[leakaye]

Hi all,
Need some advice.
I called the adoption agency that worked with our open adoption 6 years ago. I haven't spoken to them since the adoption until 2 months ago when I was looking for some birthparent support. I moved very far away after the placement of my son, and therefore I am unable to keep the 'open' adoption so open. Anyway, things have been ok between amom and myself after some problems 3 years ago. We seemed to be getting on the right track, and a wonderful phone conversation with amom 2 weeks ago confirmed my visit for this summer and all was well.
Until....the adoption agency decided to phone amom 5 days ago and tell her that I called them, (not saying when) saying I was upset because I wasn't receiving the amount of photos I was expecting. I had no idea that the adoption agency would do that, but they did! I thought my phone conversation was private and in confidence. I never mentioned I was upset about the lack of consistant photos, just mentioned that there was a lack of consistant photos as per our agreement.
So 3 days ago, I received, out of the blue, an email from amom telling me she would be on holiday during my visit. I replied saying I would work around their plans, no problem, but secretely thought there was something wrong as we confirmed the visit 2 weeks before on the phone. Then she replied saying she no longer wished to speak or visit with me and that I can talk to the adoption agency about the details.
So I did. I found out that the women I spoke to 2 months before at the agency passed on my details the the women (also a birthmom) who runs a support group. She decided to get involved (two months later) and call amom asking her why she hasn't kept up with the photos. This obviously upset amom so much that she decided not to speak with me anymore. I spoke with this women from the agency and wanted to know why they took it upon themselves to get involved. She said she was protecting me. I asked why she didn't call me first, she said she didn't have my phone number. She promised she would talk to amom and sort things out, apologising for mixing things up, but amom is not answering her calls and doesn't want to speak to me. I'm distraut, started smoking again and can't sleep. It's my worst nightmare come true, and I feel like it's all the agencies fault. I'm not sure what to do. If I call the agency and go crazy at them expressing my feelings, they may call amom and tell her I'm crazy. However if I don't make a big deal about their mistake, then how will this ever get sorted out? The one time I go to the agency for advice, they messed things up. How can I trust them to sort this all out? Should I write to amom myself and explain the situation?

Help? (bmoms and amoms alike) I hope to hear from you all!

very very very upset, L

[Jackiejdajda]

Should I write to amom myself and explain the situation?

This is what I would do.. You did a real good job of explaining yourself here..

Also I think nothing in this life runs easy.. this is your issue and or problem in your OA.. How do deal with it needs to be key IMO.

People mess up and people do it wrong.. and getting angry at the ones that messed up helps nothing.. sorting it so the situation gets better or is navigated is the task at hand..
Who knows it may bring you and the amom to a better understanding..

Jackie