite a while.

And here I am...Janey...a kindergartner among the 8th degree blackbelts...just learning how to tie the sash on my ghi.

Still I finally decided to add my voice to this thread because I felt that it was something I needed to share and because if I don't learn to trust you guys I won't learn to trust myself. So here goes........

This thread struck me in 2 ways.

1. As women, we still have so far to go. I have married friends who bought rings when they were expecting because their hands swelled so badly they couldn't wear their weddings rings anymore. They put those new rings on their swollen left ring fingers so that people would know they were married and pregnant. They were terrified of judgement...of that look...you know the one........ It made me feel so bad for us all as women. I mean what century are we in now? The 21st? Sometimes I swear it feels like the 13th.

2. I thought long and hard about the woman who left her card and number. And this is what I'd like to say about her.....

Yes what she did was deplorable BUT I find that I can only feel pity for her. I ask myself, if I were told that I could never have children and I pursued every avenue and every avenue was closed, all hope of having children gone, all doors slammed shut....watching from the sidelines as other women felt the joy of that first kick...the flutter of that heartbeat....the ultrasounds...the babyshowers...the excitement of loved ones. If I had to watch other women be blessed with that and I could have none of it, could that drive me insane? Could I become so desparate for a child that I lost all my self-respect and all sense of decorum with others...finally reaching the point where I was just this walking, talking zombie thing that other people ran from out of disgust or fright.

By the grace of God, I have never be in that position even so I would hope that my answer would be a resounding NO! I would never commit such a terrible error in judgement! But who knows what I would be if I lost all my hope.

Please understand, truly, I am not condoning this woman's actions. I am just offering up another take on it.

Because as women it is too easy to turn on each other and become our own worst enemies.

Praying you guys won't think less of me now. Honestly, I don't think I could take it. You are the only place I feel safe today.

Janey

[bmomto2_momto2]

Janey,

Glad you posted your thoughts. I have to say that it is refreshing to see some posts that seek to view the situation from each persons perspective. Until we walk a mile in someone's shoes we have no right to judge the choices they make. I too agree that I hope I would never lose respect and decorum for the people on the other side of this situation. Thank you again for posting.

[hrisme]

We've been talking about situations like this on the adoptee support board. I am all in favor of networking, and even handing out cards to those you know, but doing something like this is sickening. I mentioned this in joking in one of my other posts--can't believe people actually DO such a thing!

I have family members who have passed cards out to family members & friends, many of us have them tacked up in our office or such, others ask about them & we simply share that they are looking to adopt. It may be that one of these days they hear of a situation & think to pass the information on. But in no way are they going around soliciting parents by handing cards to pregnant women, or even to everyone they meet!

[belleinblue1978]

Janey,

I don't think less of you at all. My opinions are based on the fact that

1. I am adopted and wouldn't like the thought of my parents acting like that.

2. I have placed a child for adoption and I would have been WAY offended had I been approached like that.

3. I can't have more children. I won't ever have a child of my own and all my biological connections are gone. I can understand the desperation, I still couldn't do that.

[Janeytwo]

Dear Belle,

I hope that my post didn't hurt you. I respect how hard it must've been for you to give up a child and then not be able to have more. That would take an incredible amount of strength and self-sacrifice; the kind I'm sure many would not be able to muster.

Praying that the wind will be always at your back.

Janey

[belleinblue1978]

Janey, not at all. I guess I was just hoping to point out that I can understand the pain and desperation.

I'm not all that strong either, I just do what I have to, just like any other woman. Wait, maybe it is because we are all strong, stronger than most of us realize or can admit.