[Mockingbird]

I sent my son a birthday gift (1st since reunion) wrapped inside a box with a card from me, one from his sister and a book. His other sister sent a card separately. I know that they all got there well before his birthday as we talked about it. I called him the morning of his birthday and he said that he hadn't opened it yet, but that he liked his sisters cards and we talked for a bit. He called the next day and said that he had just opened my gift and card that day; that he had been busy on his birthday and hadn't gotten a chance. I just sort of accepted that; but later started thinking that it seemed strange, as he could have opened it when we were on the phone, or afterwards. I asked him about it later--if there were any emotional reasons why he put it off; but he said that it was just that he didn't have time that he had gone to a friend's and then gone out to dinner and got back late. This still doesn't make sense to me. First birthday gift from your "birthmother"--left unopened on your birthday. Am I just being weird and imagining this?

[soprano]

Try not to read too much into it, mockingbird. Speaking for myself, my "hyper-sensitivity" when it comes to my daughter would be in full force as well. Focus on the fact that you got to speak with your son on the actual day... and that he DID open the gift from you. Both blessings.

I hope all continues to go well with your reunion.

Soprano

[JustPeachy]

I have a friend who won't open presents prior to his birthday. So If he was busy on the actual day and didn't get to it, I can see if he waited until the next. Me, I want to open things right away, even before my birthday!

I'd try not to read too much into it. Even if it was an "emotional reaction" why analyze it? I know it's easier said than done, but you can drive yourself crazy trying to pick everything apart, and then you won't be focusing on the good things about your reunion.

[RavenSong]

I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about this, Mockingbird. Chances are your son was just busy celebrating his birthday with his friends. Your son just turned 38 y/o, right? That means he's two years older than my son, who just celebrated his 36th birthday in March. I tried calling my son on his birthday a few times, but it just went to the answering machine. Of course, I started fretting and wondering if he was avoiding me. (I always tend to read too much into things, a habit I'm trying to break.) Anyway, it turned out that he spent the day with friends, and they went out to celebrate that night.

I know a few of the adoptees here on the forums have expressed that they have trouble celebrating their birthdays. Hopefully, one of them will chime in here soon with their thoughts on the subject. Meanwhile, try not to worry about it. I know, easier said than done...

[Lisasue]

Just another experience, I celebrated my bsons birthday with him in 2005, the first bday since his birth, not only did he open it he gave it back to me and said he didnt wear sweaters like the one I had given him. Talk about stressed out hahahaha, a month later i saw a picture of him, and he was wearing a sweater like the one I gave him for his birthday, when I asked him about it, he apologized and said it over whelmed him and that he just wasnt ready and then he said he didnt want me to think that is why he wanted me back in his life. I assured him it was not ever a feeling that would come to me, and that it was okay, we had alot of bdays to share together. My past bday this year he came over and for the first time since we met, he decided he was buying me dinner to celebrate. I kinda understood how he felt in that moment. We have agreed to celebrate over chocolate for now on hahahahaha. No worries Mockingbird, eventually it all works out in the end!!

CHEERS

[quantum]

Maybe he wanted it to be a special time when he opened it?
Let's stay positive!
I get that it seems a bit weird to you, but as others have said, try not to get caught up in negative feelings.

(hey! I'm a master at getting caught up in them! do as I SAY not as I DO!) :-)

[txrnr]

I wouldn't read too much into it either. We always opened gifts at a special birthday dinner, and I've continued to wait until then even as a grown up. Some of us get locked in these traditions.

[kakuehl]

Another member of the do as I say club here! Birthdays seem to be difficult for many of us involved in adoption. It could be that he wasn't sure how he would react and so waited until he had time to deal with any emotional response. That's hard to face if you plan to go out with friends. (I tend to be a watering pot... ) I have a double whammy, btw, since D's birthday is the same day as mine.

[dpen6]

Could it be a male thing? Some really don't care about gifts. Some really don't want to deal with the emotion of gifts.

What amazes me about males is the fact they will honestly react to gifts that they feel uncomfortable with. As females will expound on how lovely it is and NOT hurt anyone.

Don't really know, but consdiering I am the mother of 4 boys and the wife of a male that has been my experiance.

[kathy79]

I'm in the same boat with you right now Mockingbird! I surprised my bson by sending him 29 birthday gifts which he received this past Thursday. There were instructions inside the box telling him to open the 1st gift this Monday and continue with opening one a day until his actual birthday.

Since this will be the first birthday that we will share I thought surely that he would call or email me that night after reading the instructions. NOT!!!!

Well the night and half the next day went by and I can't tell you how many negative thoughts went through my mind!!!! LOL

He finally im'd me saying "thanks for the gifts I can't open yet". I still expected more of a reaction out of him. Guess I will chalk it up to him being a guy!!!